Obligatory Royal Wedding Post

April 29th, 2011 // 114 Comments

“My word, it has ears like your father…”

So by Royal Wedding, I actually meant five-year-old photos of Kate Middleton in a bikini, and possibly the first time she saw the royal scepter. Because if there was ever an acceptable time to say, “I don’t give a fuck, this is ‘Murika,” this is it. Granted, it doesn’t have the same pizazz as bombing brown people who worship a strange, yet still Abrahamic god, the British do read a lot and have socialized medicine. Plus they call soccer “football.”

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. Mike Walker

    “Granted, it doesn’t have the same pizazz as bombing brown people who worship a strange, yet still Abrahamic god, the British do read a lot and have socialized medicine.”

    Needs a little more work. In any case, it has more pizzaz than said brown people flying planes into buildings.

    • krutboo

      and the win goes to Mike Walker!

    • If socialized medicine is so great, why are the hospitals in Seattle crammed full of Canadians?

      • Bucky Barnes

        McFeely, I’m certain your mind can’t be changed but because I have a minute to kill… If you are correct it is because socialized medicine pays for Canadians to receive advanced treatments in the US when they are not readily available at home. Plus, the wait is shorter here because most Americans can’t afford those treatments. For profit healthcare = survival of the richest.

      • cupcake

        As a doctor myself, I completed my fellowship and residency in a Seattle and Bucky is completely right. We have the best medical care in the world for those who can afford it. However, if you are unfortunate enough to get injured or fall ill in this country without insurance, or should you be under insured, you are fucked. FUCKED. It will either bankrupt or disfigure you… we care not for the poor in this country.

      • Nice Try

        @Bucky Barnes

        Nice try Bucky. Thats not it at all. Notice he said “Hospitals”? Not advanced Treatment Centers. In Seattle, there are basically only a few “Advanced Treatment Centers and they are for brain injuries and cancer treatment and arent located within hospital walls. Unless of course, youre one of these people that thinks drug addiction needs “Advanced treatment”.

        They are there because they cant get seen in a timely manner because their system is so overworked and underpaid. If youd take your welfare check, get a computer of your own instead of using the local libraries for posting here and had to pay a legitimate amount of income taxes, you might have a clue as to what youre talking about. But you dont based on your feelgood, poor them mentality on the whole system.

        profit healthcare = healthcare you get because you worked and can afford it
        profit automobile= a car you get to have because you worked and can afford it
        profit meal= a meal eat because you worked and can afford to pay for it
        profit clothing= clothing you get to have because you worked and can afford it
        profit housing= place to live because you worked and can afford it

        welfare check= $$ you get because other people made it and the govt takes it
        subsidized housing= place to live that someone else worked for, not you
        food stamps= paper that has value based on someone elses work
        free lunch program=your kid eating food someone else paid for

        etc etc etc

        Get off the teat of the US Govt…and I SWEAR TO GOD I dont understand this….if people like you want socialized medicine so bad, why do 99% of you have 0 donations on your taxes (if you even pay)? Why do you not donate half of everything you have to charity,? Why do you not adopt a less fortunate family and set them up in housing or let them move in with you?

        Because you DONT want to pay…you want everyone else to, right? Hypocrite.

      • cupcake

        Hey Nice Try- I am a reconstructive plastic surgeon in Los Angeles. I probably make more money and pay more taxes than your ENTIRE FAMILY, cousins included… that said- you are ignorant and WRONG.

        But I will take my argument offline because you are stupid and there is no arguing in with stupid.

        eg: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

      • Deacon Jones

        Surgeon, huh Cupcake?

        I thought we were all just pot-bellied, WoW players in our mother’s basements on here.

        Do you have a procedure you’d recommend for penis reduction. I’m sick of dealing with this,this…this THING.

      • Bucky Barnes

        @ Nice Try, if your income is in the top 2 percent of Americans your sense of security if probably justified, if not, wait until you or a family member has a serious illness and your insurance company and/or employer dump you to cut their losses. You will quickly find yourself at the bottom of the economic ladder. I’d be willing to bet at that time you will change your tune.
        Unfortunately it is a moot point, our government serves at the pleasure of corporate interests and will never enact policy that impedes profit.

