Kanye West: A Blowfish Who Married His Dinosaur

July 21st, 2014 // 58 Comments
Kanye West GQ

Kanye West is GQ‘s cover interview for the month of August, and so naturally that comes with a goldmine of quotes about how he’s a blowfish, the Martin Luther King Jr. of celebrity rights, and married his dinosaur who’s also a fighter jet or something. The main point is that Kanye doesn’t do uncool shit because anything Kanye does will eventually become cool because he’s Kanye. Basically you’re in for a treat.

On how hitting his head on that pole was just Kanye being a “blowfish” because clearly he missed that one South Park episode entirely:

A blowfish?
Yeah. I’m a blowfish. I’m not a shark, I’m a blowfish. So that perfect example about me hitting my head, it’s like a blowfish. I wasn’t coming out of my house going to a paparazzi’s house to attack them. I’m defending my family in front of my own house. I’m defending my name as someone’s screaming something negative at me. That’s a blowfish. People have me pinned as a shark or a predator in some way, and in no way am I that. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. I want to defend people. I want to help people.

On making “art” in the middle of his wedding:

Can I read you something? The New York Post’s Page Six has an account of your wedding that reads, in part: “Kanye returned one hour before the wedding and didn’t like the all-white bar that was in front of the Gold Toilet Tower. He took a saw and started sawing it in half himself. Two men held the bar stable as he sawed, and sawed, into the bar, defacing the entire front, screaming at everyone around him. He said it looked like a bar from Texas. Then he ordered two pieces of raw wood to be nailed onto the front of the bar. Once the wood was in place, ‘Now,’ he said, ‘it’s art.’ The Italian construction teams looked at this guy and couldn’t believe what they were seeing.”
For the person that wrote that, were they involved with anything last year that was as culturally significant as the Yeezus tour or that album? They didn’t even talk there about the photographs, or the dress, or Andrea Bocelli singing, or the marble tables. They’re like: “It’s a gold toilet.” No. The bathrooms—that usually would be a porta-potty—were wrapped in a fabric that was neutral to match the fort. The bar was terrible, and the wedding planner didn’t approve it with me. I was having issues with this wedding planner the entire time on approvals, and I get there and they threw some weird plastic bar there. So the same materials that were used to cover the bathroom, we said, “Let’s just use that, because this is all we have to make the bar look better.” Which it did, in the end. And anyone knows that you cannot pick up tools yourself, because of—what are those rules about the workers?

Yeah, unions. You can’t do that. It’s illegal. That’s false.

On how celebrities are treated like blacks in the 60s because he’s moved past rape. Rape was last week:

Then they say you gave a forty-five-minute toast to yourself.
And what I talked about in it was the idea of celebrity, and celebrities being treated like blacks were in the ’60s, having no rights, and the fact that people can slander your name. I said that in the toast. And I had to say this in a position where I, from the art world, am marrying Kim. And how we’re going to fight to raise the respect level for celebrities so that my daughter can live a more normal life. She didn’t choose to be a celebrity. But she is. So I’m going to fight to make sure she has a better life.

On why he married Kim Kardashian:

Why’d you decide to get married?
Saying “Hey, I like Kim” isn’t as inspiring to people as us getting married. And anyone that’s in a relationship knows that in order to get to the point to get married and then to be married and to then carry on, it needs that work put into it. Right now, people look at it and it’s like, “Wow, that’s inspiring.” Meaning that love is infectious. You know, God is infectious—God flowing through us and us being little-baby creators and shit. But His energy and His love and what He wants us to have as people and the way He wants us to love each other, that is infectious. Like they said in Step Brothers: Never lose your dinosaur. This is the ultimate example of a person never losing his dinosaur. Meaning that even as I grew in cultural awareness and respect and was put higher in the class system in some way for being this musician, I never lost my dinosaur.

Kim is this girl who fucking turns me on. I love her. This is who I want to be next to and be around. And then people would try to say, “Well, you know, if you’re a musician, you should be with a musician, and if you want to design, you need to be with a girl from the design world.” I don’t give a fuck about people’s opinions. Because when a kid falls in love with an airplane or a bike or a dinosaur—especially if you’re an only child and it’s not because of the book that the sibling was reading—it’s like, fuck, you mean to tell me that the dinosaurs walked the earth and stuff like that?! That’s amazing! You mean to tell me that these giant multi-ton crafts can fly that fast and that loud, and they can flip, and there’s danger, the possibility of them exploding? That’s fucking cool! You mean to tell me that this girl with this fucking body and this face is also into style, and she’s a nice person, and she has her own money and is family-oriented? That’s just as cool as a fucking fighter jet or dinosaur! And just as rarely seen.

