Kate Gosselin Beats Her Children With A Wooden Spoon, BEGIN THE INQUISITION!

September 27th, 2012 // 87 Comments
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Ohmygod it’s right there in the door. RUN, TINY ASIAN BITCH, RUN!”

I give Kate Gosselin shit for a lot of things: being a walking clay monster, using her children to basically create a reality show sweatshop, lying through her fake plastic face made of plastic. But one thing I can’t bring myself to do is get up in arms about her paddling her kids with a wooden spoon instead of instructing one of her 87 nannies to do it. I just can’t. RadarOnline reports:

According to [Robert] Hoffman, the former Kate Plus 8 star kept detailed notes on her computer about using a wooden spoon to hit her children, yanking them around by their hair, and punishing them for transgressions as minor as trying to climb out of a crib or not adjusting to potty training quickly enough.
“I don’t judge somebody for spanking, but what Kate wrote in her journal is just absolute violence,” Hoffman tells Star exclusively.

Listen, I know Louis C.K. gets up on his high horse about not spanking kids, and don’t get me wrong, I sometimes spend nights wearing a clown mask while having sex with prostitutes wondering if it’s for the best, but here’s a little something you might know about me: My mom used to spank me with a wooden spoon. And, look, *uploads pics of Jon Hamm’s penis to the Internet* I’m pretty sure I turned out alright. *spends five hours squinting at celebrity crotches for hints of cameltoe* Because sometimes the only way to teach a kid right from wrong *makes an Alexander Skarsgard rape joke* is to violently exert your physical dominance over them. *posts Kendall & Kylie bikini pics without guilt or remorse* Spare the rod, spoil the child, know what I mean?

Photos: Splash News


  1. XGL

    Completely agree. There’s plenty to blast Kate about, but this spoon isn’t one of them. My mom used to threaten me with a spoon all the time, and around 13 I made a startling revelation- she never fucking hit me once with the spoon. But the thought of it scared me shitless. I’m a nurse, and let me tell you, a lot of kids need fucking spanking these days.

    • Hank Hill

      Yea, nevermind the piles and piles of research and studies that show that spankikng and hitting kids causes them to be violent, insecure, and withdrawn. . Surely you know more than Early Childhood experts.

      • XGL

        “spanking and hitting”… I said nothing about hitting…but thanks for putting words into my mouth. A tap on the butt with a spoon is far different than hitting a child.

      • Jill

        I can tell you this. I spanked my kids (now 11 and 13) and they are the most nicest, well adjusted, well behaved kids in my large group of Mommy friends who opted not to spank their kids. My girls are polite and respectful, while my friends kids run around like maniacs trashing their houses and other people’s houses. The complete lack of respect kids have these days from this mushy Mommy parenting is the problem and your are completely wrong Hank Hill

      • XGL

        Completely agree. I think not disciplining children is FAR more disastrous than spanking. I am appalled by the way children act nowadays. People have stopped disciplining because of shit like what hank hill said, and look what has happened.

      • Hank Hill

        You must be one shitty ass parent if you have to intimidate your children into listening to you by being violent with them. Doing that to your kids is not even legal in most parts of the world. You must live in the United States of Packed Prisons.

      • Hank Hill

        You might wanna say “you’re wrong” to the all the Early Childhood experts and researchers who have produced piles of evidence to your contrary. Would have the balls? LOL. Didn’t think so.

  2. Dude of Dudes

    In her first porn movie I hope they spank her nipples with a wooden spoon. Ill get my junk out now in anticipation.

  3. Bee

    I believe this story as much as I believe that she is a nice person.

  4. YoMamma

    I don’t spank but I used to get the belt every once in a while when I was a kid. Eh, I’d like to see critics deal with however many fucking kids she has and not want to whap one of them on the ass occassionally.

  5. Ain’t nothing wrong with spanking your kids. Some people don’t realize there’s a difference between disciplining a child and beating the shit out of one. Some people take it too far. Don’t do it out of anger, do it out of love.

    And she has way too many kids anyway. No way she’s going to keep all of those kids in line without going upside one of their heads every now and then.

    • Spank me, Don Zaloog.

    • Yes, I’m okay with spanking with your hand, but I’m not okay with people hitting their kids in the face, because that’s abuse.
      Also not okay with using any kind of weapon, because if you hit someone with a spoon for example, you can’t be sure how hard you hit them and it might be way harder than you intended.
      Apparently my mother-in-law could throw a potato around a corner. :)

  6. Livinus Nwambe

    Spanking them when they’ve done something wrong is utterly different from hitting them for no reason. If it’s the former, what’s going to cause those kids more psychological damage: Being put on display like the Dionne Quintuplets in a family that eventually broke up because of a controlling, shrewish harpy of a woman who retains iron-fisted control over her children and their wealth, funnelling it all into her greasy maw of need and insecurity while their inadequate father bangs everything he can and ignores them completely, or spanking because they’ve done something wrong?

