Justin Bieber’s Mom Thinks He’s Jesus. No, Really.

January 4th, 2011 // 97 Comments

I’m going to be honest here. As much as I joke about Justin Bieber, I really didn’t think he was much more than just some kid shoved into the pop star machine and might actually be alright if you got a chance to talk to him. Then I read his Vanity Fair interview and realized this kid is going to explode all over our faces which is literally the only way to transition to a quote about Michael Jackson. I Googled it:

- “Michael [Jackson] was able to reach audiences from young to old; he never limited himself. He was so broad, everybody loved him, and that’s what my goal is.”
- “Not trying to be arrogant, but if I walked down the street and a girl saw me, she might take a look back because maybe I’m good-looking, right?”
- “For younger guys, it’s like [they think] they’re not cool if they come to my concert. That’ll [change], I think; it’ll happen, maybe when I’m 18. But meanwhile all their girlfriends are coming to watch me.”

If that’s not bad enough, check out what his mom Pattie Lynn Mallette has to say about her little angel, sent from above to cleanse us of our sins:

Mallette also tells Robinson that, after a personal encounter with God, she believes that she and Justin have been put on earth to bring light and inspiration to the world. But Mallette is wary of show business and its potential consequences: “We don’t have yes-men around him. I don’t want him being a diva.”

We don’t want him “being a diva.” Right, because telling a kid he’s the fucking Messiah is way more grounded. Let’s not spoil him with free iPads, but make sure he knows the creator of the entire universe sent him here to bring joy to us little people and our small, insignificant lives. That should end well.

PATTIE: Why are you killing all these people in the basement?!
JUSTIN: Duh, mom, Revelations. Sheesh.

Photos: Splash News


  1. adolf hitler

    i swear this kid is hilary swank when she was in middle school.

  2. i’m really tired of this chick…

  3. Dude

    I don’t like to hate on lil kids. I just try to ignore this Bieber fever. But wow he really is a douche bag.

  4. Brian's mother

    He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!

  5. Amy

    Stop hating on him. He’s got more talented in his little finger than any of you losers has.

    Mastrubators don’t be haterz

  6. ghost

    I don’t think he’s the messiah. He’s a kid who will get too much too soon, his fans will outgrow him, and he’ll be on a reality rehab show in his late teens or early twenties. I don’t have anything against him personally, but this is a story we’ve all seen before.

  7. pop culture dummy

    You’d think the little messiah would know it’s title is simply “Revelation”.

  8. I wonder what that “personal encounter with god” thing was like. Were there orgasms involved?

  9. Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    They spelled “straight” wrong on his jacket.

  10. datroof

    He’s Jesus?

    Does that mean we get to nail his ass to a wooden pole?

    I’ll bring the spikes and mallet.

  11. Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    “Men of Mayhem” don’t wear earplugs.

  12. jc

    Of all the teen idols over the years, this is one I don’t get……….it’s not that he doesn’t have any talent, because he has a decent voice if you like that style of music, but he looks like a 15 -year old girl, and that’s not a cut, it’s just the way it is….I can’t imagine any girl over the age of 14 being interested in that image….have girls changed so much in the last few years that now they want a guy who looks like a girlfriend to them…someone to go shopping with and paint their nails together, etc..?? a good friend of mine’s 15 year old sister is more interested in 22 year old bikers, and although that may be concerning in some ways, it also seems more “natural”….

    • Dan

      I think some girls like Bieber because he seems “safe.”

    • im a belieber #1

      im a fifteen year old girl and i agree with you. and i know people at my age who adores him, however, ive seen more people who hates him.

      so no, i dont think my country, norway, is getting wild over him, only americans and canadians are….if they are. to be honest i find it immature of grown up people sitting here discussing bieber….it wont make him less famous you know. (im only here because of ugliest tattoos on failblog).

      btw, i neither like his music or the most of todays mainstream music. me listen to rock, punk, pop, folk, electronica and metal!

  13. Salad Face

    So when is “Boys Don’t Cry 2″ coming out- haha, coming out!

    I’ll pay money to see Brandon Teena teach Justine how to stuff her speedo for the summer before her flowers bloom.

  14. bah

    Haven’t read the whole profile, but I think that he doesn’t come off so much of a prick. The quotes are pretty honest, especially the last one, and what were we expecting? For this kid to roll his eyes and play with his toes and pretend he’s not obscenely aware that women want to fuck him? The whole light & inspiration whathaveyou is facepalm mecca, basically.

  15. Euroman

    I think he is really a girl..She has feminine features. She should tell the world that she is a really a girl and would like to be called Justinia.

  16. Juicyfruitandleather

    I bet he has a really nasty vagina.

  17. fatguyinalittleshirt

    seriously…. wtf.

  18. Inmate 12236969

    We all took a vote here in D Block and we’d rather fuck this little bitch than Lindsay Lohan.

