Canada.com has the first pictures of Kal-el Coppola Cage, Nicolas Cage’s first baby with his wife Alice Kim. This is where I usually start making fun of Nicolas Cage for naming his son after Superman, but he actually managed to produce a cute baby so I’ll let him off the hook. It’s ironic that an imbecile who would name his child after a comic book character and looks like an ugly sack of potatoes could produce such a cute baby, while one of the world’s biggest supermodels would give birth to an ugly mole creature. I’m becoming more and more convinced that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going to give birth to the world’s ugliest child, just because God is funny like that.
Kal-el Coppola Cage revealed
January 24th, 2006 // 40 Comments
 |
Courteney Cox's Shocking Confession About Her Sex Life – Huffington Post |
 Why Was This Celebrity Booed Off This Hit TV Show? – Fox News | |
| 50 Most Scandalous Cheerleaders in Sports History – Bleacher Report | |
| Skinny Star in a Bikini Talks About Being Anorexic – Evil Beet Gossip | |
| Sasha Grey keeps doing it for the kids. – TMZ | |
| Kate Middleton Steps Out On Her Own – Lainey Gossip |
GothamGuy | January 24, 2006 at 3:46 pm
Come on. Give Seal and Heidi Klum’s baby a break. Who wants to place odds that their baby will be far cuter than anything that drizzles out of Cage? Mixed people (black and white) are always ugly newborns, but typically turn out hot…I know this from experience — namely, looking in the mirror.
sammygirl | January 24, 2006 at 3:49 pm
All newborns look like ugly mole creatures. The cuteness come a few months later.
Sheva | January 24, 2006 at 3:50 pm
Sorry but naming your kid after a comic book character is just moronic. Cage had a great run as an actor. He’s a complete certified loon now.
OJ’s kids certainly came out good. Except for the acting out part after he killed their mom.
DannyJames | January 24, 2006 at 4:05 pm
That baby looks like Margaret Chow. I also believe that Brad Pitt and Jolie will have a baby that looks like that monster from the Goonies.
DannyJames | January 24, 2006 at 4:06 pm
oops i forgot to post the link!
http://www.quevieneelpeloton.com/miticos/images/goonies.jpg
SMF121490 | January 24, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Thank goodness the little guy looks like his mommy.
I wonder if they dress him up in superman pajamas.
tothemax | January 24, 2006 at 4:39 pm
I subscribe to this site’s RSS feed and when I saw the words “Kal-el Coppola Cage” on my homepage without the accompanying pic, I honestly had no idea what the fuck those words meant. Stupid stupid name.
ESQ | January 24, 2006 at 4:45 pm
Sorry, the baby reminds me of that Seinfeld episode…
Jayne | January 24, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Atleast he didn’t name the child Bruce Wayne.
Because then I’d have to force myself to acknowledge Cage as a fuctioning human being.
Batman
*swooons*
che1964 | January 24, 2006 at 5:55 pm
Maybe he should have named the kid Ghostrider Coppola Cage…
Larry | January 24, 2006 at 5:58 pm
That is a cute little baby. It’s a cute little baby that we can all now anticipate by around eighteen years. What I mean is, we all know exactly where the little one will go on his eighteenth birthday — straight to the court house to change his name.
Well, at least they didn’t name him Putme-Inna.
Cage is obviously not ready to be a father — not if he thinks naming a child is some fun comic book trivia game. Then again, he’s just one more celebrity without real friends around him to tell him that every thought that comes out of his head isn’t necessarily genius. Thus, babies named Apple and Kal-el, and Ziggurat Johosemump Gondwanaland Jolie-Pitt, or whatever the hell that ghastly name was.
By the way, I assume that the baby is cute because his mother, Cage’s wife, is some smoking hot, top-shelf beauty. Which is Exhibit 563 for the proposition that Life Is Not Really Very Fair At All.
Shaun | January 24, 2006 at 6:00 pm
Quote “It’s ironic that an imbecile who would name his child after a comic book character and looks like an ugly sack of potatoes could produce such a cute baby, while one of the world’s biggest supermodels would give birth to an ugly mole creature.”
Hahahahahahahahahaha I almost spit my protein shake on the screen. Thanks for the laugh.
patg | January 24, 2006 at 7:15 pm
Cute? How can a baby that looks like Mao Tse-tung be cute?
http://mypetjawa.mu.nu/archives/mao.jpg
mrschickee | January 24, 2006 at 7:21 pm
Larry, you saved me the effort…I am definitely naming my next child Johosemump. Thanks. LOL
blackblackheart | January 24, 2006 at 9:33 pm
OMG! so cute…
his wife is so pretty too wow..
*gasp*
_fritolame | January 24, 2006 at 10:25 pm
For some reason, naming his kid after a comic book character is not surprising at all. I mean, he named himself after one. (Marvel Comic’s Luke Cage)
He’s just a big nerd, who happens to be a movie star.
hermanita | January 24, 2006 at 11:12 pm
I’ve heard that the ugliest the baby is his first few weeks (or months), the prettiest he/she’ll be when all grown up. But I don’t know if that’s true.
