JUSTIN BIEBER IS CHEATING ON SELENA GOMEZ WITH TAYLOR SWIFT!! OMGZ!!!!
There are two simple rules to the gossip racket:
1. If a woman retains more than .5 oz of water, she’s pregnant.
2. If two famous people stand next to each other, they fucked.
So with that in mind and armed with the information that reports of his $10.8 million bang-mansion were premature, here’s a pic of Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift that he posted to Twitter because it’s time Selena Gomez learns this maple-bird’s got maple-wings and needs to maple-fly. However, if Justin Bieber truly is the syrup discharge of God, this is simply an innocent photo before he doused Taylor Swift in the face with Aunt Jemima and proclaimed she’ll no longer be the openly available condiment that men freely dip their sausage into. For as it is written.