The Paparazzi Are Raping Kanye

July 7th, 2014 // 20 Comments
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Kanye West made a conscious decision to marry Kim Kardashian, a woman who won’t even stop to pick up toilet paper without tipping off the paparazzi, so he really should’ve come to terms with how things are going to work until he eventually leaves her. But that would require Kanye to not be an insane primadonna who rants for 15 minutes in the middle of the songs, so here he is at the Wireless Festival in London where he played the “getting your picture taken is like rape” card that always goes over well. Right, Charlize Theron? Right. Via The Independent:

“I don’t care what you do in life, everybody needs a day off, everybody has the right to say, ‘You know what, I need a minute to breathe’.
“I want to bring my family to the movies without 30 motherf*****s following me. Everybody here, they like sex right? Sex is great when you and your partner are like, ‘Hey, this is what we both want to do’.
“But if one of those people don’t want to do that, what is that called? That’s called rape. That is called violation.
“So if I walk around and say look sir, I’m not feeling so good today, I need some space, can you please not fuck with me today? I need cut-off space, not violation.”

Of course, a simple solution would be to throw his wife’s cellphone in the toilet before they go somewhere, but that would cause a significant loss in penis-to-butt contact, so I can sympathize in that regard. Then again, I also understand that rape is a very serious and real violent act that leaves its victims legitimately violated and scarred for the rest of their lives whereas getting your picture taken by photographers your mother-in-law tipped off in advance is at best a minor inconvenience that you shrug off two seconds later because it’s a fucking picture. To put it more specifically, an actual rape victim would spend the next several hours either waiting for help, sitting in an ER, and/or not being believed by the police, while you’ll be sitting in a private movie theater getting blown by Kim Kardashian. Do you not even think about this shit, or does a cartoon bunny just tell you to say it? I’d honestly understand if it was the bunny thing.

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Splash News


  1. Cock Dr

    He impregnated & married a Kardashian, but wants to complain about how the paparazzi hassles him.
    Please rape him harder.

  2. buzz

    He might be the biggest but he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. If the paparazzi is following him and his wife, chances are someone “Kardashian” called them in advance.

  3. Kim Kardashian buys and uses toilet paper. Right, right.

  4. gaga

    GaGa stayed in the tanning booth, just a bit too long

  5. Don’t you all wish we lived in a world where, if some spoiled asshole start comparing some minor annoyances in his/her life with getting rape, they would ACTUALLY GET RAPE the very next day by the Spirit Of Molestation or something?

    You: “Hey Kanye! What’s going on?”
    West: “…”
    You: “… Yo, Kanye… Are you alright, man?”
    West: “DON’T…” *starting to cry* “Don’t talk to me, man.” *seriously bawling now* “Don’t even look at me! No, no, no… I can’t deal… I JUST CAN’T DEAL!!!!” *running away, whining intensely*

    Fuck. Really wish we all lived in such a world.

  6. Jade

    He married a reality star, what was he expecting?

    Perhaps he should get a clue, and if he wants a relaxing day, leave his wife and her co-stars at home while he goes out.

  7. Spam 4 Riches

    Rape is SO in right now.

  8. Kanye, here’s the deal. Do you want the paparazzi to stop taking your families picture every time you step outside? Tell your wife to put her fucking tits away. Your wife is a walking PG-13 rating, with occasional flashes of R, and one notable XXX money shot.

    Or other alternative…go somewhere private. Your millions of dollars is what separates you from the unwashed masses, so use them. Don’t wade through the sewer and complain about the smell.

    Also, fuck you. .

  9. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Topless Under Blazer Daughter North
    Commented on this photo:

    So kanye belittles rape, comparing it to a little picture because he is a bitch.
    And to think he is the father of a daughter.
    Sorry kid

  10. Pat C.

    I wonder if Tori Amos or Fiona Apple have ever offered us a comparison between paparazzi and rapists.

  11. JJ Michaels

    What is the most likely place for West to actually see these comments. that’s were they should go. I would be willing to leave my name and phone number in the slim hope that he would call and I could tell him what a worthless piece of shit he was live. That would be sweet. I think everyone should antagonize him while he is in public until he decides to remove himself from the public. Problem solved. Because make no mistake. He is as racist and stereotypical as the people who call his wife nigger lover on the street. He should beat his own ass and then get arrested for it. Email me Kanye, and I’ll send you my private number and we can talk. clearchannel at go for it you worthless prick.

  12. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Topless Under Blazer Daughter North
    claude balls
    Commented on this photo:

    what can money do?

  13. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Topless Under Blazer Daughter North
    Commented on this photo:

    I was on a farm once, and I’m pretty sure there are a few more sets below these.

  14. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Topless Under Blazer Daughter North
    Commented on this photo:

    ATTENTION WARDROBE DEPARTMENT: A think layer of chest makeup does not count as clothing.

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