Kacey Jordan: ‘Charlie Sheen Promised Me a Bentley’

January 28th, 2011 // 77 Comments

Like an idiot, I assumed yesterday that porn star Kacey Jordan lawyered up because Charlie Sheen had more than likely overdosed on a briefcase full of coke. Turns out the reason was much more simple and obvious than that: Gold diggin’. RadarOnline reports:

“Ok for all the f**king haters… I’m getting a baby blue convertible Bentley next month so I dunno…HUSH fml,” the 22-year-old porn star wrote on her Twitter account Wednesday afternoon.
Sources confirmed to RadarOnline.com that the Two and a Half Men star made numerous promises to the porn stars he was partying with.
“My life has changed… Speechless :)” Kacey wrote.
Seems Kacey may have gotten her hopes up in the aftermath of Charlie’s hospitalization – just like the porn stars that came before her, she’s hired a lawyer.

Kacey is already blabbing to TMZ, but seriously, does Charlie Sheen really need to pay for these chicks’ silence at this point? For starters, I’m pretty sure having sex with four other women on a man’s coffee table while he snorts coke out of a coffee mug isn’t a legally binding contract to buy you a car, or I’d have ten by now. Second, what the hell are they going to say that people don’t already assume, if not consider irrefutable fact?

THEM: And then Charlie said if we didn’t shoot a Mexican midget in front of him, he can’t get it up. Then he made us bury it in the backyard. — Using only our hands! *sobs* He ate a sandwich the whole time and laughed when we broke our nails. Oh, God, I can still hear him chewing…
US: Wow. How entirely unexpected. *yawn*

Photos: Glamour Models Gone Bad (NSFW), INFdaily


  1. jojo

    This is what you look like when you have been donkey punched 5 nights a week.

  2. me

    Blame Ricky Gervais! hahaha

    BTW: Fish be on a roll!

    • Satan's bitch

      Boys will stick their penises in anything. Bleah.

      • Fabiaire


        Add a “C” to that word and you have the name of the substance you have to use to clean your dick off after you’re done banging this trashy slut.

  3. Hemingway

    22? In that first pic, she doesn’t look a day over 40.

  4. mamamiasweetpeaches

    Shes not as cute as she thinks she is. And he face shes making makes her look like shes smelling her own farts

  5. That Guy

    Eh, with all the publicity this broad is about to get ,she’ll get her Bentley.

  6. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    She has the body of a 12 year old girl….and a butterface….hmmm…Oh yea, she does porn..standards aren’t set very high

  7. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Based on all of these pictures, she REALLY needs to work on her “come get me” face.

  8. Drew

    Whatever, I’d stick my dick in her ass.

  9. GravyLeg

    Should have promised her a nose job.

  10. Compound9

    So all you need to be considered a porn star is to have dyed hair, loose morals, and Charlie Sheens phone number?

    We love you Charlie wish you the best, keep up the good work.

  11. Compound9

    No seriously, Charlie your the best. How can we ever be mad at that smile.

  12. Come_Honor_Face

    whats the Over/under as to how many times this girl has been raped…..either by dad/stepdad/boyfriend/mom’s friend/child-hood friend/teacher/madeup-friend……when she joins Celeb Rehab 19, ill say…25x

  13. Mortimer Duke

    Of course he did. And he meant it too.

    What sort of faith based system do porn stars and coke heads have?

  14. Kacey Jordan
    who cares?
    Commented on this photo:

    wow her ass cheek makes a perfect 90 degree angle; not even worth a geo metro.

  15. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG, she is GROSS!!!!

  16. Kacey Jordan
    who cares?
    Commented on this photo:

    “omg. you’ve started in how many movies i’ve never heard of?”

  17. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    duck face

  18. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Chick would be cute if she didn’t make smellyface all the time, and if she had a rack.

  19. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    more duck face

  20. DOucHe BaGELs

    I remember when Charlie whispered in my ear that he would buy me a G6.

    Then I woke up in an alley with a homeless guy spooning me. He looked like Charlie Sheen so I lawyered up.

  21. venividivixen

    The only thing I can say is that I saw more Kacey Jordan’s movies than Charlie Sheen’s

  22. Cock Dr

    In every photo the blogger has presented this little slut looks as if she’s smelling something bad.
    I guess that look is appropriate for her field of expertise; relieving old broken down rich cokehead johns of their cash & other financial assets. It stinks, but she’ll probably get that car.

