Kanye West to Scott Disick: ‘Real Men Don’t Abandon Their Family!’

Penelope Disick’s birthday at Disneyland on Tuesday. Not Present: Kanye West

Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy won’t start trending until her body becomes that yellow mustard sausage thing and she starts lying about her weight again. While she waits, Kris Jenner needs something juicy to feed the beast (No Khloe). At the moment, her go-to sacrificial butt-lamb is dealing with a dick pic scandal involving a transgender woman and until Caitlyn signs the writ in blood, no exposure is getting thrown her way. “Hmm, how can I shove our faces in the press and make the lives of my grandchildren significantly worse in the process?” she pondered. “Come on, Kris, you’ve been here before, you can do thi–I’v got it! A marriage failure with bonus in-law feud!! Via People:

“Kanye is furious, maybe the most furious of everyone,” says a source close to West, 38. “He’s saying that a real man doesn’t abandon his family like Scott is doing.”

Kanye West or “Uncle Daddy” as I’m sure North refers to him, is lecturing someone on fatherhood. This guy spends less time on the same continent with his wife and kid than a National Geographic photographer, but don’t worry, that doesn’t mean he’s not up to the task of also being Scott’s kids’ dad, too.

“He has made it crystal clear that he’s willing to step in and be a strong male figure to the kids if they need him to be,” says the source. “He feels strongly about that.”

He continued “AS THE WORLD’S #1 ROCKSTAR POLICE OFFICER WHO SPEAKS FOR MY ENTIRE GENERATION, I AM WILLING TO ALLOW MASON AND PENELOPE BACKSTAGE ACCESS TO UP TO TWO OF MY PERFORMANCES PER YEAR, BUT THEY CAN’T HAVE ANY OF MY BOTTLED WATER, BECAUSE I GET THAT SHIT FROM HOT SPRINGS IN NEW ZEALAND AND I AIN’T UP ON STAGE WORKING MY ASS OFF FO– WHAT? THERE’S A THIRD ONE? YO, SOMEBODY TELL MY COW THAT SHIT WASN’T IN MY EMAIL BRIEFING AND SHE NOW HAS TWO STRIKES. ONE MORE AND I CANCEL MY SKYPE CALL FROM TOKYO!”

Photo: Fame/Flynet