Kal-el Coppola Cage revealed

January 24th, 2006 // 40 Comments

nic-cage-baby.jpgCanada.com has the first pictures of Kal-el Coppola Cage, Nicolas Cage’s first baby with his wife Alice Kim. This is where I usually start making fun of Nicolas Cage for naming his son after Superman, but he actually managed to produce a cute baby so I’ll let him off the hook. It’s ironic that an imbecile who would name his child after a comic book character and looks like an ugly sack of potatoes could produce such a cute baby, while one of the world’s biggest supermodels would give birth to an ugly mole creature. I’m becoming more and more convinced that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to give birth to the world’s ugliest child, just because God is funny like that.



  1. GothamGuy

    Come on. Give Seal and Heidi Klum’s baby a break. Who wants to place odds that their baby will be far cuter than anything that drizzles out of Cage? Mixed people (black and white) are always ugly newborns, but typically turn out hot…I know this from experience — namely, looking in the mirror.

  2. sammygirl

    All newborns look like ugly mole creatures. The cuteness come a few months later.

  3. Sheva

    Sorry but naming your kid after a comic book character is just moronic. Cage had a great run as an actor. He’s a complete certified loon now.

    OJ’s kids certainly came out good. Except for the acting out part after he killed their mom.

  4. DannyJames

    That baby looks like Margaret Chow. I also believe that Brad Pitt and Jolie will have a baby that looks like that monster from the Goonies.

  5. SMF121490

    Thank goodness the little guy looks like his mommy.
    I wonder if they dress him up in superman pajamas.

  6. tothemax

    I subscribe to this site’s RSS feed and when I saw the words “Kal-el Coppola Cage” on my homepage without the accompanying pic, I honestly had no idea what the fuck those words meant. Stupid stupid name.

  7. ESQ

    Sorry, the baby reminds me of that Seinfeld episode…

  8. Jayne

    Atleast he didn’t name the child Bruce Wayne.
    Because then I’d have to force myself to acknowledge Cage as a fuctioning human being.


  9. che1964

    Maybe he should have named the kid Ghostrider Coppola Cage…

  10. Larry

    That is a cute little baby. It’s a cute little baby that we can all now anticipate by around eighteen years. What I mean is, we all know exactly where the little one will go on his eighteenth birthday — straight to the court house to change his name.

    Well, at least they didn’t name him Putme-Inna.

    Cage is obviously not ready to be a father — not if he thinks naming a child is some fun comic book trivia game. Then again, he’s just one more celebrity without real friends around him to tell him that every thought that comes out of his head isn’t necessarily genius. Thus, babies named Apple and Kal-el, and Ziggurat Johosemump Gondwanaland Jolie-Pitt, or whatever the hell that ghastly name was.

    By the way, I assume that the baby is cute because his mother, Cage’s wife, is some smoking hot, top-shelf beauty. Which is Exhibit 563 for the proposition that Life Is Not Really Very Fair At All.

  11. Quote “It’s ironic that an imbecile who would name his child after a comic book character and looks like an ugly sack of potatoes could produce such a cute baby, while one of the world’s biggest supermodels would give birth to an ugly mole creature.”

    Hahahahahahahahahaha I almost spit my protein shake on the screen. Thanks for the laugh.

  12. patg

    Cute? How can a baby that looks like Mao Tse-tung be cute?


  13. mrschickee

    Larry, you saved me the effort…I am definitely naming my next child Johosemump. Thanks. LOL

  14. blackblackheart

    OMG! so cute…
    his wife is so pretty too wow..

  15. _fritolame

    For some reason, naming his kid after a comic book character is not surprising at all. I mean, he named himself after one. (Marvel Comic’s Luke Cage)

    He’s just a big nerd, who happens to be a movie star.

  16. hermanita

    I’ve heard that the ugliest the baby is his first few weeks (or months), the prettiest he/she’ll be when all grown up. But I don’t know if that’s true.

