Are Kanye West & R. Kelly Having A Crazy-Off? Because Jesus Christ

December 10th, 2013 // 41 Comments
Benedict Cumberbatch
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I don’t even know where to start here because in the past 24 hours both R. Kelly and Kanye West have spouted such spectacular horseshit that it’s a miracle the people who heard it spoken aloud for the first time didn’t scream in horror as their mind tore itself into two separate hemispheres that began pissing on each other. Science will never be able to explain it, mark my words. So let’s start with Kanye who should probably never hook up with Tila Tequila unless everyone wants to see another Holocaust riding on the back of a midget in leather jogging pants. Via Huffington Post:

“Man, let me tell you something about George Bush and oil money and Obama and no money,” West said.
“People want to say Obama can’t make these moves or he’s not executing. That’s because he ain’t got those connections. Black people don’t have the same level of connections as Jewish people. Black people don’t have the same connection as oil people.”
West went on to say, “Can you guarantee that your daughter can get a job at this radio station? But if you own this radio station, you could guarantee that. That’s what I’m talking about.”

So Obama can’t make the moves he wants because he’s not Jewish.. like George Bush? Goddammit. Fortunately, it stops there except nope, just kidding, being a rapper is as dangerous as being a police officer or a soldier is next. That’s the crazy Kanye says next. Via TMZ:

Yeezus made the statements to Saturday Night Online this weekend, saying rapping is very dangerous work — “This is like being a police officer or something … or like war or something.”
“You’re literally going out to do your job every day knowing that something could happen to you.”

At this point, you’re probably wondering what the fuck R. Kelly could possibly say that’s even in the same category as saying being a millionaire rapper is just like being a cop or a soldier, as you should be, but trust me when I say it’s up there. Via The Independent:

“I only feel sorry for weak people,” he told the Guardian’s G2 supplement. “And mostly what I’ve come to find is that the weak people are the ones that are the haters.
“The ones that’s talking about Chris Brown, or R. Kelly, or anybody that’s successful? I feel sorry for them, not Chris Brown, because he’s obviously one strong individual to be able to do what he’s done.”
”He got knocked down a little bit and he climbed up. You know, that sounds like Ali to me. That sounds like Martin Luther King to me.
“That sounds like a lot of the greats that have walked this earth. It even sounds a little bit like Jesus to me.”

That’s right. R. Kelly just likened Chris Brown to Muhammad Ali, Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus Fucking Christ, the Son of God. I guess the first two kind of make sense considering Chris Brown does punch people and is black, but I don’t recall him being a fictional character. Although, he is a powerful weapon to be used against women, so maybe, R. Kelly, maybe…

Photos: Getty, Splash News


  1. The Most Interesting

    Sorry, Yeezy, but basically, you just got words.

    Robert pissed on a minor. And taped it. And saved it.

    That’s nutjobbery of Asgardian proportions.

  2. Kanye West’s gross earnings divided by mental retardation has got to be a world record.

  3. irinac

    the only reason obama is in office is because of his connections. sorry but he had all the jews and america lobbying for him.

    and lmao r kelly is a clown.

  4. papastryfe

    I wonder what happens if they cross their piss streams on all the greats they “liken to”. The earth will probably split in half.

    • Dox

      “There’s something very important I forgot to tell you! Don’t cross the streams… It would be bad… Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light”

    • Colin

      Did you just use the phrase “piss streams” in a comment on an article about R. Kelly?

  5. Cock Dr

    That must have been one HELL of a blowjob douchebag Brown gave to R. Kelly. Any chance he recorded it for the ages?

  6. BlinkyTheFish

    Don’t you just wish a big Monty Python-esque foot would come out of nowhere and squash them?

  7. Smapdi

    So if I understand Kanye correctly, George Bush is Jewish? Mazeltov, bubbeleh! Looking forward to a Passover Seder led by Rabbi Schlomo George Bushenberg at temple!

  8. Deacon Jones

    You should hear the shit that comes out of Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson’s mouth

  9. Two thoughts: (1) these guys occupy the top two positions in my list of repugnant humans who make music I can’t stop listening to; and (2) I just solved the case of my Mom’s missing sunglasses from 2006.

