March 9th, 2012 // 56 Comments
F-ck You, Jake Gyllenhaal
Taylor Swift
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There are two simple rules to the gossip racket:

1. If a woman retains more than .5 oz of water, she’s pregnant.
2. If two famous people stand next to each other, they fucked.

So with that in mind and armed with the information that reports of his $10.8 million bang-mansion were premature, here’s a pic of Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift that he posted to Twitter because it’s time Selena Gomez learns this maple-bird’s got maple-wings and needs to maple-fly. However, if Justin Bieber truly is the syrup discharge of God, this is simply an innocent photo before he doused Taylor Swift in the face with Aunt Jemima and proclaimed she’ll no longer be the openly available condiment that men freely dip their sausage into. For as it is written.

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News


  1. Floyd

    Selena Gomez wants to win the Oscar and nothing will stop her.

  2. Dude of Dudes

    His shirt says “Mr. Right”. Funny mine says “Punch anyone wearing a Mr. Right shirt repeatedly in the face”.

  3. Taylor Swift Speak Now Tour
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    I make that same expression when I drop a deuce. Small world.

  4. Taylor Swift Speak Now Tour
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus christ you can totally picture her as an old woman in this pic. Garggg.

  5. Smapdi

    At least he won’t poop on her like John Mayer did . . . or will he?

  6. LJ

    What we have here is the “It’s time for us to get beyond dry humping, or I’ll just start hanging out with girls who let guys take it out of their pants” message to Selena Gomez.

  7. I’m looking forward to her Bieber breakup album, which she’ll call “Maple Leaves’.

  8. oldfool

    He’s soooo pretty, I WOULD bend him over.

  9. karlito

    this stick figure would be a bore in bed. she strikes me as someone who would lay there stiff as a corpse and think of song lyrics while you’re trying to pry open her dried out vag with a crowbar since your flacid dick won’t work. her constant “golly gee gosh” look is getting real tiresome as well.

    • EricLr

      Better she just lay there that actually say something. Any sentence out of that ditz’s mouth is bound to be the ultimate boner killer.

    • Dan

      Maybe if you weren’t a rapist Carlos, you might have better luck with women.

    • @karlito: LOL!! That’s the funniest thing I’ve read in a while. Thank you!

    • Burt

      I saw an interview she did on 60 Minutes in which she was put on the spot and asked point blank if that “golly gee gosh” look she does (and it’s always the same damned look) was just bull. LOL.

    • Kallum

      I bet she’s a superfreak. The quiet ones always are. It’s just she probably won’t open wide until you put a ring on it.

  10. modemscrotum

    posting in all caps means your talking super srs

  11. Bieber

    My shirt actually says “Mr Right please bang me” it just got cut off in this pic.

    • jelna4ever


    • jelna4ever

      OMG! JUSTIN IF THAT IS REALY YOU THAT SAID THAT THEN OMG I WANNA SCREAM! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!! AND SELENA TO OF COURSE! wow your amazing! if you read this omg that would make me so happy!

  12. Realistic Dude

    First he didn’t bang her, he’s gay. Second, she and Selena are both pretty average but hyped up by the media to convince people they’re hot.

  13. Fridays require copy editors

    “If two famous people stand within next to each other”

  14. Cock Dr

    That little lipstick lesbian is curious about whether Ms Swift is really blonde all over.
    And that just CAN’T be a yard long tattoo running down the length of Ms Swift’s arm in photo #3, can it? Maybe maple grrl did a littl doodling on her arm backstage.
    It’s all so adorably fake it makes my teeth hurt.

  15. Mothra

    Taylor: That’s the biggest schlong I ever saw.
    Justin: I know, I think I’m in love.

  16. El Jefe

    Until she writes a song about him I don’t believe it.

  17. steve canyon

    life will never be the same.
    in other words: LEAVE THE COUNTRY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, folks!!

  18. I think the “OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE MY LIFE!” face has been played out.

  19. Taylor Swift Speak Now Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    pee chill

  20. Taylor Swift Speak Now Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    How long before some idiot makes a black microphone joke? I can smell it cooking out there.

  21. Taylor Swifts Tampon String

    If anyone here had a working television they would know that this is from the new season of Punk’d….The Biebs does not have the ability to tongue her asshole like I do…give me her for one night and she will be happy…a steady diet of Taco Bell and a glass table in which I will lay under as the food exits her log launcher…ah yes.

  22. koushoku


  23. So the bottom half of his shirt says “in the ass”?

  24. Clarissa

    People need to do their research before they say anything. This picture is from a prank Justin did on Taylor on Punk’d. Justin is not cheating on Selena.

  25. Trish

    Really people he is not cheating on selena are you really stupid enough to believe that?

  26. Nina

    If anyone is in their right mind would also know that Selena Gomez and Taylor Swift are best friends. f**ktards.

  27. Taylor Swift Speak Now Tour
    Commented on this photo:


  28. Taylor Swift Speak Now Tour
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m so glad me and Justin Huber broke up so now I can date Taylor lautner Yahoo.

  29. Justin Bieber Taylor Swift Twitter
    Commented on this photo:

    you are a wrong person justin bierber how would cheated on her w/ taylor smith

  30. no

    The picture is from where he Punked Taylor Swift….

  31. demi and chloe and cle'

    why did you brake up with selena gomez??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

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