Justin Bieber Takes Selena Gomez on Dates With Chris Brown

“Babe, she looked at his cellphone. Is this going to be a thing? Are you gonna make this a thing? You’re making this a thing.”

Like most of us at 17, Justin Bieber is still learning the ropes of having a girlfriend and figuring out things to do to kill time between dry-humpings. Except while some of us made mistakes like forcing our girlfriends to watch us play Goldeneye for three hours, Justin decided taking Selena Gomez to the movies with Chris Brown and Demi Lovato would be a great idea. Hollywood Life reports:

“Barely anybody bothered them. One girl approached Selena and said she was a ‘Wizards of Waverly Place’ fan. Selena smiled and took a picture with her,” explains another onlooker. “It didn’t look like any of them even had bodyguards.”
“Everyone in the theater couldn’t believe they were all here together. It was so surreal, and a little random. They were all jumping up and down around each other like kids. Selena and Demi were especially affectionate with each other. They all looked really to be hanging out together. If you didn’t recognize them you’d think they were a bunch of regular high schoolers,” explains our fourth eyewitness.

I like how Hollywood Life basically implied Demi and Selena were making out, yet conveniently forgot to mention what Chris and Justin were doing. Because, what, an interracial gay couple is something to be ashamed of? That’s racism (ignoring the Latino lesbian stuff). Racism! *calls up Cannes* Forget Lars von Trier. I’ve found your real Hitler…

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News