“Our deal was you stab my mother in the heart with a stake, and I have sex with you in front of Matt Lauer. Now are you going to hold up your end of the bargain or not?”
“Damn, chill, woman. I’ll handle it. Now quit talkin’ at me when I’m tryin’ to look for scarves. Mmm, yeah, I like this one. Not too scratchy…”
So remember when Kanye West did a bunch of coke and went off on Twitter about how’s he’s basically starting The Dharma Initiative complete with scientists and a new paradigm for education designed by Spike Jonze? Here’s how quickly that’s already devolved into “Do whatever it takes to keep sticking my penis in Kim Kardashian‘s butt.” Via RadarOnline:
“Kanye is head over heels in love with Kim, and he has told her he would love to appear on the reality show if she wants him to. Kim is a bit leery of having her man appear on camera because of the whole fiasco with her soon-to-be-ex-husband, Kris Humphries, but watch for Kanye to make several appearances on the show towards the end of the season. Viewers won’t see him featured in the first part of the season, and it won’t be all about Kanye,” a show insider tells RadarOnline.com exclusively.
For those of you wondering how the hell the Kardashians managed to rope in Kanye who, yes, by definition is a crazy person, does alright for himself and really doesn’t need the publicity, allow me to harken back to my earlier theory that Kris Jenner is a goddamn vampire.
KANYE: Yo, Mrs. Jenner, I don’t know why we couldn’t just talk over the phone. I’m a busy ma-
KRIS: You will have sex with my daughter and appear on her reality show…
KANYE: I will have sex with your daughter and appear on her reality show.
KRIS: You will also have sex with me right now without putting a condom on…
KANYE: I will also have sex with you right now without putting a condom on.
KRIS: And we will name the resulting child Khloe 2…
KANYE: Yeah, I’m not doing that.