Kacey Jordan Wins ‘Best Whore’

March 3rd, 2011 // 83 Comments

Joining the ranks of such empowered women as Jamie Jungers, who has to be just thrilled I reminded everyone she banged Tiger Woods for money – which she did, Kacey Jordan won this morning’s Porn Star pageant on The Howard Stern Show despite attempting to pretending she’s capable of dignity just two days ago on Twitter:

Not too happy having to share Howard stern time with these other stupid whores, I might back out… I’m not that desperate!

Coincidentally, Jamie claimed she didn’t want to capitalize on her fame as a gold-digging prostitute to the stars, only to also turn around and do last year’s pageant for the $75,000 prize. Now I’m not saying Tiger and Charlie surrounded themselves with essentially hookers because they can’t get laid otherwise. I’m just saying it’s going to be a miracle if Charlie doesn’t wake up to find one of his kids has been sold into white slavery because these women are dead inside. Seriously, if I drove by his house waving a dollar bill out the window, I guarantee I could make at least two of them burst through the doggy door like the goddamn Beggin’ Strips commercial.

*sniff sniff* “Money! Money! Where’s the money? I smell money! MONEEEYYYY!”

Photos: INFdaily

superficial

  1. gogo

    FIRRSTTTTTT HAHAHAHAHAHA

  2. Kacey Jordan, more proof that men will pay money to fuck ANYTHING!!!

    • Splint Chesthair

      Men don’t pay hookers to fuck them, they pay them to get the fuck out of the house afterwards.

      • Sugar

        Guys bring hookers home?

      • Sandwich

        No, I’m pretty sure they pay for the sex. Anyone can have sex with someone and then kick them out afterwards.

        /your statement is tired

      • Yes, let’s hear that argument one MORE TIME. Men pay hookers to fuck them. Men pay hookers because they are a sure thing. Men pay hookers because they can do nasty things to them that a lot of women who are not prostitutes wouldn’t let them do. THAT’S WHY MEN PAY HOOKERS.

        If Charlie Sheen paid these hookers to leave the house afterwards, HE SHOULD GET HIS MONEY BACK.

  3. Matt

    Jaime Jungers’ prize for the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant was $75,000 not $10,000.

    Fact Check…

    • Nice catch. Updated the post.

      Kacey won the $10,000. Jamie Jungers won $75,000 presumably because she’s a cocktail waitress, the fanciest of the hooker breed.

  4. DD

    Dammit. I always hear about contests when it’s too late to enter.

  5. Clarence Beeks

    she has a busted face,. and the body of a pre-pubescent tween. Anyone who find this chick hot, and watches her fuck should be in therapy.

    • My therapy sessions aside, I’m not sure what one has to do with the other. Are you really saying that you’ve never watched a porno with a chick that was just so-so?

      “Bah, that chick that’s taking four cocks in her ass is just average-looking. I’m turning this nonsense off.”

      Color me skeptical.

      • Clarence Beeks

        average looking with a WOMAN’S body? yes.

        she looks like a LITTLE GIRL. That is my point. Only pedophiles would want to watch this chick!

      • uncle phil

        no we wouldn’t. i mean, they probably would. cos they’re so sick and weird.

      • Amy Sandwich

        I’m inclined to agree with Iveski. If they were beautiful women, they probably wouldn’t be in porn. They could just find someone to take care of them. Even the ones that appear decent looking are caked with makeup, etc.

      • Amy Sandwich

        Clarence, using your logic, anyone who finds Asian women attractive are pedophiles. Some people like petite, skinny women. It doesn’t mean they are sick.

      • Clarence Beeks

        nooooo, you misunderstand me, or I am not explaining it correctly…..have you ever seen this woman naked? her boobs don’t look like Kate Hudson flat. they look like they are budding-( and I happen to be a woman by the way.) there is something scary about the way her body looks to me. it is too much like a girl, not a woman. It makes me believe Charlie Sheen was looking at child porn, and Denise Richards was not lying.