And why he always looked unhappy whenever he was with Kim:

Well, you build your happy wife, happy life, happy home, all this stuff, right? Everybody that’s in a relationship that has ever worked on a home knows one of the most frustrating processes is actually working on the home. So when people would see me last year, two years ago, unhappy, I was in the process of building the home.

But what makes me happy is land, and we’re on a boat now. This is Christopher Columbus. This is uncharted waters we’re on. We’d be super happy to be on land, and also a little bit like, “Ah, the journey’s over!” But I feel like, we got the Vogue cover, Steve McQueen won the Oscar, we finally got married… You know? We have a child. We’re a family now. I am an arbiter of taste, and people think that I have the ability to make things cool—or if I’m doing it, it should be cool. And I feel that this stuff’s starting to be cool. And that feels good to me. Because I don’t like walking around with people thinking I’m doing uncool shit, because there’s nothing I’m doing that’s uncool. It’s all innovative. You just might not understand it yet. But it’s cool. Family is super cool.

Keep in mind, this interview took place 10 days after his wedding, nine of which were the last time he’s even seen Kim Kardashian. So if marriage now means you go your separate ways after the honeymoon, then I’ll be the first to admit it, Kanye’s right. Marriage is cool now. Fucking awesome even.

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Photo: Courtesy of GQ.com


  1. Blowfish, gayfish … it’s all the same barrel.

    • mike

      the whole worl has seen this woman with a giant black dick in her mouth, and that’s your dinosaur. The two narrcisist belong together. Plastic people don’t last. I hate to be mean, but I would like to put that entire family in a plane and fly in into a mountain. All of them.

  2. rican

    I think I’m going to wait for the cliff notes of that interview, and then maybe ask someone to give me a summary of them.

  3. frankie

    “She didn’t choose to be a celebrity. But she is.”

    No more need be said.

  4. Not a word of that made any sense at all. Ever since his mother died the walls came down and all the bullshit she was keeping in check came flooding out.

    Fuck him and his wife. Go away and never come back.

  5. George Bush hates gay pants!!

  6. I’m going to be super pissed if it turns out he’s a genius or brilliant philosopher.

      • fuckface

        No No! I beg to differ. Aristotle, Socrates, Confucius, Nietzche. Kanye (as he will be known) truly has what is takes to be the greatest of all time. For the heir to the philosophical throne is humble, well spoken, and has a knack of riveting an audience on any medium. He has mind that is constantly at work, striving to better or explain mans’ state of existing. It is his experience that puts him over the top. The others had the misfortune of being deprived a very important piece of life. What they lacked was the personal insight of seeing your wife getting Pissed on and pounded hard video tape, not by you but a guy with a much bigger cock, and knowing it was all over the internet

  7. JC

    I find it fascinating that anyone–including him–thinks that he contributes anything worthwhile to humanity as a whole.

  8. Is this the part where we amuse ourselves by coming up with Kim’s dinosaur name?

  9. I don’t think anyone has called Kanye a “shark”. I could believe shart.

  10. Leila

    He’s a fucking idiot.

  11. Resting Bitch Face: not just for the ladies.

  12. I suspected for many years that West stopped taking the bi-polar pills his mom forced on him throughout his life when she died from that plastic surgery operation, which perfectly explains his increasingly narcissistic/erratic/neurotic/unstable behavior ever since then.

    Absolutely nothing about this interview makes me feel I could be wrong here.

  13. The Most Interesting

    In the web exclusive, he continues:
    “Y’all know that cat? Nat King Turner, man? I respect the shit outta that. ‘Cos he was a slave, man. A slave in the 40s. And then, in the 50s, he made himself into Tyrannosaurus Slave. And then his daughter? Made him into a style hologram? Man, that’s what I want for my God-baby. Once we shave her hooves down. ‘Cos she didn’t choose this life, but art, man. Culture on top of a Diamond Toilet. That’s my vision.”

  14. PassingTrue

    People with more brain activity have been taken off life support.

  15. I have a two year old who babbles on like a cracked up retard and he makes way more sense.

  16. So he got married to inspire people because he loves Kim’s body. I hope my proposal is that romantic.

  17. “celebrities being treated like blacks were in the ’60s”

    Unsurprisingly, Kanye has no idea what it was like to be black in the 1960′s.

