Kate Gosselin’s Nanny Escaped To Tell Her Tale

July 25th, 2014 // 17 Comments
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In a surprising move considering Kate Gosselin‘s eyes see all, and in the darkness, all see Kate, one of her nannies has escaped the compound and is talking to the media about just how anal a shrill mother of eight kids can be. As for how the nanny escaped, I’d assume by using the children to dig a series of intricate tunnels not unlike the Viet Cong. And if that seems racist, I’m not the one who shoved them out of my vagina for that exact purpose. Take it up with their mother. E! News reports:

“We always had to refer to the manual because it listed her pet peeves,” the nanny told E! News in a recent interview. “You couldn’t put anything on the ground. You had to put shoes in a certain spot. You couldn’t close doors loudly. You could only vacuum during certain times of the day if she was home.”

On top of never put things on the floor in a house full of eight children, the nannies were also encouraged to eavesdrop on the kids’ phone calls with Jon which seems risky considering one of them might be seduced by his talk of ATVs and betray their master:

“When Jon called the kids on the phone, Kate said to us nannies, ‘You are Kate, so always listen in on the phone calls,’” she recalled how her former boss would want the nannies to put themselves in her shoes and do as she would.
“We always had to keep an ear and eye on what was going on. Kate would say she had no problem with the kids having a relationship with Jon, but it always felt like a façade to me.”

As part of becoming Kate, a 47-part ritualistic process full of passive-aggressive Post-It notes and a routine diet of children’s tears, the nannies were often encouraged to wear blonde wigs and silly putty on their stomachs for days if not weeks at a time. In fact, looking back on it, some of them are pretty sure that’s all they’ve done since 2012 and can’t remember the last time they saw the real Kate. But then who’s been barking orders from inside her bedroo- fuck me, a tape recorder?!

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. I think it’s been well established by now that she’s nothing but a talentless, narcissistic, psychotic, greedy cunt, right? Hope she’s due for a visit from the Karma Wagon ;)

    • On the other hand

      Life doesn’t work that way. She’ll probably earn a very good income and be relatively happy. She was pretty much true when she said being a fame whore was the best way to provide for her children. Beats 9 to 5ing it at some $80k/yr job. It’s not like the kids wouldn’t be ignored under that circumstance, either.

    • Mama Pinkus

      your predilection for the word CUNT speaks VOLUMES about your massive inadequacies

  2. JimBB

    When asked to respond to the allegations, Kate ejected two new children from her vagina, threw them at the reporters, and ran.

  3. Kate Gosselin
    Commented on this photo:

    “talking to the media about just how anal a shrill mother of eight kids can be.”
    Oh Fish , such poetic commentary. Really ,just looking at this photo you don’t think all that $ made off her children didn’t accidentally pay for cosmetic face, teeth surgery and expensive manicures?
    Don’t even mention the tummy tuck required when you push out EIGHT kids. Jon looks pretty good as a parent now.

  4. Kate Gosselin
    Commented on this photo:

    “NO ONE GETS OUT OF HERE ALIVE!”

  5. NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!!

  6. Scott

    She only let them vacuum at certain times when she was home – what an animal!!! Let’s string her up!

  7. Marketing Mike

    She’s the same stupid housewife she was before 8 seeds
    were pumped into her baby maker, with the ultimate promise
    of fame and fortune. I can’t even imagine the horror of being
    her employee, much less being under her sphere of influence.
    I’m glad the maid made it out alive…

  8. King

    I think she’s very attractive. Better than 95% of the dumpy house fraus trolling the earth. She might be a witch, but I’d bang the shit out of that.

  9. …i am ashamed to admit, but, i agree with this man.
    …there’s no “might be”, and “witch” is far too mild, but damn she’s hot.

  10. I was thinking not too bad…probably a great fuck! Then I realized that after extruding eight young-uns, her vag must be as big as the circumference of my head. And there’s no way I’m putting my head near that canyon.

  11. Sloppy Redneck

    i would eat her cooter ..

    • And eating her cooter would be like having the Old 96′r from the Great Outdoors, if you can manage to eat it all you get it free. There is nothing to ever get for free from that woman.

  12. Mama Pinkus

    why is this gal still receiving Superficial attention?

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