  6. The Critical Crassness

    Geez, I bet the photog who took that picture needed a new camera and a shower after being that close to her skanky ass and having her face break the camera!

  7. Star Droppings

    Great skin. I wonder where she gets her facials.

  8. Seth Rogen's vagina

    you can’t possibly be serious about the comments that tiger woods & charlie sheen employ hookers because otherwise they couldn’t get laid? really? either one of them, as a wealthy & famous actor/athlete could, and has capably proven, they could get laid anyplace, anytime. they employ hookers because all the women that seek them out are whores to some degree, with the professionals, at least they know what it’s going to cost upfront.
    also, you wouldn’t get this whore who gets $30,000 a night for hookering and $10,000 just for showing up on Howard Stern’s show to so much as fart in your direction for a dollar, let alone send her running loony through a doggie door after it – although the beggin’ strips commerical imagery is funny as hell.

    • Hurp

      Simmer down Sally.

    • Burt

      She’s unattractive. Better yet, I’d be repulsed if a woman who looked like that would hit on me.

    • I forget who said it, but the money isn’t for the sex, it’s for going away afterwards and shutting the hell up. Although, the current trend in high-priced hookery doesn’t seem to support that theory…

      • Cock Dr

        Further proof that Charlie is completely whacked out.
        Dammit man, you don’t let hookers move into your house.

  9. Tiger Woods and The Charlie Sheen (and others) are causing a hooker boom economy…used to be $1000 a night was TOP quality “escort”, now we’ve got gutter skank trash expecting $30K and a Bentley to get the job done.

    Well, at least we know there’s an inevitable “bubble burst” coming, when the market will be flush with hookers at bargain prices.

  10. Fletch

    This chick is NOT attractive in any way shape or form.

  11. Grace

    fuck she is ugly as hell

  12. w. j. clinton

    I wouldn’t fuck her with hillary’s dick.

  13. Hank the Angry Dwarf

    Bababooey!

  14. Richard McBeef

    “Not too happy having to share Howard stern time with these other stupid whores, I might back out… I’m not that desperate!”

    “other” stupid whores?

    at least she isn’t so stupid she that doesn’t know what she is.

  15. Chicago_animal

    It’s amazing how not hot this whore is! Her face is not hot, she has real tits but they are mosquito bites and that pussy is just destroyed.

    • mel

      right! i looked her up on freeones.ca and her pussy is fucking mangled! gigantic, hanging and mangled. like chyna’s clam.

  16. SaraBell

    The OTHER stupid whores?
    As in she flat out admits she’s a stupid whore and doesn’t like the OTHER stupid whores?

  17. CG

    So NOT hot. Just another stupid whore with a face only a mother could love. Charlie is a fucking moron for paying for that.

  18. Kacey Jordan is 22 years old…either the porn lifestyle, or exposure to the Charlie Sheen Face Melting Penis Filled With Tiger Blood is rough on the complexion.

  19. Pat C

    Those guys don’t pay hookers because he can’t get sex otherwise; they pay hookers because they go away when their job is done.

    • asdf

      That doesn’t seem to be the case here though.

    • Burt

      Right, because women are suckers for scrawny middle-aged men with a drug problem and mental health issues.

    • Amy Sandwich

      Umm yeah…i think that has been said about a million times on this thread as well as a million times on a million other threads. You aren’t clever or cutting edge.

  20. Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant
    duder
    Commented on this photo:

    You know what I look for in a girl? Bruises on her legs. They are delicious to me. They just scream, “there are more important things than being treated well, and I wear this dress because I don’t care who knows it.”

  21. Cock Dr

    Isn’t the adult entertainment “star” lifestyle a glamorous one?
    What kind of future do these women have once their looks & holes are all used up? Just wondering….

    • Celebrity blogger.

    • oldfool

      They end up on “Real Housewives of ……….”

    • Amy Sandwich

      Investments. These women hire the best investors and financial planners around. They diversify their funds into energy, commodities, steel, etc. Usually, after saving every dime they make, they can retire at a supremely early age–like 35. They live out their lives in comfort and marry well.

