Don’t Be A Menace To South Toronto While Drinking Your Juicy Juice In The Hood

January 30th, 2014 // 38 Comments
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The Russell Crowe in Gladiator-type shit epic of Justin B-Bare‘s true Hollywood life just took it to whole nother level ’cause the blackest jigga to ever ice skate outta Canada is fuckin’ the poh-leece in not one, but TWO motherfuckin’ countries, y’all. I’m talkin’ USA, and that snowy bitch ridin’ our dick up north. TM Zizzy:

Justin Bieber was charged with assault in Toronto because he allegedly bashed a limo driver in the back of the head.
Toronto Police have released new details of the Dec. 30 incident … and say the limo driver had picked up 6 passengers around 2:50 AM — including Justin — when a fight broke out between the driver and “one of the passengers.”
Cops say the passenger — allegedly Justin — hit the limo driver in the back of the head “several times” during the fight, and when the driver stopped to call police … Justin fled the scene.

This here situation reminds me of a little sumpin sumpin from back in the day. Back ‘fore mothafuckas were as hard as B-Bare, true, but I ain’t about to fault a soulja for not havin’ da right general, ya feel me?

Y’all can’t tell me this joint wouldn’ta been tighter with some little white boy singing all pretty and shit, “Ooh, hee, I be your boyfriend, and your girl, boyfriend, girl…” Them 14-year-old panties be drop- oh, snap, Chris Hansen! How’d you get in my grandmama’s house?! AW, NIGGA, YOUR FISTS ARE STRONG! SAVE ME, B-BARE!

Photos: Instagram / Splash News

superficial

  1. JC

    As a citizen of the U.S., I offer this suggestion to my Canadian brethren: Gitmo. If you agree, detain him at the border. We’ll cover the rendition.

    • The Most Interesting

      Naw son! Gitmo might close some day.

      Safer just to drone his ass.

      • JC

        I think it’s safe to assume that, should Gitmo close, the remaining prisoners will not be released, but rather transferred to some hellish black sites somewhere else. Sites with no humanitarian oversight whatsoever. I’m O.K. with this happening to Bieber if you are.

      • May I suggest a more pragmatic approach where Bieber is not tortured so much as is the torture? Lives could be saved. That “Baby” song could have them renouncing Islam and reciting the Pledge of Allegiance within 8-12 hours.

      • nosiwoda

        Someone already thought of that:
        http://www.multiplexcomic.com/strip/529

      • MarketingMike

        Just drop the little weasel in a cell in REAL Prison for six months, and
        room him with a 6’8″ 400lb body building convicted rapist. Biebers
        lilly white skin, tight build, and practically hairless body will protect
        him from evil. “Help me Je…….. uhhhhhhhhh” As his roommate
        sings Baby Baby…..

  2. That Flavor Flav (or Flavour Flav, as he’s know here) sure has a big clock.

  3. Cock Dr

    Not shown: Bieber crying & puking seconds after that above photo was snapped.

  4. Bonky

    Look at him in the photo with the cigar. He’s trying so hard to
    be a thug and it’s just adorable.

    • D-chi

      Repugnant. I think the word you were looking for was repugnant.

      • Bonky

        No, its adorable, like when a puppy tries to be all bad ass in front
        of a bigger dog and everyone just laughs and pets the little puppy
        on the head.

  5. It’s so cute: he thinks he’s the first one ever to pull this shit. Those of us a little older know how it ends.

  6. Selena Gomez Cleavage Soda Cigarettes
    Commented on this photo:

    Almost…almost…if you look hard enough

  7. Urbanspaceman

    My American friends. I hope you took the opportunity when Mr Bieber was in Toronto to arrange for denying him re-entry into the US. OK no I don’t. You offered him candy, you’re stuck with him.

    • MarketingMike

      Here’s the truth. He needs to worry about Canada revoking his Visa,
      and don’t think they wouldn’t do it, especially with all the shit he’s
      causing worldwide. That Mayer in Australia was PISSED after he
      vandalized his wall, Bieber blew him off. How about that crap in
      Germany and in England, and being Ricky Racer here in the USA.

      We may be afraid to step on BB’s dick, but the guys in Canada
      will only go so far before they pull the plug on this little turd.
      No Visa, no travel, career over (like it isn’t already)

      I’m just waiting for his record company to pull the plug.
      You know, the part where they tell him he’s “actually” worth
      $2 million, and cut him a final check. That day is coming.

  8. THE BIEB-POCALYPSE IS COMING!

    REPENT!

  9. Jennyfurr

    Clearly made up, that midget couldn’t reach anyone’s head to hit the back of it.

