JWoww Wants to Have a Baby

April 8th, 2011 // 59 Comments

One of the few, if not only defense for Jersey Shore was always, “Hey, at least they’re not squirting out babies like those kids on Teen Mom.” Granted, they’re spreading disease and pestilence to an entire seaboard, but at the end of the day they weren’t violently reproducing. Until now. Life & Style reports:

Hopefully I’ll be able to settle down and have kids within the next couple of years — maybe even the beginning of next year,” she tells Life & Style exclusively. “I don’t see myself going to the Shore in the next five years or so. I don’t want to jinx it — I haven’t really talked about it — but it would be nice.”

Just to put things in perspective, JWoww is going to bring a child into the world and then essentially force it to suckle on the equivalent of a beach ball yanked out of a Fukushima reactor while at the same time Republicans want to shutdown the government because they think there are too many abortions. I mean, what the- Have we entered some sort of alternate, parallel dimension? If I step outside will a talking dog tell me I need to find the Star Child? WHAT IS THIS STRANGE LAND?!

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News

superficial

  1. I happen to like J-Wow, she can pee in my living room anytime.

  2. Josephus

    I really don’t know how to feel about this. Part of me wants to give her exactly what she wants. But that same part of me was excited by the Tara Reid pictures the other day, so we know he’s not that smart.

  3. JWoww
    Josephus
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude: ::works his game, figuring the “Jersey Shore” slut shouldn’t be that hard::

    J-Woww: “Heh, he’s whispering. At Whisper. Heh.”

  4. Hugh Gentry

    I’ll pee on her

  5. SIN

    I would gladly make her my babies momma.

  6. In Jersey, all you have to do is go tanning with your bottoms off to get pregnant.

  7. naano

    oh please. you think she’s really gonna ruin the one thing she has going for her and give up the $$ to have a baby with that rapist chimpanzee she calls her boyfriend?

  8. Snooki's Taint

    I’d put a baby up in that. But first, can someone tell me if they make Hazmat Suits with a penis protrusion?

  9. JC

    I always wondered what it would be like to watch an old catcher’s mitt give birth.

  10. I smell a spin-off. It’s vaguely reminiscent of cheap gin, rotting limburger and cured cowhide.

  11. RoboZombie

    This is the America brought to you by the Reagan “revolution”: It’s all about greed and thinking only of yourself and what you want; about having all the trappings of the lives of the rich, even if you can’t afford it.
    Maybe Sarah Palin can help her take care of the poor kid if/when she has it.

    • uncle ruckus

      Holy hell, do you know how fucking stupid you sound?

    • Dan

      Actually I think you are right in a way – I think it is the nature of all creatures to do as little as they can get away with. Since about 1950, life in the US has been pretty much fat and happy. You don’t have to work that hard to survive. And even if you don’t work much at all, someone will give you what you need for survival.

      I think having all the trappings of the rich without being able to afford it is really a result of our consumerist culture (notice I didn’t say capitalist). I think this way of thinking has come about because people don’t want to make the effort to have real things in their life, like relationships and products of their hard work. They would much rather take the easy way of being fulfilled by buying shit they shouldn’t have.

      Sarah Palin is a political opportunist – she would probably take pictures with the kid or demonize it. I am not sure which ;) Probably depends on the polls at the time.

      Anyway, interesting post.

  12. Jeremy

    Surprise sterilization. Make it a reality show.

  13. I would love to shoot out my kids all over those big tits of hers.

  14. You mean she wants something come OUT of her vagina?

  15. Whatever she does she better do fast, she’s aging one year per month, which means her uteris falls out around the winter solstace.

    Fyi fish, that dog’s name is Sirius. But he’s not expected to line up with orion’s belt again to point out a new messiah til some year between 2160 and 2600. Worry more that that water bearer is ruled by Uranus. Meaning drinking water will taste like it’s imported from Hoboken/

  16. HackSaw

    Call me.

  17. Greg Suarez

    This is the pose we call “Professor JWoww.”

  18. If there truly is a Lord in heaven, he won’t let this happen. Surely, all that tanning has charbroiled her uterus and rendered it useless. Right??? Right???????

  19. Deacon Jones

    Wow, I thought my ex aged fast.

    She’ll lose her shit without being able to drink, smoke, or pound red bull

  20. ScarySpice

    Would the baby come out tanned and with huge thunder tits?

  21. Papa don’t preach…………

  22. cc

    She looks cheap and fake and acts stunned…but in a pinch if she was desperate for a baby I’d be willing to make a twice daily contribution until she is preggers and then twice daily for several months after that so that maybe she can have twins.

    And yes I realize that’s not how ‘twins’ work but I bet she doesn’t.

  23. JWoww
    Ksurfiws
    Commented on this photo:

    It will never happen if she keeps swallowing

  24. I’d rather see her retired to the farm where she’s turned into glue and dog food. But that’s just me.

  25. She heard that having babies after 40 was risky, and since her face is already 40, she’s getting anxious.

  26. Dan

    I am not that surprised or worked up about the whole thing.

    I is not too unreasonable for woman who has trouble keeping men (because she chooses douchebags) to think that having a kid with one will keep him around. I have seen it before and I will see it again.

    Not much you can do about it.

  27. “MUFFFFFF CABBAGE!”

  28. Snookie will definitely eat it.

  29. after seeing Snooki. I could possibly be willing .

  30. Well Ms. Woww, I’m not sure why, but all the sonogram can make out is a uniform orange color.

  31. Fish, you're a hack

    “Republicans want to shutdown the government because they think there are too many abortions”
    Straight from Reid/Pelosi to the superficial. You must be getting the daily DNC talking points on the ol’ fax machine.

    • Funeral Guy

      All these gossip site purveyors are flaming libs. If they didn’t show tits and celebrities acting like terminal morons, I wouldn’t waste my time on them.

  32. “Does this make my face look old?”

  33. youcandieNOW

    Researchers will finally know more about how long it takes to cook a newborn in a tanning bed.

  34. Funeral Guy

    Wouldn’t this woman have to be fucked to have a baby? Who would do such a thing?

  35. That baby will fist pump the shit out of her uterus…

  36. Lizzy

    Darwin seems to have gotten aggressive. If this happens, I predict a cataclysm with this particular Anti Christ as the source.

  37. 193-Chad Ward

    I believe wanting to have kids is a hard thing, but not that easy

  38. shithead

    Why do all the dumbest people on the planet have to reproduce?

  39. JWoww
    gmoney8162
    Commented on this photo:

    nice tanned body woo! fug face u all know

  40. the captain

    she is cinciddered as “Intelligent”?

  41. SuperT

    This will end one of two ways. 1: It will begin some manner of zombie virus leaving mankind in a Walking Dead scenario. 2: Cloverfield monster.

  42. JWoww
    Carlton Banks
    Commented on this photo:

    JWoww looks like Jersey’s answer to Tifa Lockhart.

  43. kendrachanae

    YAY!!!!!! JWoww havin a baby would be so awesome and very good, becuz unlike her friends who fuck each other, fight and fuck each other’s boyfriends and girlfriends at the clubs…she mite the only one to settle down * hint hint* for Snooki next.

  44. JWoww
    508-CLICK
    Commented on this photo:

    Well, likely, she’s not ready for kid, as she the cleanest shank in the world.

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