Kanye West Was Supposed To Propose To Kim Kardashian On Her Birthday, Didn’t

October 23rd, 2012 // 47 Comments
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Over the weekend, Ryan Seacrest hinted heavily that the evil he inflicted upon America would soon shat out another wedding thanks to Kanye West proposing to Kim Kardashian on her 32nd birthday this past Sunday. Except none of that happened, and instead Kanye just flew to her Italy where he banged her without making her reenact all the positions from her sex tape (just some) because it’s her special day. So either Kanye isn’t a complete idiot and is just stringing Kim along until he gets tired of putting on climbing gear every time he wants to get into her butt, or this happened:

KRIS: And where are you two off to?
KIM: To Italy to get engaged!
KRIS: Oh, no, no, no. I didn’t spend all morning forcing my nipples out of this Wonder Woman costume for you two to steal my thunder.
KANYE: Aw, c’mon, Mrs. J.
KRIS: Kanye West, don’t make me call your mother.
KANYE: She’s dead.
KRIS: And your selfishness is why. Now someone show me how to Twitter the Internet before Bruce gets home and thinks he can touch these. You think that face is scary now, you should see the man have an orgasm. Like the ending to Raiders of the Ark.

(I gave Kris way too many sassy quips instead of making her eat an orphan, I know.)

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Frank Castle

    A gay fish won’t propose to a moo cow.

  2. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    emy
    Commented on this photo:

    Please go back to being you, you look lost, literally, you are lost in your big clothes!!!

  3. EricLr

    Maybe he was too busy hanging out with Lindsay in a sushi bar.

  4. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    MOO

  5. Inner Retard

    Maybe it wasn’t mating season yet. Cows are picky about that.

  6. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    achilles wrath
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she’s wrapped herself in a curtain!

  7. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    AureliaMel
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just me, or does she look like Octomom in this picture?

  8. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like she ran through the window curtains to get to the paps.

  9. Grand Dragon

    “You can’t turn a ho into a housewife”
    –2Pac (Original author unknown)

  10. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    I think I will forgo any attempt at a witty caption and just go with “What a frumpy looking blob.”

  11. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can’t wait to soak that dress with piss, yo.”

  12. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    If knowledge is fire, then her mind is the equivalent of a wet match.

  13. Schmidtler

    Is it possible Kanye is not quite as incredibly stupid as I thought he was? I had such high hopes for his stupidity leading to his hysterically funny early demise – like jumping up in the air while standing under whirling helicopter blades or walking into an active volcano.

  14. Tony

    I blame the script supervisor. It turns out that she didn’t get the new pages to Kanye’s people in time. Don’t worry, they will be doing re-shoots in the next couple of weeks, and then fix it all in post.

  15. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    stratacat
    Commented on this photo:

    “your udders are showing.”

  16. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    When asked why he didn’t propose, Kanye said “bitch got peed on”.

  17. El Jefe

    In my best Kyle from South Park voice, “Don’t Care!”

  18. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    amir
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim looks like she just rolled out of bed, that’s unusual for her (when cameras are present).

  19. remy

    Her twat stinks and his twat stinks!

  20. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free…

  21. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    neo
    Commented on this photo:

    *whisper* You’re not fat, babe. (for the thousandth time).

  22. Gary Grant

    Why buy the cow when you can pee on it for free?

  23. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Commented on this photo:

    Best Halloween costume this year, as a Blue Waffle.

  24. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Bionic_Crouton
    Commented on this photo:

    Kanye: Did I tell you that I’m a musical genius?
    Kim: Zzzzzzzz…

  25. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Bionic_Crouton
    Commented on this photo:

    “Butt sex…Butt sex, Butt sex , talk about me an then more Butt sex.”

  26. Nikkinakki

    Dear Mr. theSuperficial,
    I am new to the site. Is the what is meant by sideboob?

  27. anonym

    Kanye and Kim’s babies are gonna look so ugly.

  28. Sliver

    Even if they did get married, nobody would care. The “boy” (Kardashian in this case) has cried wolf far too many times. Now just have to convince someone to eat her.

  29. Sliver

    Or…don’t buy a cow when everybody knows you’re a vegetarian, if you get my drift.

  30. She’s STILL married. He was never going to propose. Whatever jealous hating idiot wrote this post needs to re evaluate their own miserable lives

  31. Daytonadixie

    Her moo juice is tainted,..kanye, must have mad cow disease.

  32. Duke Steele

    This skank just keeps getting skankier.

  33. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    denya
    Commented on this photo:

    sorry but curvy girls need to wear tight clothes…this is why…

  34. anonymous

    KRIS: Kanye West, don’t make me call your mother.
    KANYE: She’s dead.
    KRIS: And your selfishness is why.

    WHOA! F**K YOU KRIS!

  35. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Hubert Updike
    Commented on this photo:

    “I just sharted!”

  36. Kim Kardashian Cleavage Kanye West Angel Ball
    Elton J.
    Commented on this photo:

    awful, just awful

  37. Olvia

    I love this blog . Thank you for de-glorifying these jackasses!

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