    If it’s the latter… Well, these kids are going to grow up to be fucked up anyway, unless they’re cared for outside of a media spotlight.

  7. Cock Dr

    Thanks blogger for sharing.
    Food for thought.

  8. EricLr

    If I had to deal with 8 screaming kids, I would probably end up using a cattle prod and wire cages. A wooden spoon seems quite humane by comparison.

  9. Kodos

    I used to get the wooden spoon.. my mother still has them; and they are all split down the middle..

    nothing to see here.

  10. it had to be said

    I don’t know. Her kids seem pretty young for an implement. A quick swat on the ass with a hand is probably plenty sufficient for a kid that young.

    • XGL

      The twins are 12. Plenty old for a spooning. The sextuplets are 8, plenty old for a threatening of the spooning. As someone said, the kids are fucked, but not because they were swatted by a wooden spoon. It’s because their mom is a biatch and their dad is a spineless turd.

      I know the kids look young, but they were born tiny because, well, it’s hard to fit 6 kids in there.

      • XGL

        I just realized all turds are spineless. Ah, well.

      • it had to be said

        I was under the impression this was at an earlier age (i.e. for infractions like climbing out of a crib). No kid in a crib is big enough for the spoon. 12 year olds? Yes. 8 years olds? Close. Kid in a crib? Too little.

      • XGL

        Yeah, they are just small. The uterus only gets so big. I gently slap my fifteen-month-old’s hand and say no when he does something wrong, and he screams bloody murder- not from pain, but from his mommy being mad at him. That’s plenty punishment until they get older.

      • it had to be said

        OK, I was trying to be nice. Read the fucking article. She spooned them and pulled their hair over potty training and climbing out of cribs. It is not “they are just small.” They were toddlers.

      • XGL

        Do they look like toddlers in this picture with the spoon? Someone’s words are not justifiable evidence. This picture proves more to me, and they are plenty old here.

      • XGL

        Plus, it’s RADAR. owned by Star. Really, if you believe what they write, you’ve got problems.

      • Craptard

        you clearly did not read the post – the ‘words’ were Queen Bitch’s words herself, written by her, about what she did when her kids were still little enough to be in cribs. but hey, why bother reading all those pesky words, when you can look at the shiny pictures instead.

      • XGL

        Apparently you have reading issues, not me. A PRODUCER OF THE SHOW SAID SHE WROTE IT. there is no proof of the writings even existing. Thanks for playing though.

      • StopChildAbuse

        Did you know that Take’s high priced entertainment attorney Marty Singer couldn’t stop this book from being published and her journals were obtained legally? She beat the crap out of the kids when they were babies. She’s a monster. I wish The Superficial would get ALL the facts and not just copy a story. Check out gosselinbook for FACTS

      • XGL

        “Beat the crap out of them”? Then why isn’t DCFS investigating her? Why didn’t they take the kids away?? You might be exaggerating a bit, my dear.

  11. Mohawk Disco

    Anyone feel like we are seeing the next Kardashian family in the making? Sans the ass.

  12. My mom’s friend would carry a wooden spoon in her purse to knock her two boys around when she wasn’t home. This was 20+ years ago, but I still remember her carrying that spoon around. Sick.

    • XGL

      I wish more parents would do this. Do you know how many kids run around crazy, in a completely dangerous manner, and the parents just shrug their shoulders? We live in a “yes” society, where parents let their kids do whatever they want, and then once they go to school or have any sort of discipline they are so confused and don’t understand what’s going on when someone tells them this foreign word they’ve never heard before: “No.”

      • XGL

        That being sad, I guess it’s kinda crazy to take it in public. If i fucked around as a kid in public, my mom would give me a look like, “When we get home, your ass is grass.” That’d straighten me right up, usually. Unless we were in the candy aisle.

  13. At least she disciplines them. If Jon had custody there would be 8 more Jon guts drunkenly running around.

  14. JC

    The bit about keeping detailed notes about punishments is what freaks me out. You know who else did that? The Nazis.

    Yeah, I went there.

    • EricLr

      With 8 kids, she probably had to keep notes just to keep track of who had been punished for what and who hadn’t. Otherwise it would be “Wait, which one of you painted the dog, again? I told one of you you didn’t get dessert tonight…WHICH ONE OF YOU WAS IT, DAMMIT?!?!?”

