Kate Hudson’s Single

I’ll use any excuse, even ones with ghosts, to put Kate Hudson’s butt in a bikini in a post, so here’s PEOPLE announcing she’s called off her engagement to Matt Bellamy:

“Kate and Matt have been separated for some time now,” Hudson’s rep tells PEOPLE. “Despite this, they remain very close friends and committed co-parents.”

Matt Bellamy was last seen in a hotel room crying while kissing couch cushions and telling himself, “It’s the same. This is just the same! Who needs girls?” because I like to pretend rock stars react to stress the same way I do only with more hookers and coke. “You! Over there. – *snoooooooort* – Don’t just stare at Dane Cook. Star in a romantic comedy with him! – *sniff* – NOW. *flexes in mirror*

UPDATE: Too late. She’s banging Derek Hough already. You gotta be quick.

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