Justin Bieber Is Banging This Now

May 7th, 2014 // 56 Comments
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Here’s Justin Bieber‘s rumored new girlfriend, and 18-year-old high school student, Yovanna Ventura (Wow, that kid’s tinier than I thought.) who you can tell is someone very special to him because he let his friends look like they gang-banged her. Although, personally I would’ve liked to see a devout follower of Christ end up with Tati Neves because everyone knows Jesus’ wife was a prostitute, too. It’s right there in the parts of The Bible the Catholic Church won’t let you see. Except fortunately for you I have a passage right here:

“Who’s this?” Jesus responded. “Oh, that’s just my wife. She’s okay. Now where was I? Right, absolute evil.
“So you what want to do to is really make sure this all-powerful ‘church’ doesn’t form because if it does, holy shit, are those people going to fuck some kids. I’m talking right out of the gate, first thing they do, kid-fucking as far as the eye can see. It’s their whole purpose for being.
“And, trust me, I know for a fact. What good would a time-traveling cyborg be without laser eyes and grim predictions of the future? Amirite? I’m right.
“Now let’s fry up some fish then I want everybody to grab the condoms that shoot out of my jetpack. They let you have all the fun of sex, but without the mess of childbirth. Even better are these pills you can take, but I left them in 1878, so next time. Definitely next time. Hey, what’s that cross for?”
– Jesustron 18:7-11

Photos: Instagram

superficial

  1. Joe Blow

    Damn Fish, I was hoping for a BBare post, just so I could l get a laugh, but what’s this? No “sizzurp”? No “straight up hard maple cider”? The gangsta-speak is the funniest part, and we gets nothin’..

    Sigh… maybe tomorrow.

  2. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    qui
    Commented on this photo:

    FUUUUCKK YOU JUSTIN !!!

  3. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Snoop Aardvark
    Commented on this photo:

    Bitches love stoners.

  4. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    hahahahaha!!! that stoopid assed outfit… hahahahahaha

  5. It’s only a matter of time before Bieber Fever becomes an actual monitored venereal disease. I’d just hate to be the guy at the CDC headquarters in Reston who has to oversee it. I mean, you graduate at the top of your class in Harvard Medical School, get code red clearance, only to have your co-workers snicker every time you step on the elevator.
    “So Frank, you going to Level 5?”
    “Yep.”
    “What is it they work on on level 5 again?”
    “[sigh] b[mumble] f[mumble]”
    “[holding back a snicker] I’m sorry, what was that?”
    “beebr feevr”
    “Sorry, still can’t hear you, could you say that again?”
    “Bieber Fever. BIEBER FEVER! BIEBER FUCKING FEVER, OKAY! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, EVERY GODDAMN TIME I SEE YOU GUYS!”
    Long awkward silence.
    DING (ELEVATOR DOORS OPEN)
    “Level Five: Bieber Fever”
    Everyone except Frank crumples to the floor laughing.
    Frank gets off, mumbling to himself.
    “Fucking teeny bopper ass clown.”

  6. Meh, just another Miami hooker. There are literally a million chicks down there that look just like her. Sit long enough at the beach or hotel bar and they will come up to you.

  7. Hooking up with Beiber is just the boost she needs to go from this amateur shit to professional instagram selfie famewhoring.

    DIAGDF and bring the biebs with ya, skank.

  8. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Mitch
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF is he wearing? He ass must still be sore from his latest reaming by Usher and he needs room for the swelling.

  9. JC

    18, huh? I would have guessed a seventh grader would be more on his intellectual level.

    At least her name is ready-made for porn:
    Yovanna Venture into My Ass?
    Yovanna Venture into Scat Palace?
    Yovanna Venture into Midget Amputee Gangbangs?
    etc.

  10. Cock Dr

    I hope they give one another the worst case of crabs on the North American continent.

  11. alex

    I would spend a weekend in her backside.

  12. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    So who wears the pants in this relationship?…
    Question answered.

  13. Game of Lawn Chairs

    This is one weird-ass looking chick. Her ass is too big. Thighs too thick. But has no waist. If she were a sexy cartoon character she’d be perfect.

  14. Karen

    She’s got a nice bieber.

  15. EDWARD ELIZABETH HITLER

    And another patented “Bieber Hole” emerges. Someday they’re going to pull that kid from a Motel 6 with a hooker and an 8-ball…wait, that already happened didn’t it?

  16. She’ll regret it when she turns 19.

  17. Ralph

    Just another dumb c**t.

  18. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    That is not attractive . . .

  19. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh sweet, sweet teen ass. There’s nothing better in the world.

  20. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    claire
    Commented on this photo:

    that’s not photo-shopped at all!

  21. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Darkhorse
    Commented on this photo:

    Dude, this bitch has her own picture as her background — i’d stlll hit it though.

  22. Lou Braccant

    An instagram full of selfies does not a “model” make! I’m getting a little sick and tired of these little fake bitches.

  23. anonym

    looks a little better than selena.

  24. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    What the fuck is he wearing? He’s such a little asshole.

  25. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    I can’t respect any woman that gets with him

  26. anonymous

    Somewhere out there Orlando Bloom is getting ridden by Selena harder than any woman has ridden has ever ridden him. He probably doesn’t know why but I doubt that he cares.

  27. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    she is a pretty girl, far better looking than selena. I applaud her lesbian persuasion early in life, will save her time.

  28. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    weird looking ass on her body frame, fail. I can see she has some top contracts coming in from Ford.

  29. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    His ugly head is huge.

  30. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    “Look at me! I’m in the shitter! LOOK AT MEEEE!”

  31. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    Way to go, Women’s Lib movement.

  32. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    So, who wants to bet she’s blown both of those guys?

  33. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    And in every picture like this, there’s a black guy in the back, saying it all with his eyes….

  34. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    gumbypokey
    Commented on this photo:

    Mooching JB pseudo-posse member #1 and mooching JB pseudo-posse member number #2. Oh and some groupie whore.

  35. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    bieberhater
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is the little fuck head always raising his eyebrows?

    • It’s the classic douchebag eyebrow lift frequently performed by overpaid “celebrity” fucktards. Justin Bieber and Jaden Smith are the masters of this maneuver.

  36. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Odbarc
    Commented on this photo:

    I didn’t know Yovanna Ventura liked pegging.

  37. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    Beautiful chick + Colossal prick is one of the sad, sad axioms of the Universe.

  38. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    she probably drops those so often she had to put her name on them to find them easier.

  39. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    66-Jake Canada
    Commented on this photo:

    Really rare to see music artist celeb dating 18 yr old from high school as a student, don’t usually see that often.

  40. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    jaime
    Commented on this photo:

    Bubble butt. Here today, gone tomorrow.

  41. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s 18…..??

  42. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    selenator
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s trying to look like Selena…NOONE EVER WILL BEATS THE QUEEN

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