      • XGL

        Seriously. I work for 8 people, and i Have to keep detailed notes about who doesn’t like what and who does. Shit, I still fuck up, and it’s been years.

  15. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow the wooden spoon is right there in the door pocket!

    • XGL

      That’s where this whole report is coming from. Who knows, maybe she picked it up on sale somewhere and stuck it in there. Woman loves a good sale.

  16. Jimbo

    Iam surprised she has not sold them to Kathey Lee Gifford to work in her sweat shops

  17. zomgbie

    what no tazering?

  18. XGL

    This is random, I know. But you guys are good people, and I love you, so here we go.

    Lydia was savagely raped and set on fire, but she survived, and is raising money for facial reconstructive surgery. I rarely give money to these things, but this one touched my heart. Take a minute out of your day to read a tale of unspeakable horror followed by forgiveness. It’s pretty amazing.


  19. Fish, I always knew Exit to Eden had to be your favorite movie.
    And no, not because of Rosie O’Donnell in dominatrix gear. Damn, at least I hope not.

  20. Arlene

    Hell, my Dad used a leather belt. It would get too the point that all he would have to do was “crack” it, and we become instant little angels. Too severe? Yes. However, there are times I’m trying to enjoy the theatre or going to the restaurant, and somebody’s bratty kid totally ruins it with their horrible behavior, while the parent(s) are either ignoring the little bastard or threatening “time out” which obviously isn’t working. I think to myself ” just crack that little fucker on the ass. I swear, it’s like the kids are in control of the parents, and not the other way around. The way it’s supposed to be. A leather belt is going too far, but a wooden spoon might just do the trick.

  21. Sliver

    When I was a kid, I had an evil stepfather who beat us for fun.
    I think his favored beating device was the metal coal shovel he found in the basement, which I was beaten on the head with one night for standing up to his usual abuse. (Yes, it was worth it.) Some people do enjoy abusing kids. My stepfather would sit around thinking of new beating devices for us. However, this Gosselin thing is just shit being blown out of proportion. People want something to talk about and these days *everything* is considered abuse, even allowing the kid to think for itself.
    I’m sorry, but the average modern child has never been abused. Unless you think abuse is having their ipod or cell phone privs taken for bad behavior.

    • XGL

      My husband’s mother was a single mom of three boys, and she would smack them with whatever was handy. All three of them talk about it now with laughter and say they deserved it. There is a HUGE difference between what your stepfather did (which was pure evil) and disciplining out of love. I’m sorry for you, though. YOu didn’t deserve that.

      • Sliver

        Thanks, I survived. I grew up with no money, fought for everything I got. Now that I am an adult, even I find things about my (at times shitty) childhood to laugh about. We were ridiculously creative little shits. Behind our step-father’s back, we’d make fun of him. It was the best way to stay sane and exact a little revenge. He gave us plenty to make fun of. Now (13 years after he and my mother divorced) he needs a kidney, and nobody is going to give him one. Can you guess why?
        That’s good enough for me. :D

      • XGL

        Ah, karma. You can always count on it, right? Kids are resilient. What happens to you can hopefully make you stronger :) not always, but it did for my husband… he had an evil stepfather for a few years too, and didn’t even know his dad, and he is the best father in the world. Breaking the cycle is a wonderful thing.

  22. achilles wrath

    I just checked my arm and I’ve still got a scar there from when my dad threw a wooden chair at me, I really don’t remember why.

    A little spanking is fine, out right violence isn’t and looking from the outside in, sometimes you just can’t tell what’s really going on.

  23. That red leather jacket… the heels… the permanently-affixed bitch-face…

    I’m up for a spankin’, Mistress Kate!

  24. Bianca

    I went to a kegger when I was 15 and my mom, who had called my friend’s house to check up on me, found out that I was lying, found out the where the party was and drove there to find me. I remember being in the middle of flirting w/ a bunch of older guys and all of a sudden I hear, in a shrieking, angry mom voice: ‘BIANCA? BIANCAAAAAAAA! I KNOW YOU’RE HERE, BIANCA. WHEN I FIND YOU, YOU ARE IN SOOOOOOO MUCH TROUBLE!”. The guys were like “yo, is that your mom” and I was trying to play it off like ‘pffffft, no, must be *another* Bianca’s crazy mom”. Nope, it was my crazy mom and when she found me, she slapped me right across the face in front of EVERYONE and literally dragged me to the car. To say that I was mortified does not even begin to describe how I felt. But you know what? It did the trick. I was too humiliated to be caught dead with these people ever again. I had a history of mouthing off to her and disrespecting her and this was the straw the broke the camel’s back for her. Had she not done anything, I probably would have kept on disrespecting my mom and treated her like a doormat, so the moral of this rant is that kids are shits and sometimes you just need to slap the stupid out of them.

