I Am So Sorry, Kate Middleton

June 13th, 2013 // 40 Comments

Well, this explains why James Bond keeps breaking into Kim Kardashian‘s OB-GYN. “They’re indooshing Tueshday, so now’s the time to make with the pushy. — No, pushy, not push the baby out. Your vashina, woman.” Via Hollywood Life:

The Duchess of Cambridge and the queen of reality TV are reportedly due on the same day in July, and both are actually preparing for their babies in very similar ways! Do you think the babies will share birthdays?
Kate Middleton, 31, was spotted making final preparations for the royal baby’s nursery on June 4 in the high-end fabric store Bernard Thorp & Co. in London with just a few weeks to go until her July due date. But a mom-to-be of American royalty — Kim Kardashian, 32 — is also due on the same day, according to a new report, and is also planning for her house and nursery renovations much like Kate is!

While I want to say there’s probably nothing worse than finding out your royal bundle of joy shares the same birthday as a human being birthed solely for a cheap publicity stunt, I’m pretty sure these two being born on the same day will end in a giant goat skull devouring the earth. But on a brighter note, at least Kate Middleton finally got those puppies. 101 has to be hard to catch.

Photos: Fame/Flynet


  1. KIMK

    hahahaaha I will steal all the spot light from poor katie and omg my baby and her baby will be compared for the rest of their lives since they are born the same day hahahaha

    • Brooke

      I wonder if Kim really thinks along those lines. My reaction to this news was a hardy “HA!” because everybody is going to be focusing on the royal birth, not some porn star reality whore’s desperation birthing. This will totally overshadow anything Kardashian, especially since only America is concerned about what a bunch of money grubbing bimbos are doing at the salon or who has a smellier vagina or whatever they do on that show. In the country I live, nobody knows what a Kardashian is, but everyone knows the royal family of England.

  2. What does it say about my country when Kim Kardashian is referred to as American royalty?

    • I vomited a little in my mind at that “American royalty” reference. At least the Kennedys had a President and Senators and such.

    • Smapdi

      That’s the point of stupid, phony publicity statements like this – by mentioning them together you are supposed to believe one is like the other. Its bullshit.

    • Randal(l)

      It says that America is a lot smarter than we give it credit for.

      One of these ladies is famous for nothing but having a famous person’s dick in her. She is rich beyond any of our comprehension yet has no discernible talent other than being pretty in the news (even that can be considered a stretch) even her sister is famous now because of all that famous dick she was taking.

      The other is Kim Kardashian.

      As much of a gutter slut smelly pig Kim Kardashian who will blow her dead father for 10 more minutes of fame
      is, and she is a huge gutter slut smelly pig who will blow her dead father for 10 more minutes of fame, I would say comparing her to the British royalty is an insult.

      The British royalty are nothing but literal welfare queens. They do nothing to serve their country but collect hundreds of millions in taxpayer dollars. That stupid wedding alone cost their tax payers around 64 million dollars. and now they have to pay for her welfare baby to.

      At the very least, Kim Kardashian hasn’t cost me or any other tax payer a dime.


      • whatthe

        The British Royal Family makes the majority of their income from real estate that they own, and they pay out more money than they receive from taxpayers. Get your facts straight, they are not “welfare queens”. I seriously doubt that British taxpayers would agree to such an arrangement, they’re not idiots.

      • Randal(l)

        The Sovereign Grant act of 2011 of 2011 – The Queen’s annual tax-free government grant has been set at £36.1 million for the 2013/14 financial year

        Then you add all the income from any real estate/ private funding/ privy purse…etc (which again she has as a result of royalty doing nothing but collecting tax money


      • Mike Walker

        All of the revenue from the Crown Estate (~£225 million in 2009) goes right to the Treasury. Under the Sovereign Grant Act, the Royals only get 15% of that so you can be sure there’s a healthy profit left over. The Royals and the various sites they inhabit are some of the most popular tourist attractions in Britain and maybe the most notable aspects of British identity worldwide. They bring in scads of dough directly and possibly even more indirectly through tourism, so the financial argument against them is doubtful.