      Kidding. They usually get married when their looks start to dwindle to an insecure loser who loves being married to a “porn star.” They do lots of drugs and he inevitably beats her. She then disappears into the system and we, the taxpayers, pay for her std treatment until she somehow manages to make until her 98th birthday.

  22. Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant
    duder
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ve always wanted to fuck the Joker. Or maybe that’s Paul Stanley without the makeup. Hmmmm.

  23. Captain Dick

    I think I got an STD just by looking at that photo…….

  24. Rhialto

    And that same way is going over two months going on by now. How does that feel? Who cares it’s just only me ofcourse.

    • Nero

      Our carefully selected psychologic profile is telling us that it’s going to be an april fool’s joke again.

  25. Yoda

    Ugh, what a skanky AIDS whore.

  26. Crabby Old Guy

    Really? A guy would PAY to fuck that (or the other whores)? The ugly broads aren’t the only ones with self-esteem issues. At the end of the day it’s just a matter of shooting your load – hell, do it rubbing one out while thinking of Katy Perry, Katie Holmes, phuk, Katie Couric, whomever – and use the cash for something that doesn’t make you piss blood and toxins.

    Not really Mensa candidates, these guy.

    • mel

      i could see plunging bree olson or the weed model’s corn wagon but this one looks like the tuesday afternoon special at the strip joint. i’d rather bust my seed into a kleenex.

  27. mel

    i like her tiny tits but her face looks worse than what i clogged my toilet with this morning. too much space between her nose and her upper lip and appears to lack a human chin.

  28. Deacon Jones

    That’s a face only a father could cum on.

  29. Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Addicted to teeth bleaching.
    Probably has something to do with her type of work.

  30. Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That face is fucking weird.
    Something very wrong there.

  31. Sugar

    This bitch is tore up from the floor up.

  32. I would not fuck this with a rented cock.

  33. Elliott

    I was listening to the pagent this morning, and all the guys on the Stern show just kept gushing about how beautiful the three girls were. I was surprised when I came here and saw their pictures. Woof. All three of these chicks are busted. Well, except for maybe the Melanie chick. She’s not too bad. But one guy said Capri was probably the most beautiful girl they have ever had on the show. Jesus, they need to get out and find some hotter chicks to get in there.

  34. Kacey Jordan Wins ‘Best Pencil Troll Impersonation’

  35. anonym

    out of this group of whores, I would have picked Melanie.

    kacey is nasty. no figure. not tits. nothing.

  36. the captain

    she was extremely proud to be seen as a TOP prostitute.

  37. Sangriatic

    READ: Kacey Jordan wins ‘Best Human Look-Alike’.

  38. Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant
    JCKW
    Commented on this photo:

    Charlie likes it when I blow cocaine into his face, like this

  39. Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant
    Nik
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that you Curious George?

  40. JBM

    She looks like Emily Blunt or Rooney Mara if they went an entire year living on vodka-and-sodas and chain-smoking.

  41. Elle

    It’s important to aspire to things. Now, flat chested dirty hos everywhere have a purppse.

  42. Elle

    Also, she makes Ke$ha look classy and wholesome.

  43. Ill Rough you just the way you are

    What was the criteria for her to win such esteem title (Well in her profession at least). I’ve been saying she’s the best whore the moment, I saw the mini octopus she was sporting between her walking implements…

  44. Eddie Baby

    As Victor Sweet says, “You don’t pay a ho to do you. You pay her to leave.”

  45. Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant
    jinxx
    Commented on this photo:

    i just can’t stop laughing

  46. winter

    Her face looks like a kicked in trash can.

  47. Isn’t that like winning “least stinky turd”?

  48. Charlie Sheen Porn Star Pageant
    Commented on this photo:

    So THAT’s what the Grinch does when she’s not stealing Christmas.

  49. Scatterflake

    That is one truly scabby, stanky, skanky, smelly ,scurfy slutbag! Bring on the penicillin. She’s pure fugly.

  50. BZKatt

    Hard to believe Charlie paid her 30 grand, but to be fair, he was blown out of his mind, lol

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