    • mike

      Kanya..You just insulted the entire civil rights movement, you ignorant fuck. being a celebrity is as important as being virile on a deserted island…fucking useless. I know your dad in Lexington park md. I have been in his store many times. He is not like you, no wonder you never talk about him. He probably thinks your nuts too.

  18. Wemma Atson

    Having read through all of that – and in no way am I a fan of his – I have to point something out to all those above throwing shade:

    Albeit the extremely loose, figurative choice of words, Kanye actually goes on to make a few valid points about the violation of privacy that celebrities must endure. Right away, I know a lot of you would argue that marrying into the Kardashians voids any right to privacy you might have and takes away any form of credibility to that argument that he may have had, but the point remains. And yes, I know, all that money must be good to comfort oneself from all the flickers of the camera flashes. You would hope right?

    The other thing he talks about is being outside your comfort zone, which is actually a healthy thing to do, and he seems to do that consistently as an individual, which is more than what can be said for the lot of you.

    Scary, isn’t it? To think that Kanye West is actually living life closer to how it should be lived than the rest of you judging him. I’m not really to fond of him, but you can’t take any of it away either.

    Reflect on that for a second before sippin’ on the hate-o-rade.

    • Juano

      Good points. He’s a little pompous, but clearly has talent.
      I think it’s the pantload he married that attracts the bullshit, since she clearly has the brain capacity of a clam.

    • I consider him a fantastic producer, from a sonic composition perspective, with an interesting choice of subject matter, a pretty good turn of phrase and a catchy delivery, when he’s not going full cyborg with the auto-tune. That does not mean that he is not a rude, egotistical jackass with delusions of grandeur, absolutely no self-awareness and poor taste in women. My glass of hate-o-rade toasts only the latter points.

    • “Kanye actually goes on to make a few valid points about the violation of privacy that celebrities must endure. ”

      No, I categorically and completely reject that notion.

      A celebrity complaining about lack of privacy is like a goddamn heart surgeon complaining about “all the blood”.

      It’s part of the goddamn job their paid to do. Paid VERY highly to do. Kanye and every fucking shitstain like him has won the goddamn lottery of life and live like modern day royalty, and have the unmitigated and ungrateful gall to actually claim status akin to RAPE VICTIMS because their life is so tortured.

      That’s the rantings of a CHILD, and not a very fucking smart one. Kanye could pack up his millions of dollars and his hundreds of pounds of wife and ride off into the sunset to never be seen or bothered again, but he doesn’t want that. He wants wealth, and fame, and everything that comes with it EXCEPT the parts that are unpleasant to him.

      Sorry Kanye, the world isn’t going to fall over itself making your life of casual luxury more pleasant for you. Even if it were within my power to do so I wouldn’t, because fuck you.

      • On top of that, he married Kim Kardashian. KIM KARDASHIAN.

        That’s like marrying Siegfried or Roy then complaining about a tiger always watching you shit. I mean, c’mon.

      • Mama Pinkus

        I have to say, McFeely, that is one righteous and spot-on rant.

        I might add that MOST of f the population would fail to recognize Mr. West., so being the complete narcissistic asshole he is, he married someone recognized much more widely.

      • Wemma Atson

        You very well could have summarized that simply by stating he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

        The problem with your argument however, is that you’re ignoring what he is at the forefront. As much as it pains me to say it, and it does, but he is first and foremost – an artist. His music, is how he came into the public eye in the first place, and it remains his main form of expression. I’ve already stated where I stand in regards to my appreciation for him, or lack there of, so I won’t go over that again. But the fact remains – as a musician, as a singer, you want to create things for people to hear.

        If we were talking about “shitstains” like Paris Hilton, who’s only contribution to the world has been the spreading of venereal disease, I would agree full heartily. The fact still remains – when was the last time you stepped outside your comfort zone? It’s like the biggest problem in America from what I see. People go to work, sit in a chair all day, stroke their keyboards, go home to microwave meals and television. What ever happened to going out there and getting what you want? To stepping outside your c-zone? The point still remains – he seems to do that on a constant basis which really can be aspired to, regardless of how much you hate the individual at the core. And don’t get me started on his wife, I have a harpoon ready at all times for the vapid bitch.

        He could go off into the sunset, and attempt to disappear. But he has fans who would be upset about the lack of music being produced. He himself would probably fall into a heavy rut if he were to stop producing and creating what has gotten him to where he is today. What’s the point of making music if you have no one to hear it?

        On a side note, most celebrities that resulted from acting or music really don’t live all that well comparatively to individuals who have made a fortune in the world without resorting to limelight.