      • @McFeely @Bucky, I see both sides of this. Being Canadian myself, I feel fortunate that when I get sick, I will get taken care of and will never get burdened with a medical bill as much as my house should insurance ‘decide’ not to cover it .. @NIcetry, I see where you’re coming from, but my understanding is that there are millions of Americans that bust their ass off and yet still struggle to receive basichealth care bc they can’t even afford that and that to me is a problem…However, I also know what it’s like to have to wait for HOURS because we have a shortage of doctors/equipment in this country. (I have to drive to a different city to see my GP bc and I live in a large city). The benefit of basing health care on a capitalistc system, is that it forces competition and draws some of the Best Medical Experts in the world and if you can afford it, you will receive the best treatment and soon. Also bc US subsidizes part of Canada’s health care, our flaws are ‘downplayed’ bc wealthy Canadians can receive treatment abroad.
        I think Canadians should make charitable contributions & pay ‘something’ toward it to ease the burden off our govn’t and to help fund better doctors, more equipment etc,and not run off to the States and use theirs, because as you can see, it appears neither side is ‘perfect’. Healthcare isn’t about ‘profting’ and having a vested interest in who gets covered for insurance and it isn’t about being a ‘lazy freeloader’; it’s about getting taken care of when you get sick. Everybody should pay for it in whatever manner they can, but while also looking out for others who are less fortunate. That’s the ‘socialist’ in me I guess.
        I think Michael Moore really exaggerated(schocker) how great socialized (or “Christianized” medicine as he calls it) bc we have a far from perfect system.
        However, today if I had to chose, I would still pick our system in, flaws and all. I just wish it wasn’t so ‘glorified’ in comparison to the States.

      • Nice Try


        No, youll take your argument offline because you arent able to address the facts as presented… only throw out a wikipedia reference to your own mental state which proves the point of the age old, internet lame ass 7th grade put down, the Dunning–Kruger effect. Nice one! You must be in study hall with time to waste.

        Also, If you “made more money (or paid more taxes) than me and my family, cousins included” (which Id beg to differ that you dont), you wouldnt be announcing it on the superficial. Unless you were just born a classless, identity stealing, E! watching wanna be like the other losers in LA type.

        So again I ask, if people like you want socialized medicine so bad, why do 99% of you have 0 donations on your taxes (if you even pay)?

        Why do you not donate half of everything you have to charity,?

        Why do you not adopt a less fortunate family and set them up in housing or let them move in with you?

        Because you DONT want to pay…you want everyone else to, right? Hypocrite.

        So fuck off. If you wnat to help, do so…but dont expect those of us that dont want to to do so. Its not our moral/ legal obligation, in case you didnt know that…

  2. ChinaSuperficial

    What degree of cousins are they?

    • bigfatmoocow

      Actually there has been a trend of royals getting married to “common folk” in recent years… I guess they are finally realising that being inbred isnt so great …

  3. Ze German

    Hopefully he doesn’t fuck up that good pussy like his old man did with Diana.

    • Bucky Barnes

      William will probably cheat on his wedding day. Let’s hope he chooses better looking mistresses than his old man did. I wonder if he’s opened the wedding present from Charlie Sheen yet? Oh shit, did Charlie remember to include air holes? Dead whores as a wedding gift is a terrible faux pas. Stay tuned.

    • homesickabortion

      …good pussy? i beg to differ

  4. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    they both are quiet amiable looking, quiet uncommon for Brits!

  5. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s hot wow

  6. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    she has the most beautiful natural body I’ve ever seen

  7. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Just think, 20 or 30 years down the road that 12-year-old boy ass will be ruling over Britain with an iron fist……or rectum.

  8. Doc Schweinstrudel

    She has the most wonderful natural figure I have ever seen ! WOW

  9. Cock Dr

    The new Duchess looks hot.
    The new Duke needs Rogaine.

  10. vitobonespur

    Dearth of mammary tissue, but otherwise doable. Pleasant posterior.

  11. Dufresne

    She is amazing. I like her.

  12. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That bunch of inbred Germans need fresh blood.
    She looks like a healthy & attractive brood mare.
    Best of luck to the newlyweds.

  13. So Illuminati Lizards CAN look good in a bikini? Who’d have thunk it.

  14. TheTruth

    What I want to know is after she sucks him off does she say “The Royal Penis is clean your highness” à la Coming To America?

  15. I hope Elton John sings this at the reception: “She’s your Queen-to-be. A Queen-to-be forever. A Queen who’ll do whatever his highness desires. She’s your Queen-to-be. A vision of perfection. An object of affection to quench your royal fire. Completely free from infection. To be used at your discretion. Waiting only for your direction. Your Queen-to-be.”

  16. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    God Save That Ass!

  17. Honest Abe

    She’s too pretty to be Royal, but I officially quit caring in 1776

  18. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    She has a Hot Body, Really Hot Body.
    Will on the other hand if this is him at 28 just imagine when he lets himself GO.

  19. Deacon Jones

    Surprising lack of camel toe in a white bikini.

    That wouldve been hilarious if she had a monster one like Jessica Simpson’s pic. Fucking thing’s just hanging out, barking.

    • Cock Dr

      The odds are against the British royalty allowing women with obvious & protruding labia into their gene pool.

