Justin Bieber Told a Lie

After all this talk of Chris Brown having a violent outburst and Paris Hilton being as racist as you’d imagine a white, vapid rich blonde would be, it’s time to take a minute and focus on something really important: Namely Justin Bieber saying he met Robert Pattinson when he like so totally didn’t. E! News reports:

First things first, here’s what Bieber supposedly said.
“One day Robert Pattinson came up to me at a party and said, ‘For whatever reason, people love our hair and it’s always a great ice-breaker with girls,’ ” Justin is quoted in The People. “He is like, ‘Hey my name’s Robert. Want to touch my hair?’ I thought he was joking, but it really works.”
But according to R.Pattz, he has never even met Justin! And he was totally weirded out when he heard J.B. claim he got flirting tips from the Twilight star himself.
When asked about the comments, Rob countered on Friday:
“I’ve never met this guy. I saw that as well. I was like, ‘You’re really famous, man—what are you doing? You don’t need to use me to make up stories!'”

This story later ends with the two of them becoming best friends before softly tonguing each other’s sparkly buttholes in a field until a werewolf shows up at school and won’t let them try out for football. Only after one of them dry-humps the new autistic girl in town does he relent and they all get married in a castle which is odd considering a Mormon came up with the whole idea. Granted, that’ve might been an entire synopsis of The Twilight Saga, there’s no way anything that stupid became a national phenomenon, so let’s assume it was real. Next, you’ll probably tell me people sit around watching teenagers get pregnant whenever a miniature Chilean water buffalo pretending it’s an Italian beauty queen isn’t on.

Photos: Getty, Splash News