According to the British tabloids, Kate Middleton almost said a word that starts with “D,” and since the British are forbidden from using the term “douchecanoe” on non-labor holidays, a consensus has been reached that the royal uterus has been sullied with a female heir. And so, per custom, after the child has been sloughed into existence, the traitorous womb shall be displayed upon a pike in front of a Buckingham Palace as a warning to others daring to commit a similar offense until such time as The One Ring has been returned to her majesty Queen Elizabeth II who, quote, “Needses it… wantses it…” Via People:
Moments after Kate, 31, received the gift of a teddy bear from a member of the crowd outside the town’s fishing museum, Sandra Cook, 67, says she heard the mum-to-be utter the words, “Thank you, I will take that for my d-…”
Cook adds, “I said to her: ‘You were going to say daughter, weren’t you?’”
To which a radiant-looking Kate replied that the couple don’t know the sex, and, “We’re not telling.”
Of course, all this could be an elaborate ruse and the royal couple are expecting a boy but wish to avoid Prince Charles breaching the delivery room with cries of, “USURPER!” while pelting the child’s soft spot with hardened scones and tea biscuits. His service with the Royal Navy no doubt preparing him for such an assault.
Photos: Splash News
Somewhere, in an Outback Steakhouse, Jessica Simpson is muttering, “That French lady is lyin’ ’bout bein’ pegnant. I cain still see that car behind her.”
Does anyone in the world care what kind of baby she squeezes out? Just to be clear, by “in the world” I mean “In the US”.
A daughter? What a disappointment this must be for the British people. Who ever heard of a woman leading a fleet of wooden galleons across the seas to reclaim a former colony?
Eh, don’t care. Call me back when the headline is “Kate Middleton’s (Probably) Having Girl On Girl”.
I’d buy that for a doubloon.
A doubloon? Is that what you call your $1 coin, or your $2 coin?
Loonie = $1 (On account of the loon picture on it)
Twoonie = $2 (No fucking idea… I call it a deuce)
And we all know that Queen Elizabeth is staging her army of undead soccer hooligans in the Canadian North, ready to sweep down and reclaim ‘Murrica. Kinda like in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter except colder.
Undead hooligans in the North, ready to sweep down… you obviously aren’t watching Game of Thrones if you didn’t make that connection.
I’m about 50% sure it’s a boy.
Off topic, but is anyone else getting malware alerts in Chrome about celebuzz when they visit here?
I am. Had to use Internet Explorer to get here.
yeah it happens. Happened right after the site redesign too. I’d use firefox if the galleries weren’t fucked in firefox. unless that got fixed.
I’ll find a new website to fuck off at during work hours if I have to go to IE.
I use Firefox. The galleries aren’t fucked for me.
Firefox is perfect.
It’s probably all the ads for Glock firearms. Fish and Photo Boy must really love guns as often as I see the ads on here.
I get ads for Twix, H&R Block, and Virgin phones. Not sure why they think you want to see gun ads, but damn, you might want to find out.
“And Duchess, this is Tarquin Obama, who would be an officer here at the firehouse except for a problem with his birth certificate.”
Officer Gary Sinise back there is totally scoping her ass.
“Hydrangeas? I absolutely loathe hydrangeas.”
Who cares!
Raise your hand if you think Tom Cruise is short and gay!
who?
I love that you found a way to fit the term “douchecanoe” into this post. I try to use it on a regular basis.
boy or girl, who knows and who cares? I just hope it comes out looking like a pacific islander. Or coal black.
I would love for it to come out looking like me. Say hello to the new Duke of the Caribbean, Don Zaloog the Fourth.