      • JC

        The Queen does the gynecological exam herself. If anything is awry, she loudly proclaims, “We are not amused!” and the wedding is canceled.

  20. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Big Balls
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d take that little Brit over Queen Liz any damn time!! Not much meat on her and reminds me of some skanks, but if it was thrown at me, why not…

  21. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s a Royal Ass!

  22. Mark G

    The media is a bunch of ROYAL Assholes for shoving this shit down our throats.

    • Aja

      I agree. Also – Am I the only one who finds her boring? She’s cute, but boring…

      • bigfatmoocow

        yes the media are assholes for shoving this shit down our thoarts … but the bigger assholes are the people who are interested in this shit that actually made the media think it was a good idea to do so … the media wouldnt do it if they didnt think it would make them money….

  23. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    The hottest british princess since Lady Di

  24. ThisisnotTigerWoods

    Che’ bel culo!

  25. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Royal ASS
    Commented on this photo:

    After seeing pics of the wedding, do you have any bikini pics of Kate’s sister? Those I wanna see

  26. BenDoverman

    I thought I was missing out on a hot piece of ass. Good luck with the mistresses Prince Hairy, cuz your princess will be lookin’ like the cryptkeeper sooner rather than later me thinks. Yes quite. Cheers from Disneyland!

  27. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Royal lunch meat. Yummy.

  28. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Princess nipples!

  29. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it impolite to jack off to royalty?

  30. ohmyword

    I think she really is amazing. As far as celebrities and members of monarchial families go, she has always been very down to earth and… normal. And absolutely beautiful.
    BenDoverman- what a pitiful comment. Most attention-seeking, trashy, embarassing celebrities behave in a way that earns them the negative press and all pity on my part is lost. But William and Kate have never behaved in any way like regular celebrities… what’s with the hate??

    • Wotwot

      I agree. What reason could you possibly have for hating these people? They are too nice? Too charitable? Too humble? Save your mocking comments for asshole celebrities that actually deserve it.

      • moshi

        agreed! kate and william have never tried to exploit their celebrity status.. they seem like a modest, down to eath couple… what do people have against them, they have never put a foot wrong!?

      • ginny

        totally agree! also what is with the annoying political commenters, can you please go away.

  31. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Victor vanden Weiner
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s the luckiest man on Earth. Born to be King. Fame and fortune handed to him, and an extraordinarily fine piece of ass to pork twice a day.

  32. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    nice ass, no tits – nice choice for a starter wife.

  33. Enough of this blatant ageism. Where are the pictures of Queen Elizabeth in a bikini?

  34. Donald Trump

    I like his Royal Posterior. I’d stick it.

  35. She looks amazing here, great ass.

  36. Kate Middleton Bikini
    S'up Bitches!
    Commented on this photo:

    Chip, chip, cheerio.

  37. cc

    Do you think he’s laid siege to that prior to tonight?

    • I dropped something too

      Probably didn’t have to…I’m sure he sowed the Royal Oats before attaching the ball and chain.

      I’m sure she’ll lay back and imagine she’s being humped by something other than a half limp blue blood when the deed is being done.

      It’s all for the sake of an heir after all.

      • ???

        Why do you think they’ve decided to get married? He already knocked her up and won’t have the royal abortion

  38. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    “May I have a bite of the ol’ royal snatch, your highness? Just a nibble, a little tongue taming, the ol’ lickety split, seventy minus one, havin’ me lunch down at the Y, wet the pocket, give meself the ol’ musty mustache, aye? No? Just keep cleanin’ your boat then? Right-o, carry on.”

  39. God is Black

    Hate all you want but check her out when she gets out of the car in the wedding dress! Nipples feast my friends………”Grasshopper, you chose well, all natural,no plastic,tight body and Brunette,not like Father!”

  40. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Last pic is the best. Nice ass shot.

  41. DogBoy

    He may enjoy that later tonight, but I rubbed one out to that 5 year old picture of her a minute ago. I win.

  42. Samantha

    you said it sooo much better than the idontlikeyouinthatway guy.. i dont care about the royal wedding either and ive been losing interest in todd.. but after his post today i doubt ill be going back… anyway thanks to thesuperficial writer for filling the part of my soul that demands i get a healthy dose of cuntiness everyday :D

  43. cc

    I bet he can’t wait to be a royal pain in the ass.

  44. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Me like Pricess Pooper!!!

  45. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Me really like Princess Pooper!!!

  46. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Me insanely like Princess Pooper!!!

  47. tlmck

    Not big on weddings and such, but she looked totally amazing in that wedding gown. Not too shabby in the bikini either.

  48. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:


  49. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice poker and a trimmed bush. Well done prince, well done.

  50. Kate Middleton Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    one of Will’s friends is staring directly at Kate’s taco. Makes him want to just eat it!!! lol

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