Over the weekend, Ryan Seacrest hinted heavily that the evil he inflicted upon America would soon shat out another wedding thanks to Kanye West proposing to Kim Kardashian on her 32nd birthday this past Sunday. Except none of that happened, and instead Kanye just flew to her Italy where he banged her without making her reenact all the positions from her sex tape (just some) because it’s her special day. So either Kanye isn’t a complete idiot and is just stringing Kim along until he gets tired of putting on climbing gear every time he wants to get into her butt, or this happened:
KRIS: And where are you two off to?
KIM: To Italy to get engaged!
KRIS: Oh, no, no, no. I didn’t spend all morning forcing my nipples out of this Wonder Woman costume for you two to steal my thunder.
KANYE: Aw, c’mon, Mrs. J.
KRIS: Kanye West, don’t make me call your mother.
KANYE: She’s dead.
KRIS: And your selfishness is why. Now someone show me how to Twitter the Internet before Bruce gets home and thinks he can touch these. You think that face is scary now, you should see the man have an orgasm. Like the ending to Raiders of the Ark.
(I gave Kris way too many sassy quips instead of making her eat an orphan, I know.)
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
A gay fish won’t propose to a moo cow.
lol @ moo cow
Please go back to being you, you look lost, literally, you are lost in your big clothes!!!
David Byrne called, he wants his suit back.
Maybe he was too busy hanging out with Lindsay in a sushi bar.
MOO
Maybe it wasn’t mating season yet. Cows are picky about that.
Looks like she’s wrapped herself in a curtain!
Is it just me, or does she look like Octomom in this picture?
At least Octomom doesn’t give off that “look at me, I’m SO hot” vibe. Sickening.
I dunno, it’s pretty damn sickening that she actually thinks she does.
Looks like she ran through the window curtains to get to the paps.
“You can’t turn a ho into a housewife”
–2Pac (Original author unknown)
I beg to differ. :D
actually, that is a Ludacris lyric, not Tupac.
I think I will forgo any attempt at a witty caption and just go with “What a frumpy looking blob.”
“I can’t wait to soak that dress with piss, yo.”
Well, aren’t most urinal cakes blue?
If knowledge is fire, then her mind is the equivalent of a wet match.
Is it possible Kanye is not quite as incredibly stupid as I thought he was? I had such high hopes for his stupidity leading to his hysterically funny early demise – like jumping up in the air while standing under whirling helicopter blades or walking into an active volcano.
I blame the script supervisor. It turns out that she didn’t get the new pages to Kanye’s people in time. Don’t worry, they will be doing re-shoots in the next couple of weeks, and then fix it all in post.
“your udders are showing.”
When asked why he didn’t propose, Kanye said “bitch got peed on”.
In my best Kyle from South Park voice, “Don’t Care!”
Kim looks like she just rolled out of bed, that’s unusual for her (when cameras are present).
That’s because she’s wearing the bedsheets as her outfit.
Her twat stinks and his twat stinks!
Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free…
*whisper* You’re not fat, babe. (for the thousandth time).
Why buy the cow when you can pee on it for free?
Best Halloween costume this year, as a Blue Waffle.
Kanye: Did I tell you that I’m a musical genius?
Kim: Zzzzzzzz…
“Butt sex…Butt sex, Butt sex , talk about me an then more Butt sex.”
Dear Mr. theSuperficial,
I am new to the site. Is the what is meant by sideboob?
Kanye and Kim’s babies are gonna look so ugly.
Could that mark the return of Gary Coleman?
Even if they did get married, nobody would care. The “boy” (Kardashian in this case) has cried wolf far too many times. Now just have to convince someone to eat her.
Or…don’t buy a cow when everybody knows you’re a vegetarian, if you get my drift.
She’s STILL married. He was never going to propose. Whatever jealous hating idiot wrote this post needs to re evaluate their own miserable lives
hahahahahhaa
Her moo juice is tainted,..kanye, must have mad cow disease.
This skank just keeps getting skankier.
sorry but curvy girls need to wear tight clothes…this is why…
KRIS: Kanye West, don’t make me call your mother.
KANYE: She’s dead.
KRIS: And your selfishness is why.
WHOA! F**K YOU KRIS!
“I just sharted!”
awful, just awful
I love this blog . Thank you for de-glorifying these jackasses!