  19. binks

    PATTIE: Why are you killing all these people in the basement?!
    JUSTIN: Duh, mom, Revelations. Sheesh.

    Funniest shit, lately.

  20. macrobiotics

    So if he Jesus Crist Do we get to see him being killed at 34?
    If that is so I will Happily Wait!!!!!

  21. uuummm

    she doesn’t say he is Jesus, she is saying they want to bring light around the world. meaning good. Yes, I am a rocket scientist.

  22. dR

    Gay and Gayer.

  23. I wonder what the public reaction would be if Vanity Fair published a cover photo of a 16 year old girl covered in man lip prints?

  24. Captain Kondom

    Just because you are light in the loafers it does not make you Jesus

  25. Nancy

    GO AWAY!

  26. Rick

    Meh…maybe JBeebs is the messiah. We need all the help we can get if we want to defeat the antichrist (PHiltz).

  27. Biebs

    This kid has the worst case of gayface I have ever seen. Maybe he is the gay messiah.

  28. Brooke

    He looks like a used Q-Tip. He can be the Q-Tip Messiah and deliver us from waxy buildup.

  29. The pic looks like he was dodging all the lady kisses and now he has spotted a nice fat cock.”There you are.”

  30. cc

    ‘might actually be alright if you actually got to talk to him’

    At risk of being mocked ruthlessly I think so too actually.

    Remembering being his age, it makes me sick to think of how easily he could get laid. I mean, can you imagine? He could have 3 threesome a day, maybe more if he could free up his schedule.

  31. Justin Bieber
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I wonder if his corporate masters have him chemically castrated to delay the puberty process.
    Hey, when your cash cow’s pure high voice starts a-crackling someone has to protect the shareholders.

  32. lesbian

    does anyone else see hillary swank circa boys don’t cry?

  33. Justin Bieber
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Interesting photo. Pixie-girl Justin looks bent over & uncomfortable.
    Is this another “personal experience with god” moment?

  34. Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    Proof that some gay men wear lipstick.

  35. Ed

    What’s more believable: 1) That god would choose to spread his message through a helmet haired teen pop singer, or 2) that god would choose to spread his message through a bunch of pedophiles and their enablers?

    I choose #3 there is no god.

  36. Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    This kid looks EXACTLY like Kim Darby in the original True Grit movie. That’s some messed up shit there. “Can the Bieber come out and play? No, the closet door is stuck”

  37. Rough of virtue

    This is so fascinating and I believe every word of what saint Pattie just revealed. But one question I need to ask, If Justin is our savior, and shes Marie Magdalene, who would be Usher? I don’t remember a black person being in the good book. Maybe Usher is like Morgan Freeman or something….????hmmm

  38. ee

    it is difficult how much I dislike this kid!
    So sick of him.
    I hope Kim fat ass squashes him.

  39. Reggie Rhino

    People seriously believe that Selena Gomez is in a relationship with this little “psychological holocaust waiting to happen”, pretty mommy’s boy, wunderkind?
    I seriously doubt it because his mommy is obviously the woman in his life and he really believes that having a bunch of 12 year old girls chasing him is the height of attractiveness! What pretentious bunch of asses this family is! I agree with “dudeatdudeotdude”, let’s hang him on a wooden cross and see if lightening strikes us all dead for our brazen affront to God! Or better still, wait till his voice changes when his nuts drop and watch how fast the world forgets the messiah, Beiber and his mommy. These idiots with small amounts of success over a short time span who suddenly believe that they are the Gift to mankind absolutely make me puke. First, Lady CaCa as God and now the Beibs as the Messiah,YIKES….(.running for porcelain throne to worship)

  40. Kristin

    Isnt that the girl from the tila tequila dating show… embarassing that I knew that. thank god i dont read perez hilton anymore

    • Reggie Rhino

      No, Selena Gomez is another of the Disney girls,who just turned 18 and are on their way out of the “Disney experience” because they are too old for Disney’s target audience of 12 year olds. She just hasn’t had as much exposure (pun intended) as Miley and Demi Lovato have!

  41. Reggie Rhino

    BTW..Are those his mommy’s kisses on his neck….”Kinky Family” rides again!

  42. Alex.r

    Damn bieber is an arrogant mother fucker who thinks he’s the shit. Only little girls like him.

  43. anon

    Hmm… John Lennon said that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ. He Died

    Bon Scott Mocked God. He Died


  44. seeklove


  45. brian

    am i the only one who thinks he looks like mr. slave from south park?

  46. dylan

    The power of christ compels you….. a.k.a hot girls

  47. scustinfemmeberlake

    the lipstick kisses compliment the shade he’s wearing

  48. Girr

    He still looks like a lesbian :l

  49. Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    touching his erogenous zones in public again, eh?

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