  10. Dox

    I find this heartening.
    I find it heartening that pure stupidity crosses all racial lines. Who knew dumb fucks could bring us closer together?

  11. Balls Mcgee

    To be fair, R. Kelly has spent most of his life being complete illiterate. No joke, the guy had no idea how to read for the first 40 years of his life. So he’s not as crazy as he is uneducated and misinformed. I crown Yeezuz the craziest motherfucker in the western hemisphere.

  12. Colin

    Yeah, Chris Brown is the one who “got knocked down a little”. Tell that to Rihanna. No really, tell her, I think she forgot.

  13. Hey Fella, Are You George Zimmerman?

    O geuss being black gives you license to be anti-semetic. If, say, Matt Damon would have said that shit, they would be calling for a boycott to his movies. Only in ‘Merica

  14. wolfe

    Remember when R Kelley just peed on 7 year old girls?

  15. In Kanye’s defense, all white people look Jewish to him.

  16. kimmykimkim

    Ha! These two! What a hoot! They should replace Hoda and Kathie Lee. (No, I don’t watch that shit, shut up!)

  17. YsoSrs

    Is this a new writer or something? Im about to stop visiting this site because YOU have been writing a lot of hoseshit lately. I started seeing the full extent of your ignorant douchality with your Paul Walker post, please do better or you shall lose an avid reader.

  18. Where's Dildo

    In Yeezus’ defense, he lumped G-dub in with the oil people, and really only mentioned the Jews because he once had to sit Shiva and thought he was about to get some big ass.

  19. I hate to defend Kanye, but he obviously was not saying that George Bush was Jewish. He correctly pointed out in an inelegant way that people like the people with oil money or the rich Jews tend to control most everything in this country and hold the positions of power. They also tend to be white or perceived to be white.

    I would also like to point out that black people don’t have the power in this country that they probably could have not because necessarily of a lack of money, but a lack of solidarity. The black community has a ton of money and could have a ton of power, but the inherent problem with black people is that unlike other races and cultures like the Jews, Arabs, East Indians, Asians etc, is that they will not work with each other. They would rather tear each other down than work together. Also, a rather large percentage of black people tend to have no regard for education, which tends to lead to disastrous consequences in life.

    Free advice, stop tattooing yourselves up and down, pay attention in school and take that $200 you were going to spend on stupid Jordan’s and buy a suit and some proper shoes instead and get a job and learn english.

  20. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Fur Coat Baby North Head Covered With Blanket
    Commented on this photo:

    HEY, don’t mock the greatest talent in the course of Human History.- ME Yeasty West!!! Of course being Yeasty is as dangerous as being a police officer. Just imagine if YOU fell asleep with your Johnson stuck in those fat, grotesque ass cheeks. Bitch get up in the middle of the night and she take your dong with her – rips it right out by the root dammitt.

  21. Kanye’s face looks like he’s allergic to something he recently ate. Which rules out Kim Kardashians pussy.

  22. Swearin

    1) Sammy Davis Jr was black and Jewish. But his connections were were from Frank Sinatra, who only befriended him so he could make racist jokes

    2) I wish someone would go all Tupac on Kanye so his claims would have merit

    3) Chris Brown is like MLK because he beIieved all men were created equal, not women; women are for punching

  23. Kodos

    Somebody please tell these kaffirs to shut the fuck up.

  24. Dr.J

    See, what’s nice is that poor people get to stand out here and laugh because these guys are such stupendous jackasses. On the other hand, they get stand in there all rich and insulated in bullshit, where everyone stands around nodding going, oh that’s fanTASTic, that’s so TRUE. …That part sucks.

  25. KtothaJ

    They be trippin cause all their bed sheets be smellin like piss

  26. petygayfukshertard

    Kanye is an inspiration to all handicapped, retarded, and stupid people that the dream of monetary success can be realized. (no offense to the handicapped or retarded).

  27. Bob

    One word: cocaine.

  28. circuit

    To be honest: being a rapper does come with living at Code Orange 24/7. It’s not spoken about much outside the industry, but there are real threats on your life happening on a daily basis. The Jewish GWB comment is just silliness, but Kanye does say true things in ridiculous ways.

  29. skunk

    pissing contest

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