    • Meg

      Reminds me of when I snuck in through the window to my mom sitting there. We didn’t even have to talk- I knew I was fucked. Grounded for two months. I never snuck out again. Going out and coming home for curfew was way more fun than sitting at home every weekend. I would’ve been mortified if she came and foudn me though! That’s hilarious!

      • Bianca

        Ha, that reminds me of a commercial we have in Canada where the girl is sneaking out of her bedroom window and the lights flick on and her dad is staring at her with a deadpanned look on his face, then a sign pops up with the words ‘I was going to the library” and these guys in leotards do an interpretive dance to distract the dad. It always cracks me up because it perfectly sums up my childhood about the stupid lies I gave them when I was busted.

      • That’s the “Truth in Advertising” commercial. Fucking perfect!

      • Dammit, I tried to embed the vdeo and it didn’t take…try agan..

      • Bianca

        hahaha yep! I was hoping someone here would know what I was rambling about. They actually make the best commercials. Do you remember the House Hippo one?

      • XGL

        My excuse was “I was looking for the cat.” They still make fun of me to this day!

  25. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    Where do I sign up for the wooden spoon beatings and the ball stomping?!?!

  26. It could be worse!! If Kim Kardashian had a bunch of kids we’d likely be seeing a huge black dildo in the van door and not a wooden spoon.

  27. grobpilot

    I remember feeling relieved after a whack on the ass broke the spoon in half and the spanking stopped. Then it dawned on me that I was hit hard enough across the ass to actually break it and it made the sting that much worse.

  28. mike

    I must have no soul because I want to know if she was able to find straight, single guys for her future dating show.

  29. Jade

    The mom always gets custody because the spoon belongs to her.

  30. Me, I spank my spoon with a wooden kid. That’ll teach ‘em.

    (Why oh why does “spanking my spoon” has that innuendoish ring to it? I only meant it to be surreal!)

  31. Kevin

    I’m sure they will find a way to make Jon look like the asshole…

  32. Hbv

    Spanking, hitting and beating children is child abuse. Plain and simple.

    People who were abused start abusing their own children.

  33. anonym

    good for her.

    spanking works, if used for the right reason.

    all you people who don’t spank probably have fucked up, underachieving kids.

  34. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Get in the van kids! Were going to China to see if your tiny little Asian fingers can assemble iphones! Yaaaay!”
    “I want juice…”
    “Mommy’s broke from having you money vacuums you will get nothing and like it!”
    “I’m sleepy!”
    “Don’t make mommy get the spoon!”

  35. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh look… a hotel bar! You kids play here in the parking lot while mommy gets her “sanity juice”.

  36. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mommy, your pink cucumber is vibrating again.”
    “Its for my back… Don’t judge me!”

  37. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mommy, we have to pee…”
    “REALLY?… We just got in the FUCKIN’ CAR!”

  38. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mommy, someone is already in the car seat.”

    “Then curl up on the floor and keep mommy’s feet warm!”

    “Is that legal?”

    “No, but its happening!”

  39. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wait a second… Are you one of my kids? Quick! Whats my name?”


    “Good enough for me… Get in!”

  40. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mommy, Are we going to see daddy?”

    “No. Daddy is gone. Along with my youth, patience and self respect.”


    “Nothing! is this van getting smaller?”

  41. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    “I don’t think there’s room.”

    “I don’t think I care! GET IN!”

  42. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    “Don’t beat yourself up baby. You went “To the bathroom”.Where the mess ended up is for the cleaning staff to worry about.”

  43. I don’t know what kind of site is this but did you call her kid tinny Asian bitch? How’s that not racist? And no one in the comment area mentioned it.

  44. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh come on, she didn’t have 30 kids to NOT beat them with a spoon.

  45. Sana

    I had flying frying pans come at me more than once. They’ll live.

  46. Kate Gosselin Beats Kids With Wooden Spoon
    Commented on this photo:

    I would absolutely bang Kate in the ass.

  47. Really

    Really people? This bitch didnt spank the kids from time to time.She BEATS the kids into submission almost everyday. This book is in HER OWN WORDS. She herself says ” I picked him up by his hair and hit him so hard,so hard I thought I really hurt him bad THIS time”. And the poor child was 2 years old…still in diapers. This bitch is a child abuser,you making light of it just enables her.
    If this was a happening to a child you know…would you be ok with it being laughed off? Its one thing to give a swat on the butt…its another to BEAT the the child so bad you wonder if it was too much. Grow up people…this woman needs help…The Kids need help from their abusive mother.

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