    But I can’t wait to see Angelina’s baby either!!

  17. Donna A.

    What a sweet little face.
    Donna A.

  18. Dee

    Seal and Heidi’s baby will be adorable. All babies need time to get get unscrunched from being in the womb.

  19. SugaryCherry

    Damn, if that kid is as tall as/is taller than Nick, and gets all his looks from his mother’s side… Hollywood with never let him out of its talons. Because we all know what happens to (attractive)Hollywood babies. They hit puberty and every other company is trying to get them to pose for their ad campaigns. Hopefully, he won’t get his father’s voice.. or his eyes.. or his receeding hair line. Or act like him. An asian Nicholas Cage would be more Cage I could stand.

  20. Magus

    i wonder if he named his son Kal-El just so people call him “Superdad” …

  21. yourmomisgay

    “Cute? How can a baby that looks like Mao Tse-tung be cute?”

    MAO IS CUTE THOUGH! He looks like a plump little baby, like this picture of Kal-el.

  22. hafaball

    Damn it, I’ve been saying jolie’s and pitt’s baby is going to be ugly for awhile :/ I’m suing. But yeah, Cage’s baby is cute, until it starts going bald at the age of 13 like it’s dad :p

  23. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls

    This pic is like 3 days old and Canada.com was not the first to have it. At least ackowledge when you get your shit off other people’s goosip blogs.

    One more baby that will grow up, become addicted to crack, blame it on his parents, get herpes from Britney Spears’ baby, blame it on the crack, get clean and write a freakin’ book and go on Oprah.

    Hardly anything to get excited about.

  24. happy_bunny

    All asian babies look like Mao Tse Tung.
    Just like all white babies look like Winston Churchill.

    I love K-Fed’s Corn Rolls – You know it’s Corn ROWS, right? Not Corn ROLLS.

  25. AmberDextrose

    I like babies. I want to eat them. Mm nyam, munch, crunch. Burp.

    All kids have weird names these days. It’s every parent’s duty to come up with something bizarre or doom their kids to freakdom.

    My kids are called Noodle & Milkbug and they’ll damn well like it! Bow to the Mom-Meister.

  26. convictchick

    hahah that heidi klum mole baby thing made me laugh out loud. i think i need to get out more.

  27. Tracy

    Not all white babies look like Winston Churchill… mine looked like Mel Brooks. Not a good look for a girl.

  28. Isn’t Kal-el, like, Superman or something?

  29. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls

    Nope. Didn’t know that. Seriously. I live in Utah and there arn’t any black people here.

    BTW: You know he has to be packin some serious man meat or something… Britney can’t be THAT freakin’ stupid…

  30. firecracker

    all babies, when deep fried and thinly sliced, taste the same. heavenly.

  31. bafongu

    Hmmmm. He has that Chairman Mao hat on… Maybe this is the start of the invasion? Perfect; Kanye West in his role as Jesus can order that all first born males in Hollywood be put to the sword, yeah, that’s the ticket… then Heidi Klums husband, you know, the goalie for the dart team, can sing us a song about the brave new world and then…. *shrug* Who wants gum?

  32. cakefarm

    isn’t Nick Cage’s wife like, twelve or something?

  33. theyareidiots

    To those who think that Heidi Klum’s baby will get better looking in a month or two, I have two words for you:

    Alexa Joel.

  34. ConcreteDreams

    Of course Heidi Klum’s baby is ugly. HELLO, look at Seal…

  35. sharlit159

    At least when he grows up he can go by Kal, and lie and say his name was Kallum or Kalvin or something…

  36. HollyJ


  37. LickyLicky

    Awwww, he’s a cutie! I thought his dad was hot for a long time, until he got really weird. Or maybe he was always weird and was using some yellow-sun raygun on me…

  38. jackielynnn

    just for the record, it doesn’t matter that nicolas cage is balding. the gene is actually passed on through the female.

    so if his wife’s dad has a receeding hairline, THEN the kid’s in trouble.

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