Where do I begin?
Earlier today, Kat Von D‘s show LA Ink was shitcanned by TLC which was interesting because she conveniently “broke-up” with Jesse James five days before this season’s premiere which we now know proves the show was desperate for publicity. I say all that, plus the sarcastic quotes back there, because not even two hours after she heard the news, it was announced she and Jesse got “re-engaged” under the guise of him realizing she’s the greatest thing that ever happened to him since Sandra Bullock and a bike shop full of Nazi poon. People reports:
In an interview with PEOPLE, James made it official. The engagement is back on, and Von D is once again wearing her ring.
“Sometimes you are only given one chance in life,” he says. “It was up to me to open my eyes and see it. That girl is my chance. I will never stop fighting and striving to hold on to her. Showing her how special she is, and how much I love her.”
On top of this conveniently joyous “reunion,” Kat is already starting to spin the cancellation of her show to make it sound like it was all her idea and something about protecting honesty. I’m not gonna lie, I zoned out:
“In an effort to capitalize on my recent breakup, the network has decided to focus their energy on re-editing events that didn’t happen while filming,” she tells PEOPLE. “I have no regrets and am very proud of the original footage. In my opinion, any attempt to compromise the honesty of that would be an insult to my fans and viewers.”
Von D adds, “As grateful as I am to have been a part of a show like LA Ink, I’m ready to end this chapter and want to focus on other projects now.”
“Blah blah blah my noonerhole qualifies as an inkwell.” That’s how I read that.
Now here’s where it gets interesting (because I’m 11), if you take anything away from this post, it’s that Jesse James just posted the above pic of Kat and him “back together” on his Tumblr. The name of that Tumblr? Butt Pee. Jesse James has a Tumblr named Butt Pee. How I didn’t make that the headline will haunt me until the day I die.
UPDATE: “Butt Pee.” Butt. Pee…