But I can’t wait to see Angelina’s baby either!!
Donna A. | January 24, 2006 at 11:42 pm
What a sweet little face.
Donna A.
Dee | January 24, 2006 at 11:47 pm
Seal and Heidi’s baby will be adorable. All babies need time to get get unscrunched from being in the womb.
SugaryCherry | January 25, 2006 at 12:13 am
Damn, if that kid is as tall as/is taller than Nick, and gets all his looks from his mother’s side… Hollywood with never let him out of its talons. Because we all know what happens to (attractive)Hollywood babies. They hit puberty and every other company is trying to get them to pose for their ad campaigns. Hopefully, he won’t get his father’s voice.. or his eyes.. or his receeding hair line. Or act like him. An asian Nicholas Cage would be more Cage I could stand.
Magus | January 25, 2006 at 12:24 am
i wonder if he named his son Kal-El just so people call him “Superdad” …
yourmomisgay | January 25, 2006 at 12:39 am
“Cute? How can a baby that looks like Mao Tse-tung be cute?”
MAO IS CUTE THOUGH! He looks like a plump little baby, like this picture of Kal-el.
hafaball | January 25, 2006 at 12:46 am
Damn it, I’ve been saying jolie’s and pitt’s baby is going to be ugly for awhile :/ I’m suing. But yeah, Cage’s baby is cute, until it starts going bald at the age of 13 like it’s dad :p
I love K-fed's Corn Rolls | January 25, 2006 at 4:24 am
This pic is like 3 days old and Canada.com was not the first to have it. At least ackowledge when you get your shit off other people’s goosip blogs.
One more baby that will grow up, become addicted to crack, blame it on his parents, get herpes from Britney Spears’ baby, blame it on the crack, get clean and write a freakin’ book and go on Oprah.
Hardly anything to get excited about.
happy_bunny | January 25, 2006 at 5:00 am
All asian babies look like Mao Tse Tung.
Just like all white babies look like Winston Churchill.
I love K-Fed’s Corn Rolls – You know it’s Corn ROWS, right? Not Corn ROLLS.
AmberDextrose | January 25, 2006 at 5:46 am
I like babies. I want to eat them. Mm nyam, munch, crunch. Burp.
All kids have weird names these days. It’s every parent’s duty to come up with something bizarre or doom their kids to freakdom.
My kids are called Noodle & Milkbug and they’ll damn well like it! Bow to the Mom-Meister.
convictchick | January 25, 2006 at 6:08 am
hahah that heidi klum mole baby thing made me laugh out loud. i think i need to get out more.
Tracy | January 25, 2006 at 6:51 am
Not all white babies look like Winston Churchill… mine looked like Mel Brooks. Not a good look for a girl.
Buffy Holt | January 25, 2006 at 7:24 am
Isn’t Kal-el, like, Superman or something?
I love K-fed's Corn Rolls | January 25, 2006 at 9:25 am
HAPPY BUNNY-
Nope. Didn’t know that. Seriously. I live in Utah and there arn’t any black people here.
BTW: You know he has to be packin some serious man meat or something… Britney can’t be THAT freakin’ stupid…
firecracker | January 25, 2006 at 9:40 am
all babies, when deep fried and thinly sliced, taste the same. heavenly.
bafongu | January 25, 2006 at 9:57 am
Hmmmm. He has that Chairman Mao hat on… Maybe this is the start of the invasion? Perfect; Kanye West in his role as Jesus can order that all first born males in Hollywood be put to the sword, yeah, that’s the ticket… then Heidi Klums husband, you know, the goalie for the dart team, can sing us a song about the brave new world and then…. *shrug* Who wants gum?
cakefarm | January 25, 2006 at 2:10 pm
isn’t Nick Cage’s wife like, twelve or something?
theyareidiots | January 25, 2006 at 2:19 pm
To those who think that Heidi Klum’s baby will get better looking in a month or two, I have two words for you:
Alexa Joel.
ConcreteDreams | January 25, 2006 at 9:05 pm
Of course Heidi Klum’s baby is ugly. HELLO, look at Seal…
sharlit159 | January 25, 2006 at 9:41 pm
At least when he grows up he can go by Kal, and lie and say his name was Kallum or Kalvin or something…
HollyJ | January 25, 2006 at 10:34 pm
THAT IS SUCH A CUTE BABY!!
LickyLicky | January 25, 2006 at 11:16 pm
Awwww, he’s a cutie! I thought his dad was hot for a long time, until he got really weird. Or maybe he was always weird and was using some yellow-sun raygun on me…
jackielynnn | January 25, 2006 at 11:35 pm
just for the record, it doesn’t matter that nicolas cage is balding. the gene is actually passed on through the female.
so if his wife’s dad has a receeding hairline, THEN the kid’s in trouble.
HollywoodSnark | December 14, 2006 at 10:27 am
wow, he’s really crazy….
http://hollywoodsnark.com