VMAS: Justin Bieber Brought A Snake Named Johnson. Really.

Because an earthquake on the east coast followed by a hurricane wasn’t a large enough sign of the apocalypse, Justin Bieber essentially proclaimed himself the anti-Maple Christ by arriving to the VMAs tonight wielding a goddamn serpent. On top of that, the snake’s name is Johnson because earlier today someone told Justin it means penis and he giggled until milk came out of his nose. It was cute until he looked around and went, “You know, sometimes I wish I could just shove my penis into whoever I wanted. But this snake’ll do.”

Photos: Getty