  10. drunk at noon

    Uh, look at a map, Fish. Who’s riding whose dick? That’s right, Canada’s cock (Toronto), is right up in the USA’s vagina (Detroit).

  11. gary coleman's ghost

    Aww, look, it’s “2Punk Jerk-off.”
    The hardest motherfucker to stomp the streets of an American city since Woody Allen terrorized the Upper West side of Manhattan during his ride or die days of the mid-70s.

  12. Selena Gomez Cleavage Soda Cigarettes
    Commented on this photo:

    What is it, Photo Boy? What are you trying to tell us? Clove cigarettes, Boy? Is that it?

  13. When I was 18 or 19, or whatever Hockey Skywalker is, I was stupid. I mean world class, Olympic contender in stupid. But I wasn’t dumb enough, even then, to be a lilly white teen sensation from Canada that sings bitch shit to tweens and pretends to the world that I’m Tupac.

    The word douchebag doesn’t do this kid justice.

  14. Beiber really wants to believe that “Malibu’s Most Wanted” was a documentary.

  15. MarketingMike

    Pretty cocky, for someone who’s “JOURNALS” album sales were
    so bad , his record company refused to print a physical CD,
    or “pay to play” any of his singles on the radio. Don’t beliebe?
    Just look it up online.

    Plus…
    They refused to release “JOURNALS” to Amazon and Walmart,
    for fear of the actual sales numbers going public. It’s not pretty.
    Wait till they try to fill an arena, and sell 200 tickets…

    • He’s on his way out. The moronic “Bieliebers”, idiots that they might be are starting to grow up, have kids or go off to college, get married etc and soon they will have no time for him. They will however be raising another generation of moron girls that will be fawning over the next moron like him of his generation 15-20 years from now.

    • Mike Walker

      “The way the album was released is likely to be the cause of its low-charting position. It was an iTunes-only release, and 10§ of the tracks had already been available to fans via the singer’s ‘Music Mondays’ weekly single release series. This allowed fans to buy individual tracks early before using the ‘Complete My Album’ feature to pay a reduced price for the full album. ”

      http://www.nme.com/news/justin-bieber/74759

      • MarketingMike

        I agree. But, he had more “album” sales in the first 4 days
        of his previous release, than he has since he started the
        “Music Mondays” promotion in November, 2013. I’m
        including all single sales + albums sales from Journals.

        Not releasing to Walmart, Amazon and others only masks
        the issue. Saying the sales are down because he didn’t
        release to them, doesn’t change the fact that he’s working
        off his reserve, aka the record company is losing money.

        His record company (all past/current record companies) have
        a hard line (artist expense vs long term sales projections).
        When you dip below that line they pull the trigger. They’ve
        been doing it since the 70′s (when I was a road musician)
        and it hasn’t changed. When they pull the trigger he won’t
        see it coming (nobody does) and it’s always the same.

        They call you in the office for (insert reason here).
        They have accountants and attorneys, and a ledger.
        They deduct all expenses to date, write you a check.
        It’s a pretty life changing experience, and I don’t see
        a lot of “saving for a rainy day” in this kids mind set.
        Hell, he dropped $200k last week playing around.
        He deserves what he gets, and it won’t be pretty.

  16. Just throw the little fuck in jail and let a proper criminal rape the douche right out of him.

  17. cc

    At this point all I can I have left to say is ‘what an asshole’.

  18. I fucking LOVE you for this, Fish. That”s all.
    *proceeds to dry-hump the shit out of laptop screen*

  19. Retired Exec

    The thing about “the Bieb” is he doesn’t see it coming.
    He thinks everything is fine, and his handlers probably
    tell him everything is fine, every single chance they get.

    The truth is, his sales are shit the 4th quarter last year
    and 1st quarter this year. He’s spending money like
    a drunk sailor without a worry in the world. Not so…
    Even at the end of 2012 he was tailing off.

    The biggest thing an artist ever deals with is this…
    They are told they have X amount of money, constantly,
    by the record company handers, followers, and managers.
    But, every single penny they spend is tracked, tallied, and
    the RC charges serious interest on everything. Every $1k
    bottle of champagne at every club, every meal, every
    jet ride, every hotel, and it adds up very quickly. Plus,
    he’s bringing a group of 10-12 (Entourage +Bguards)
    Remember: He never pays out of pocket for anything.

    They usually don’t “tally up” until an Artist is dropped.
    $130 Million can easily end up being $30 Million,
    as the record company gets paid first. Every time.
    $30 Million wont last a year, at his current pace.

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