JWoww’s New Face is Breathtaking

What you’re looking at is JWoww hosting at PURE Nightclub on Friday with her new face that she wants people to believe is simply the result of routine weight loss through diet and exercise and not plastic surgery which is an interesting thing for someone whose thighs I could live off of for the winter to say. I’m not saying she’s lying (I am. I specifically am.), but I’m also not saying that cutting out a few carbs will immediately cause your face to get sucked into your skull like a malnourished third world orphan. If the human body worked like that, my nose would be pointing out the back of my head every time I’m trapped on a flight that only serves chicken salad. Which, for the record, is how airlines get around having to serve a meal while technically still offering one. “Chicken salad, you say? Interesting. Here’s my proposition: How ’bout I sit here and lick the bottom of my shoe, and you alert the rest of the flight staff that I’m not a goddamn terrorist so they don’t freak out? Then we all win.”

Photo: Fame, INFdaily, RETNA, Splash News