Kate Gosselin Beats Her Children With A Wooden Spoon, BEGIN THE INQUISITION!

Ohmygod it’s right there in the door. RUN, TINY ASIAN BITCH, RUN!”

I give Kate Gosselin shit for a lot of things: being a walking clay monster, using her children to basically create a reality show sweatshop, lying through her fake plastic face made of plastic. But one thing I can’t bring myself to do is get up in arms about her paddling her kids with a wooden spoon instead of instructing one of her 87 nannies to do it. I just can’t. RadarOnline reports:

According to [Robert] Hoffman, the former Kate Plus 8 star kept detailed notes on her computer about using a wooden spoon to hit her children, yanking them around by their hair, and punishing them for transgressions as minor as trying to climb out of a crib or not adjusting to potty training quickly enough.
“I don’t judge somebody for spanking, but what Kate wrote in her journal is just absolute violence,” Hoffman tells Star exclusively.

Listen, I know Louis C.K. gets up on his high horse about not spanking kids, and don’t get me wrong, I sometimes spend nights wearing a clown mask while having sex with prostitutes wondering if it’s for the best, but here’s a little something you might know about me: My mom used to spank me with a wooden spoon. And, look, *uploads pics of Jon Hamm’s penis to the Internet* I’m pretty sure I turned out alright. *spends five hours squinting at celebrity crotches for hints of cameltoe* Because sometimes the only way to teach a kid right from wrong *makes an Alexander Skarsgard rape joke* is to violently exert your physical dominance over them. *posts Kendall & Kylie bikini pics without guilt or remorse* Spare the rod, spoil the child, know what I mean?

Photos: Splash News