        “won the goddamn lottery of life” – This kind of perspective is what gives it away, really. Their life really isn’t all that great, but to the general public because of the glorification of their lives, it’s seen as so.

        A bit of a ramble, but a clarification none the less.

      • I’m not even willing to give him the “artist pass”, because he’s not satisfied with being a musician…he WANTS to be a celebrity. There’s plenty of extremely successful artists in the music industry who live relatively quiet lives.

        Kanye though lives for the complete immersion in attention. He demands it, throws tempter tantrums when he doesnt’ get it, married a walking Jabba the AttentionSlut, and then whines about being raped when he gets too much of it.

        As to concerns that Kanye might fall into a heavy rut without his music…There’s always the option of suicide which will immortalize him forever. Do it Kanye…do it….you’ll be legend. do it

      • Wemma Atson

        While I don’t condone encouraging people to kill themselves, I did crack a pretty good laugh at the “Jabba the AttentionSlut” comment. If it’s used fairly often, I must be living under a rock as it’s the first time I hear it used to refer to Kim.

    • Bonky

      You want his ramblings to mean something, but he is just a lunatic
      trying to string together disconnected thoughts into something

      I had a neighbor who would go off on the meaning of life.
      Somewhere in all that madness there was something brilliant, but
      there was just WAY TOO MUCH madness for the brilliance to

      Kanye is a wacko who has a few good thoughts deeply immersed
      in a pile of meaningless doo doo.

    • He also compared the way celebrities are treated with the way blacks were treated in the 60s, which makes him a stupid fucking idiot who has no idea what the words coming out of his mouth mean, and makes you look doubly fucking stupid for defending him.

    • Until the paps replace their digital Canon with a water cannon, Kanye is an idiot.

    • mike

      You have been deceived. This is a young man suffering from bi=pola depression and a borderline, narrcisistic personality disorder. Social work 101. Anybody with any clinincal experience can see that train wreck from a mile away. This boy needs a therapist and a cocktail of ant-depressants and mood stabilizers. I feel sorry for the baby, her parents are unbalanced, self-centered and offer absolutely nothing to the people around them or the rest of the world. I hope no one shows her mother performing oral sex on camera. This child is in trouble.

    • Blow me, you cunt.

  19. Juano

    Kim would be called a “urinalisaurus” or an “adipemasinusaurus”.
    Kanye would be a pompous ass in any language.

  20. Does anybody remember In Living Color when Damon Wayans played a prisoner with a ridiculous vocabulary that made no sense? Yeah, that.

  21. j/k

    “For the person that wrote that, were they involved with anything last year that was as culturally significant as the Yeezus tour or that album? ”
    I pooped so much once it looked like a brown hand reaching out of the toilet.

    “And then people would try to say, ‘Well, you know, if you’re a musician, you should be with a musician, and if you want to design, you need to be with a girl from the design world.’”
    He wanted to fuck so he married a whore.


  22. LilDeuceDeuce

    I love Breaking Bad but I find it embarrassing hearing Kanye repeat Walter White’s “blowfish” speech like he’s just come up with something new or profound. This dude always tries to act like he’s some sort of deep philosopher when he just sounds like someone who repeats whatever shit he saw on TV that day

  23. Jim Jones

    This interview needs to be put on rapgenius (genius.com)
    …because it needs to be deconstructed line by line.

  24. Dox

    So what I got from that….

    Is he’s a blowfish, who married a dinosaur that can flip over and explode, but is really into style, has her own money, and is into family and shit. And that apparently to be an artist, you must saw a bar in half, nail it together with 2×4′s, because commoners get married with portapotty’s.

    Oh, and his life is like the 1960′s because he has millions of dollars and that equates to being forced to use separate facilities, ride in the back of the bus, and be treated like he is subhuman…..

    Ok… that’s it…. He’s trolling us now. He has to be. Nobody is that fucking stupid, arrogant, and utterly devoid of insight.

    Except maybe the Kardashians.

  25. He makes Palin sound lucid. What a steaming crock of shit he spews – and screws.

  26. buzz

    More like gayfish married his whale.

  27. I barely read that bullsh*t halfway and I literally got a headache…. He is the Douche King of all

  28. Jason

    Listening to Kanye West is like Storage Wars episodes where we wait for someone to reveal the contents of a rusty locker (Kanye’s brain) only to find that 95% of it is complete shit. That 5% though is amazingly insightful, in this case I mean the part about Kanye loving Kim because she has her own money. I think this is the key to their entire relationship.

  29. A golden toilet???? Think the wedding planner threw that in there as a Fuck You to the bride?

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