JWoww is a Spokesmodel Now

The Superficial / February 1, 2011

Because apparently the job requires both a massive fake life and tits, here’s Jersey Shore’s JWoww shilling for Ab Cuts at a New Jersey GNC yesterday which suddenly reminds me of my childhood in eastern Pennsylvania and so I must speak to you in italics:

As many did at the time, my family and I would often take day trips to the Jersey shore for reasons of both geographical and economic convenience. But then one year those trips suddenly ceased as reports of medical waste washing ashore, particularly of the syringe variety, had stricken the news. For years I assumed my parents had cleverly resorted to cheap bastardry, manipulated no doubt again by the nefarious Dr. James Dobson and his need for “family focus.” But after gazing upon JWoww, I see I not only owe them an apology, but a sincere thanks for not allowing me to grow up like this young man above as I’d never venture outdoors lest a severe lack of jug wax necessitated it.

Writing this day of our Lord 1 February, Two Thousand and Eleven,

The Writer of Superficial

Photos: Splash News