Justin Timberlake can basically have sex with anyone he wants – I was about to say, “now that he’s single,” then caught myself – including Olivia Wilde and Mila Kunis, except Us Weekly would have you believe his penis fancies the soft, murderous touch of a Muppet on heroin because that happens:
Justin Timberlake and Ashley Olsen — both newly single, former child stars with their own fashion labels — have been inseparable (and flirty!) in and around NYC of late.
One insider close to the pair (spotted together at the Greenwich Hotel, a Saturday Night Live afterparty, two Broadway shows and a polo match outside the city) tells Us: “They are hooking up.”
Adds another source of the unexpected twosome, who both ended high-profile relationships in March (he with Jessica Biel after four years together, she with actor Justin Bartha after two years): “They’re really trying to keep it on the down-low.”
BUTLER: What are your day’s events, Master Timberlake?
JUSTIN: I’m bored banging the world. I want to try something new.
BUTLER: Perhaps suspiciously dying like that Heath Ledger lad?
JUSTIN: Nice! Fetch me an Olsen twin.
BUTLER: Right away, sir.
Okay, maybe I can see this happening. You win this round, Us Weekly. This round…
Photo: Getty, Splash News
Difference is I was sad to Ledger dead…
^to see
LOL
I disagree. He had to pay for Brokeback Mountain.
I gave him redemption points for being such an awesome Joker.
It is Gillenhaal that must still be punished…
so they get to swap fashion line tips?
ain’t buyin the pussy crawl bit timberlake, if you were a real man you’d have leaked naked pics of these chicks by now
That would be counter productive for future top class poon obtainment.
Most women (not the famewhores) appreciate men who can keep their mouths shut & the naked pics off the internet.
top class poon as in britney, fergie, milano, biel, and diaz? only if five twos count as a ten ;) “photos or it didn’t happen”
Those women were all working the self promotion angle.
I mean, have any of you really LOOKED at Justin Timberlake? He’s kinda fugly.
is he? idk, but the uglier a dude is the less i reckon he works on his looks, thus the more i trust him when the soap hits the floor. jt always struck me as a prettyboy just dying to break out in synchronized dance..
Wow, dude, what did that Turkish prison do to you?
THANK YOU COCK DR.!!!
Timberlake is pretty god damn fugly. On top of that, he has pretty effeminate gestures. I don’t understand why all these women go with him.
The one on the left makes me wonder if there is a well involved…
It rubs the lotion on its skin!
Actually I was thinking more along the lines of The Ring…
Yeah, I think everyone got that but him.
I feel my immortal soul being drained just staring into their murderous eyes in picture form. Banging one in person must be horrifying.
These 2 had such potential! Biggest boner deflation ever…
what is wrong with them? why do they dress like this? can they not hire a stylist?
and why are they always standing like siamese twins?
It’s what makes them famous and $$$$.
That’s why.
If they could take Rhianna or Lindsay Lohan with them in a threesome, that would be great.
I don’t understand the hatred towards these two. I think they are gorgeous. And they are super successful business woman…maybe that’s what makes all of your little penises hide? Intimidation?
me either unless you are from PETA. as these two love to wear furs. granted they are not te most beautiful of women. but by far are they ugly.
i dont find this post funny ,,what is wrong with them dating? Ashley Olsens is a successful women and no ta loser like the want who wrote the post .
On the other hand your language skills are hilarious…
iam from spain .. gillipolllas
Apparently you can’t spell in your native language either…Gilipollas
VOS TAMBIÉN SOIS UNA GILIPOLLAS
We don´t say vos in Spain, therefore you are not Spanish, sólo eres un Gilipollas
another hellhole in need of a bailout
The one on the right is Gwyneth Paltrow, so the one on the left is the murderess? I have trouble keeping them apart. Especially since they both dress like bag ladies and have the look of pure trauma in their eyes.
I love the irony in the fact that the Olsens are forever linked to a guy who is famous (in part) for posing the question, “Why so serious?”
Of course there’s no point in telling them to lighten up since their reaction would be to stop eating.
RAWR!
Awesome.
Does it make me a bad person that I neither know, nor care which one is which? They both look like freakin’ children of the corn.
I wasn’t aware there was supposed to be a way to tell them apart.
one of them doesn’t eat, and one kills people she mates with. I guess that helps a LITTLE.
With in 2 years these two will be peeing in jars Howard Hughes style
Such tiny little hands…WTF?
Now that they’re legal, they’re not hot anymore. Why don’t they give the public what it really wants – a sister-lesbian porn movie. I’d pay $5 for that!
they are GONE, folks?
Showing was what climbs of the railcar in Super 8 and no spoiler alert? Thanks!
Is there a way to ban the incoherent from commenting?
Showing us what climbs out of the railcar in Super 8 and no spoiler alert? Thanks!
(No edit function, what can I do?)
Ummm, give your post a once-over before clicking Submit?
The one wearing the trench coat, mumu and costume jewelry is a fashion icon to flashers and grandmas alike. The one with the piercing glance is a cold blooded killa, who wears red to cover up the spatter patterns.
Holy crap. One looks like she jus spotted a squirrel and the other looks like she is contemplating eating someones soul. Or maybe one survives on the souls of squirrels and the other on the flesh, which would be kind of a ying/yang thing in crazy town where these two freaks currently live.
Pulitzer prize for the sentence: “his penis fancies the soft, murderous touch of a Muppet on heroin”
Wow, I didn’t realize Justin Timberlake was so short and looked so much like Mary Kate Olsen….Oh wait, that is Mary Kate with Ashley. Come on, Fish, no pix, no proof and unless JT really does look that much like MK, you’ve got no proof for this silly ass story.
Holy crap, check out the man face on Mary-Kate… Must be sad to have to look at the “good” twin all the time and know that you were the failure.
They’re so petite… why do they insist on wearing huge baggy clothes all the time?
They’re both ugly and the fact that they wear fur and don’t give a shit makes them even uglier.
And to think that they’re considered icons in the fashion industry. The fashion industry is seriously fucked up.
Wait, are they already starting promos for that new “Planet of the Apes movie?”
These monkeys girls are so weird looking.
it looks like they both got identical nose jobs. wow. oh what money can do for you.
“HELLO, JUSTIN. COME AND PLAY WITH US FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.”
Bedding the Olsen twins? Geez, these sexual fantasies about vampires have gone too far!
Quickly, they’re multiplying! KILL THEM! KILL THEM WITH FIRE!!!
Barf.
I want them both so badly.