JWoww is a Spokesmodel Now

February 1st, 2011 // 53 Comments

Because apparently the job requires both a massive fake life and tits, here’s Jersey Shore’s JWoww shilling for Ab Cuts at a New Jersey GNC yesterday which suddenly reminds me of my childhood in eastern Pennsylvania and so I must speak to you in italics:

As many did at the time, my family and I would often take day trips to the Jersey shore for reasons of both geographical and economic convenience. But then one year those trips suddenly ceased as reports of medical waste washing ashore, particularly of the syringe variety, had stricken the news. For years I assumed my parents had cleverly resorted to cheap bastardry, manipulated no doubt again by the nefarious Dr. James Dobson and his need for “family focus.” But after gazing upon JWoww, I see I not only owe them an apology, but a sincere thanks for not allowing me to grow up like this young man above as I’d never venture outdoors lest a severe lack of jug wax necessitated it.

Writing this day of our Lord 1 February, Two Thousand and Eleven,

The Writer of Superficial

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. IttyBittyTittyCommittee

    hmmmmm

  2. JWoww
    Yeah.
    Commented on this photo:

    Tits!

  3. “Hey, stupid! We told you to hold it between your breasts, not off to the side! Aw, man… now nobody’s going to see the product!”

  4. Ksurfiws

    Nice Tits, Dude

  5. can i get herpes if i skull fuck her?

  6. ass shot, spokesretard–ass shot!

  7. I just don’t get chicks with fake tits. Why show of the unambiguous proof that you have a cheap boob job. wouldn’t it be better to at least let people wonder if they’re real or not?

  8. jojo

    Was Rumer Willis not available?

  9. JWoww
    yawn
    Commented on this photo:

    nothing wrong with this chick.. she hit the reality lottery and is capitalizing..

  10. JWoww
    Loopy
    Commented on this photo:

    Just. Please. Die.

  11. horn dog

    She’s yummy – I’d suck that pussy ’til her head caves in!

  12. Actually, she is modeling her new perfume here. It modeled after Lady Gaga’s perfume, minus the blood.

  13. JWoww
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t like the look of that mole.

  14. ZigZagZoey

    I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure breast implants don’t need a spokesmodel, they kinda speak for themselves…

  15. Deacon Jones

    Eastern PA, FISH, huh?

    Where at?

  16. s'up bitches

    Is that lube she’s modeling because if that’s the case she is the perfect choice as model.

  17. Wasn’t this bitch supposed to be taking it off for Playboy? What happened to that?

  18. Megliz

    Fish-

    Did we have the same childhood? Gee I guess I owe my mom an apology too.

  19. Wally Gatorade

    Say what you will about JWoww, but I’d pay a good $30 for the chance to shit on those tits.

  20. Mentaldwarf

    I’m English (yes, I know, your pity is welcomed).
    I’m lucky in that none of the dribbling Jersey Shore mongs live here so we’re not subjected to them as you are. However as a fan of The Sup, I know what they look like and it seems that mocking this particular girl when such a being as Snooki exists is a touch harsh.

    • Alex

      I live in New Jersey o_O

      Yes, people really are like this here.

      • Johnny Cage

        You must be in richer south Jersey then. The area of Jersey I live in, people look more like a ghetto version of one of the freaks from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

    • Johnny Cage

      And to answer the Lobster-Back, she’s a New Yorker like most of the kids from “Jersey” shore. New York and New Jersey are like the differences you have between Northern and Southern people in England.

  21. That raspy Snook-alike makes Lil’ Wayne sound like Robert Goulet.

  22. Aggie

    She’s so over botoxed these days. She’s given herself Jayde Nicole face. So gross.

  23. stevebeagle

    looks like a 45 year old Jew…not that there’s anything wrong with that,,just sayin.

  24. Cock Dr

    What on earth is that fish oil she’s pitching?
    OK, well hopefully it won’t kill anyone. Abs in a bottle. Right.

  25. babooda

    This is a perfect example of what happens to you when you spend too much time in close proximity to a Snooki-troll! You age overnight and your pectoral muscles swell to unrealistic proportions, splitting open your blouse and allowing your highly distorted breastworks to be seen by the viewing public.
    The utter shame of it, is just too much to bear! So you have to take a job hawking knob polish for bald heads and cleavage. Sad,truly, sad!

  26. jsepeta

    you mean she’s not holding a bottle of astroglide? because technically, that would be more appropriate.

  27. keijo

    I’d do her. She’s hot right? Well, hotish? whatever

  28. JWoww
    CM
    Commented on this photo:

    I haven’t seen Jersey Shore so I know very about her personality to affect my opinion of her, but this girl is cute and sexy, and clearly not from the same planet as her rodent sidekick.

  29. Rhialto

    And that’s how these girls milk it out. Being familiar with and knowing poses that’s pretty helpful as well.

  30. Nero

    It sounds weird but you gotta become familiar with the bottom up pose. After that, anything goes much more smooth and easy.

  31. bimbamboing

    I bet she doesn’t even know the product herself.

  32. Gando

    All these poses are good for to become a billboard yourself.

  33. captain america

    she just had to say two words which weren’t too difficult to name:
    ………….just “Yes” & “No”.

  34. Hey, she learned her poses from “Posing for Dummies”. She didn’t read it herself of course, she had Poet Lauriet Snooki read the poses out to her.

    Hey, JWOWW is fuckable. Double bagged and I’d have to be royally cluttered in my head with booze, but she’s doable. She’s hawking cheap perfume, good for her. Those modelling deals are going to dry right up next year when she turns the big Five O.

  35. [i]No one will ever read this… [/i]

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