Kate Middleton Might Be Having Twins

December 7th, 2012 // 24 Comments
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Now that the world knows Prince William has performed his royal duty of inseminating Kate Middleton while wielding Excalibur, here comes the inevitable speculation of how many things might fall out of her vagina and in what order because it’s about to get all Game of Thrones up in here. People reports:

According to the National Institutes of Health, the Duchess’s rare condition tends to appear more often in women carrying twins.
So what would it mean for the royal family if Kate, 30 – who was discharged from the hospital Thursday – were to deliver two little royals? A pair of heirs?
Nope, royal experts tell PEOPLE. In fact, it’s all a bit complicated.
The firstborn twin would have a completely different path than his or her sibling, says royal historian Robert Lacey, author of The Queen: A Life in Brief: “The first child to appear will have precedence. Whichever one comes out first will be the heir – and it will be the call of the obstetrician if there is a caesarean section.”

Okay, so that sounds pretty cut and dry if it’s two boys. First one out gets the throne while the second one is shafted the rest of his life because his mom’s uterus made him ride coach. Life’s a bitch. But what if Princess Kate sharts out a boy and a girl? That’s where Parliament gets involved because it has nothing better to do with its time:

A year ago, the British government voted to modernize the rule of succession so that in the event of twins, a firstborn girl would not lose the title of heir if a boy were to be subsequently born to the royal couple. But that rule hasn’t been implemented yet.
Under the current law of the land, says Lacey, “If the twins are a girl first followed by a boy, the boy will be next in succession.”
When or if the law is changed, adds Lacey, “the boy would be ousted by his sister.”

Christ, no wonder these people stick to incest. It’s way easier that way. “Alright, listen, there’s a simple solution to all this: We’ll just bang each other. I get to be king, you get to be queen, everyone wins. Except our children. They’ll have flippers.”

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN


  1. Mr. Sensitive

    Hopefully she’ll have a miscarriage to simplify everything.

  2. rusty beaver

    WHAT BS! I had the same condition and I only popped out one alien, not two. You know what happens when People assumes….

    • Tinka

      How do you figure, BS? It tends to appear *more often* when carrying a girl or twins. Not “only when you’re going to have twins”.

  3. rantatonne

    2 sperms enter, one king/queen leaves!

    These are the rules of the Thunderwomb.

  4. Frank Burns

    Blimey Twin powers activate! Form of – a scone! Form of – a spot of tea! And so was defeated mild peckishness that had plagued the Queen for nearly 15 minutes.

  5. derp

    nice smile on him

  6. Kate Middleton Twins Prince William
    Moo Cow Hunter
    Commented on this photo:

    Her: Glowing like any intentionally expecting mother-to-be.
    Him: Constipated smile of any first time father realizing they are no longer the center of their wife’s attention.

    But all joking aside, congratulations.

  7. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    Will there be a throne for either of these to ascend in 30 to 50 years? The monarchy is pointless, so it hardly matters.

  8. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but did anyone hear about the receptionist that worked at the hospital because she fell for a prank from a radio station pretending to be the Queen checking up on Kate? I mean, Jesus, it’s just another pregnant human being. It’s not like either of these kids will ever make any real decisions that will affect anything, besides maybe “Shall I wear Valentino or Vera Wang today?”

  9. Deacon Jones

    Morning sickness = Must be twins. Got it

    (continues reading Bible about how to make a baby)

  10. Billy

    Oh, now I see, one of the babies will be like the Man in the Iron Mask, and the other will be locked up in the Tower of London.

  11. Being second born doesn’t sound like that bad a deal to me. Oh, you mean I DON’T have to attend every goddamn parade in the country and dress like a christmas tree? I just have to live a life of pampered luxury and privilege?

    • whatthe

      Exactly. Look at Harry, he gets to live it up and get into as much trouble as he wants while William has to work and be taken seriously. I’d much rather be the second born.

  12. mouse

    Decades and decades of queens, and they still can’t figure out this whole gender + succession thing.

  13. Kate Middleton Twins Prince William
    Commented on this photo:

    What kind of inbreeding produces this sort of rictus “smile”?

  14. Congrats to Kate on the twins. Now you’ll have two pests to deal with instead of one.

  15. pornstar

    Finally 2 people who can afford to have twins. Everybody else, who is not making MItt Romney money stop having kids. We have enough fucked up people living on bad credit. Stop having sex for reproductive purposes.

    • Juch

      But I get a bigger gubment check from Obama the more kids I have, with a special bonus when I have five!

  16. Shawna

    Why do so many members of the illuminati have twins when they get pregnant?

  17. british

    i dont mind jokes but please dont bad mouth kate middleton- im british and noone in england likes to hear a bad word said about her- its not cool at all- any jokes about our accents or bad teeth etc is fine but no jokes about kate middleton its just not on.

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