Kanye West Wants World Leaders At His Funeral

December 2nd, 2011 // 55 Comments

Let me just preface this by saying, if you thought you knew how egotistical Kanye West is, you’ve clearly never asked him who he wants to be at his funeral because you’re not running around screaming, “Oh, God, Jesus, his head! His head is pushing us all off the Earth! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!” Via Vulture:

“I was just thinking about my funeral and stuff a couple days ago and thinking who would be at the funeral,” Yeezy says, measured and seemingly sans braggadocio. “People who I want to be in the funeral? I wanna have world leaders that were, like, affected, that said, you know, ‘Kanye gave me my shot here.’ Or ‘he pushed me,’ or ‘he told me to believe in myself,’ or ‘when I saw this, it made me feel like that.’ I wanna affect people like that when I, like, pass away.”
The clip, a one-off free stream from the $5-monthly service VOYR, also lets you watch Kanye do Kanye things like put on gold bracelets and Air Yeezy sneakers. “I’m on a pursuit of awesomeness,” he says. “Excellence is the bare minimum.”

Kanye West Memorial Service – March 4, 2046

Barack Obama – United States
“Do I act on the intelligence and make a run at Bin Laden? Or do I wait until we have more definitive evidence? That’s when Kanye rappelled through the window, commented on the lack of jelly donuts – ‘How’m I supposed to save the world with cinnamon? Cinnamon!,’ he said. – and proceed to coordinate a plan with myself and the Joint Chiefs of Staff. I believe his suggestion was, ‘Sometimes I play them video games, and my boy with the snifer rifle is all like, ‘PLOW!’ shooting me in the dick from up in the trees or something. Shit’s infuriatin’.’

“We bagged Bin Laden that night.”

Nicolas Sarkozy – France
“‘I don’t give a fuck what that pack of Parliaments gonna say, bitch is hot. If you don’t try to hit that, cheese man, I’mma do it myself.’ And, God bless him, he actually tried.”

Chancellor Angela Merkel – Germany
“While other nations responded to economic strife with kneejerk austerity, it was Kanye who called me on the phone and said, ‘Angela, bitch, you gotta spend that money or else Matt Lauer will break into your house and put thoughts into your brain. Thoughts that make you think, ‘Huh, maybe I’m not Jesus and Michael Jackson’s secret son.’ But you are, Angela. You are. You their motherfuckin’ dancin’ bastard.’”

Photo: Getty

superficial

  1. Impulsive

    He is clinically insane.

    • karlito

      i could see this retard as a dictator of some country and a portrait of himself would be on every corner and every biilboard and every building. he would claim to be the inventor of everything in the world and then he would also claim to be God himself. the man is a dipshit, nutbag, asshole. when i read the article, at first, i was hoping he was actually going to die soon and he was making his list of the morons he’d want to carry his coffin. i’d go and bring fireworks and champagne. what the hell did this guy’s mother do to him to make this arrogant asshole so self-absorbed.

    • George

      nah just a dickhead!

  2. Doogie

    Foist

  3. GODDAMNIT, Fish. You had me excited for a minute. I thought you meant his funeral was imminent. Like tomorrow.

    • Juaquin ingles

      I saw the word “funeral” and for a split second thought the fucker actually died recently and I’d somehow some way missed the news about it. Damnit.

  4. Venom

    Forget world leaders, absolutely no one, no one is coming to this asshole egotistical narcissist’s funeral.

    On a positive note does this mean he is planning to kill himself? I have room on the plane heading into a mountainside along with the Kardashians, Jersey Shore cast, Kate Gosselin and Ryan Seacrest.

  5. boy

    Cocain is a helluva drug

  6. Carolyn

    I’LL go to his funeral if he’ll just die soon.

  7. Dan

    I loved this. Classic superficial post.

  8. The Royal Penis

    Kanye West= Martin Lawrence + mediocre musical talent

    It’s not a very difficult equation or course.

  9. Frank Burns

    If he had any honest foresight and courtesy he’d request that a toilet paper holder be attached to this gravestone. Besides, we all know that President Taylor Swift will make sure all the other world leaders are too busy to attend his funeral anyway.