      • Hey, I got rid of ‘em back in 1648. And you all just had to bring ‘em back. Oh yeah, and Christmas. You brought that back, too.

        The Kardashians: that one isn’t my bailiwick.

    • Only the tabloids refer to Kim as “royalty”, because they bow and lick her feet due to all the pages she helps them sell. So basically, the scumbags calling a scumbag something better to make themselves look better.

      They’re all just gross.

  3. Wow, Kim’s going to be pissed when the birth of her pisswhorespawn is overshadowed by the birth of the heir to the British throne.

    • Ha ha, I said “piss” twice.

    • You’re kidding, right? Kris Jenner is having a monthlong orgasm at the prospect of Baby Famewhore’s being tied in with the Royal Heir in all the news cycles. Hell, she probably squirted at the sight of that “American royalty” reference up there.

      • Fuck you for putting the image of Kris Jenner squirting in my head, TomFrank. I just burned my entire squirt porn collection and am now going to gouge my eyes out.

  4. Kate Middleton Pregnant Animal Print Dress Princess Cruise Ship Naming Ceremony
    Commented on this photo:

    Guy in the back, “Fuck yeah I’d tap dat.”

  5. Sizzle

    “American royalty — Kim Kardashian”

    Never have I been so horrified by the printed word.

  6. Randal

    Kate and Kim share very similar life styles – travelling the world, helping those less fortunate and always being in the public eye – so it’s no shock that they both conceived on or close to the same day as the other.

    Two new starlets will be brought into the world like sisters. Bells will chime, choirs will sing and doves will fly. Joy to the world.


  7. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    I’ll at least say this for KK’s coming baby: at least it won’t be a lizard/human hybrid.

  8. Kate wins this one since Kim’s baby is stone dead.

  9. Can someone who undertands vaginas and babies and stuff explain why if Kate and Kim are due on the same day, why is Kim 4 times the size of Kate?

  10. Roberta

    America’s royalty? I hate that gossip websites use that to describe this trash bucket.

  11. KK is “America’s royalty”? Fuck it, I’m leaving.

    Any First World countries out there where KK is regarded as a vapid idiot? I’ll learn your language and everything.

  12. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    In short, July 16th is the Apocalypse? We KNEW it involved a Kardasian spawn.

    On the bright side, we now have an entire month for a bender, as there’s no reason at all to be sober.

  13. Kate Middleton Pregnant Animal Print Dress Princess Cruise Ship Naming Ceremony
    Commented on this photo:

    With that stupid hat and dress, she reminds of those fancy little cakes you get at an Italian coffee shop only if your Horse fucking hungry. Oh they’re expensive as fuck.

  14. Hedgehog

    If I were Kate, I’d keep my legs crossed and ankles locked until the following day

  15. Dick Hell

    I’m personally looking forward to seeing Kim’s newborn standing for the first time on it’s wobbly little legs. Soon after, it will be prancing friskily around it’s mother… until genetics catches up and it is immobilized by it’s gigantic ass.

  16. Matt Lauer

    He’s not so bad. Who doesn’t like a curly-headed ginger? Oh wait, you said husband.

  17. Freebie

    Wow – some really mean spirited people on this site.

  18. Kate Middleton Pregnant Animal Print Dress Princess Cruise Ship Naming Ceremony
    Commented on this photo:

    she looks so cute! that’s unfortunate and ridiculous that her baby is compared to Kim’s. hopefully, its only in US

  19. Weaselmouse

    Kim’s baby was born today – five weeks early. Almost as a reaction to this news, it would seem. All serious health concerns aside….HAHA BITCH WAS THWARTED!

  20. Anna

    Kim Kardashian is not American royalty, That title is for people like Michael Jackson , Opera Winfrey , Elvis etc.. thought many respectable celebs are dead. If we where going to say Kim was royalty then she what would we call Lady gaga?…. Surely the gaga reigns supreme over American pop culture.

    Also I could care less for any of them, I honestly only watch royal events because for some idiotic reason it covers American media and I feel obligated to know what possible am I missing out on… Nothing really entertaining to make me giggle but A receding hairline on prince charming.

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