Kate Middleton’s (Probably) Having A Girl

According to the British tabloids, Kate Middleton almost said a word that starts with “D,” and since the British are forbidden from using the term “douchecanoe” on non-labor holidays, a consensus has been reached that the royal uterus has been sullied with a female heir. And so, per custom, after the child has been sloughed into existence, the traitorous womb shall be displayed upon a pike in front of a Buckingham Palace as a warning to others daring to commit a similar offense until such time as The One Ring has been returned to her majesty Queen Elizabeth II who, quote, “Needses it… wantses it…” Via People:

Moments after Kate, 31, received the gift of a teddy bear from a member of the crowd outside the town’s fishing museum, Sandra Cook, 67, says she heard the mum-to-be utter the words, “Thank you, I will take that for my d-…”
Cook adds, “I said to her: ‘You were going to say daughter, weren’t you?'”
To which a radiant-looking Kate replied that the couple don’t know the sex, and, “We’re not telling.”

Of course, all this could be an elaborate ruse and the royal couple are expecting a boy but wish to avoid Prince Charles breaching the delivery room with cries of, “USURPER!” while pelting the child’s soft spot with hardened scones and tea biscuits. His service with the Royal Navy no doubt preparing him for such an assault.

Photos: Splash News