  10. Mandy

    To be fair (and to play devil’s advocate), he said he would WANT them to be there, and he would WANT them to be affected by his music. He didn’t say they should be or they will be.
    Most artists hope for people to be affected in a positive way by their music, so I’m not going to blame him for this one.

    • mrsmass

      i’m so affected by his music, i have to change it immediately when it comes on the radio.

    • Smapdi

      He didn’t say he wanted people, he said he wanted world leaders. In other words, so far as Kanye is concerned, you can stay home that day.

    • I wouldn’t know this asshole’s music if I heard it. And frankly, after what he did to Taylor Swift, I don’t give two shits and a goat fuck if he were John Lennon, he’s still an arrogant, self-centered, mouth-breathing cocksucker! (I wish I could put into words how I REALLY feel!)

  11. Dude of Dudes

    He didnt SHOUT that stuff. Obviously fake. WHY WONT YOU LET ME BE GREAT!

  12. Kanye loves fishsticks.

  13. Deacon Jones

    “Practice, Practice??! We TALKIN BOUT..PRACTICE.”

  14. Carla

    It’s remarks like this that make me LOVEHATE this douche rabbit. That & his crack-catchy “music.”

  15. Steve-0

    Kanye is a boring middle class kid from the suburbs who couldn’t get a contract because he wasn’t street enough. This shit is how he keeps people talking about him… and buying what he’s selling… nothing more and nothing less.

    • Smapdi

      Can anyone name even one of his songs without resorting to Google?

    • TheMonkeemobile

      Didn’t he do the stuck in the closet thing? (I only know that because Weird Al’s “Stuck in a drivethrough is SOOOOOOO much better)

      • Trek Girl

        R Kelly did the “Closet” series, not Kanye.

        @Smapdi: I can name several of his songs right off the top of my head. I’m indifferent about Mr. West, but I do like some of his songs.

  16. At least Mohammed Ali had something to back up his bravado. This douche is a shit stain on the world and he doesn’t even know it.

  17. You’ve earned your pay for the week with that post, I’m giving you the weekend off!

  18. Roughin in progress

    Strong ambition indeed.

  19. TheMonkeemobile

    Also,.. I will personally petition drive all these leaders to his grave site if he’ll just agree to die within the next week.

  20. Cpm

    Let’s just hope it is real soon….

  21. Little Big Toad

    Let’s all hope he die’s real soon so his dream could come true.

  22. Ugh. I wish him, the Kardoucheians and Jessica Simpson’s big fat tits would all go live on a fuckin’ island somewhere.

  23. Meaty

    The only pop star that needs world leaders at their funeral is Madonna. That requires a Pope, a member of the English royalty, and Vladimir Putin (just in case the ritual fails).

  24. tlmck

    Courtney Stodden needs to divorce her current hubby and marry Kanye. They are two of a kind.

  25. forrest gump

    pssssssssssst: WHITE COCKC ARE HIS BEST FRIENDS FOR HIS MOUT & ANUS!!

  26. ClitKat

    If it’s a funeral he’s interested in, I’d gladly make it happen tomorrow. Prick

  27. XFX

    The funny thing that he apparently doesn’t realize is that while Obama probably knows who he is, I doubt any other world leader has ever heard of him.

  28. right

    When he dies, people will respond who?

  29. stevebeagle

    looks lika one of them Waterhead kids.

  30. Tootles

    I hate this pretentious cunt. He actually thinks that he’s going to affect the world with his ghetto songs? Fuck you bitch you’re nothing, no one gives a damn about some hood rat. Thinking he makes a difference in the world, ya right bitch fuck off and die.

  31. lkl

    I even doubt that Obama knows who he really is, probably think it’s a gutter rat pretending to be a famous singer, not.

  32. Erin Heatherton Victorias Secret Fashion Show
    lily
    Commented on this photo:

    amazing bod

  33. skunk

    what a koonye

  34. Doutzen Kroes Victorias Secret Fashion Show
    JANE
    Commented on this photo:

    you can tell she has the kind of boobs that sag without a bra

  35. Erin Heatherton Victorias Secret Fashion Show
    JANE
    Commented on this photo:

    face of a 5 year old

Leave A Comment