    • Bucky Barnes

      When we can no longer trust the good intentions of folks in the porn business I have to ask myself, is life is still worth living?

  23. Lady Blah Blah

    Who is this, Jimmy Durante’s granddaughter?

  24. Diana

    Stupid-looking vapid blonde skank.

  25. Deacon Jones

    C’mon now Fish. Sheen’s trying to form a “House of Porn” down the street from him, he’s shooting for a regulat harlot. Part of the payment for them living there is a Bentley.

    But this girl fucked up, she ratted on him about the briefcase and free-basing cocaine for 2 days straight, she’s not seeing a thing. Hope her little payout was worth it.

  26. I’m not sure I follow. Is a Bentley some kind of sexual maneuver that Charlie’s going to perform on her? Like a Rusty Trombone or a Cleveland Steamer?

  27. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    No hips, no tits, duck lips, nose beak, and oompa loompa tan.

  28. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    So that’s what a 12 yr old boy would look like in bed….

  29. He probably said, “You could fit a Bentley in that thing!”

    • Crabby Old Guy

      I’m with ya on that call. Hell, I wouldn’t bang that with Charlie Sheen’s dick. Better looking women working at Taco Bell.

  30. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    It is Kate Gosselin, that is if she did the more moral act of whoring herself instead of her 8 kids.

  31. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    I saw a movie with this woman once! Get this, she puts penises in her vagina area! Oh my goodness. That’s nutty.

  32. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard, she needed to be promised a boob job to keep her career alive.

  33. slappy magoo

    Paris Hilton always looks like she’s been smacked in the face with a turd-covered shovel. This one looks like she was smacked in the face with Paris Hilton post-turd-covered-shovel smash.

  34. Kerri

    gosh these ‘girls’ are ugly. wow.

  35. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Im sure, her real room dont look like that.

  36. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s fucking ugly

  37. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks 12. Only Pedo’s like this look.

  38. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:


  39. jamaican n!ga


    she is UGLY, ugly as hell,
    besides, Is Charlie Sheen into women with really tiny t!ts???
    every porn star we keep getting information that was with him is like an A-B cup
    I am rather disappointed in Charlie, He could have done WAY BETTER…

    • Cock Dr

      As fucked up as Charlie is, he must know that if he gets caught with an actual underaged girl he will be in a spot of trouble.
      Obviously Charlie would like to have underaged girls, but tries hard to find women who look as if they haven’t yet reached that magical age of 18.
      Exhibit A – Ms. Jordan
      Exhibit B – Ms. Rios

      • Lady Blah Blah

        The age of consent is 18 in CA, but the age of consent in adjoining Nevada is 16. Surely Charlie is aware of this and takes advantage of it if that’s his thing.

  40. This is Truth

    Her beak is disgusting.

    Seriously, I’d rather rub one out to a picture a bum taking a piss on the side of a building than to watch anything that this scab-riddled whore “acted” in.

    Yuck. Sheen must have been high to drag this back to his crib.

  41. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    I cannot get over how gross this chick is!

  42. miles

    fuck. you guys are assholes. i’d totally fuck her. hell, i’d fuck snooki too… i’ve fucked way worse before. at 22 she’s probably prettier without all that makeup on.

    • Fabiaire

      “i’d totally fuck her. hell, i’d fuck snooki too… ”

      And I say more power to you, friend. If you wish to keep your standards rock-bottom, that’s your business. Just don’t come crying to us when you find out you’re riddled with STDs. Condoms don’t protect you from everything…

  43. Cardinal Fang

    Anyone else tired of the “making a heart with your hands” thing?

  44. Wotwot

    Did he fuck her in the face?

  45. Jen

    Why does she (and every other porn star) have to make that face? Looks like shes taking the most painful shit ever. Next she will open her mouth and breath through her teeth and grunt. Ugggh

  46. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    I seriously hate this girls face. It’s so bad.

  47. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought porn stars had big tits, this girl is flat chested.

  48. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Assume position 12: insertion from both ends

  49. Kacey Jordan
    Commented on this photo:

    Sure enough, there were much more interesting things to look at outside.

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