JWoww: Maxim Is My ‘Highest Accomplishment’

December 7th, 2011 // 53 Comments

After years of purchasing the cheapest plastic surgery money can reluctantly buy instead of vodka, JWoww has finally made the cover of Maxim after two prior shoots where she learned blowjays aren’t legally binding. On that note, JWoww’s finally reached the pinnacle of her existence and it’s all downhill from here which might come as a shock to anyone who correctly assumed this chick’s entire life was nothing but a drunken shitslide into becoming that waitress who’s worked at Hooter’s way too long but she aborted the manager’s kid, so he feels bad and won’t fire her:

You’ve been in Maxim three times now, but this is your first cover. How does it feel?
I cried when I found out. I was jumping up and down and totally bugging out. This is probably my highest accomplishment.

In the meantime, JWoww’s fans (You got me.) are complaining the shoot looks too “plastic” which is incredible because that’s like walking into a McDonald’s and complaining that they serve hamburgers. “This thing is serving its exact purpose!” That’s what those people just said.

Photos: Maxim

superficial

  1. AA

    Slimey.

  2. Motorboat Captain

    Aww…that’s sad.

    • Bea

      Such high aspirations.

      She’s my idol, I only wish that I could be on some magazine that no one buys, and it would be my greatest accomplishment in my entire life, too.

  3. BigDaddy

    Really how old is she? She looks to be around 50. Fake lips, fake hair,fake tits, and that’s just what I can see. Who works for Maxim that would put this on the cover. “Snooki”

  4. cc

    I hear she’s also launching a line of breath mints called ‘Cockbreath’

  5. Cock Dr

    “WOW” indeed.
    All the Photoshop in the men’s magazine world could not fix that face.
    Of course there will be a sizable percentage of magazine buyers who don’t even look at the face. For those people: behold your cover girl queen of the month.

    • JC

      That’s what astonishes me. With what I assume were 100s of shots taken and a Skynet-level of Photoshop power, they couldn’t come up with something better than this melty-derp face shot for the cover?

  6. Gilmore Girl

    She is not cover girl material. She’s not pretty, and considering all the plastic surgery her body isn’t that great.

  7. Panda

    Kill it with fire!

  8. mike

    If I still had a subsription to Maxim it would be cancelled after receiving that cover. Thats all Maxim has left to choose from?

    • cc

      Trolling the shallow end for sure…I could go to pretty much any nightclub in this city from Thursday through Saturday and do better. Come to think of it, I could probably do better on the subway in to work.

  9. She says that because by normal standards she’d be in a magazine where she’s spread-eagle on top of a low rider.

  10. EricLr

    This is the first time I’ve ever agreed with JWow on anything.

  11. JWoww Cleavage Floral Dress
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ho ho ho” has never been more appropriate.

  12. Michelle

    Woww! Time to put the botox needle down.

  13. Coyote

    So your telling me She blew every single guy at Maxim even the Janitor / Maintenance Men.

  14. JWoww Cleavage Floral Dress
    Sally_two_toes
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like a slutty version of the octo-mom

  15. OhHeckNo

    Lay off the injections or whatever the heck you’re doing because your face is looking distorted.

  16. boing

    where did she tuck the dick?

  17. Venom

    Her plastic surgeon should have his license revoked. He fucked up her face royally. The work he did on her was definitely not his greatest accomplishment.

  18. JWoww Cleavage Floral Dress
    Codot
    Commented on this photo:

    That older lady just looks relieved that the horrid smell isn’t coming from her.

  19. Mediocrity is this century’s excellence, it would seem.

    • “Even if she were mediocre, there are a lot of mediocre models and people and cover girls. They are entitled to a little representation, aren’t they, and a little chance? We can’t have all Swanepoels, Kerrs and Limas.” —Sen. Roman Hruska (R-Neb.)

  20. kpatra

    she was at the kmart down the street from me last weekend.

  21. r

    what has she done to her face…..

    why would she say that’s an accomplishment that’s really sad she aims so low.

  22. Congratulations. Your accomplishments will be will be enjoyed nationwide by Maxim’s target audience…13 year old boys who are not resourceful enough to get around the parental filters on the family PC.

  23. JWoww Cleavage Floral Dress
    Lboogie
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she standing in front of a trash bag!? Nice Step and Repeat JWoww

  24. slappy magoo

    The sad thing is, after this photo was published, the computer that airbrushed the shit out of her locked itself in a bathroom and shot itself. Damn shame. It was 2 days from retirement, too…

  25. texturefarts

    there has GOT to be a ton of hair in terrible places on this girl..recurring growth style. Call me old fashioned, cuz I just banged a butter churn, but shit…Hot has jumped the shark folks..dang I did it again. Sorry Butter Churn, no, You’re much hotter than Jwow…Fonzie? Aw hell no girl..

  26. I don’t even want to make fun of this girl. She obviously has mental/body issues, plus her face looks like she is Post-Meth. I wouldn’t feel right posting a Mean Comment.

    …now Lindsay Lohan & Kim Kar-PeeOnMyFace. IT’S OPEN SEASON.

  27. 49-Corey Rice II

    She is only 25 yo, and turning 26 in February 27th, this is so unfortunate that her face looks 50, which I don;t understand, it confuses very fan out there.

  28. kellyduval

    I love JWOW! She worked so hard on getting her body to look like that, so props to her! She is very beautiful and she deserves to be on the cover of Maxim! She should continue working hard.

  29. tlmck

    Hi! My name is JWoww and I’m in Maxim. Fly me.

  30. she needs a refund from her plastic surgeon, stat. she was aged at least 10 years by her facial work, then again, it is largely her fault for getting all of it done when she was so young and did not truly need it. another shameful casualty of reaching for optimum hollywood aesthetics (which are more garish than gorgeous nowadays unfortunately :/)

  31. Ron

    Way to aim for the bottom JWow

  32. Not impressed.

  33. Ok

    JWOWW graduated from college and created a successful graphic design company before she was famous through MTV and Jersey Shore. She isn’t stupid. Maybe getting her body the way she wants it and showing it off IS her highest accomplishment. Sometimes the things that are difficult to some come easy to others, and what is tough is considered a “high” success. Perhaps college and entrepreneurship came easy to her. Don’t judge…don’t hate. Just my .02.

  34. Ok

    JWOWW graduated from college and created a successful graphic design company before she was famous through MTV and Jersey Shore. She isn’t stupid. Maybe getting her body the way she wants it and showing it off IS her highest accomplishment. Sometimes the things that are difficult to some come easy to others, and what is tough is considered a “high” success. Perhaps college and entrepreneurship came easy to her. Don’t judge…don’t hate. Just my .02.

  35. Yetweoo

    Overrated butter-face

  36. JWoww Cleavage Floral Dress
    Brutha Jerome Watkins2 U
    Commented on this photo:

    who gives a damm about this slot?

  37. JWoww Cleavage Floral Dress
    Nina
    Commented on this photo:

    STOP HAVING WORK DONE. You’re 26, and you look 46.

  38. JWoww Cleavage Floral Dress
    vader
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like the joker

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