Garth, Justin Bieber Is A Punishment For Drunk Driving In Some States

*squeals, faints* – Usher

There was a ton of controversy over this year’s Super Bowl ads, with reactions ranging all the way from “Boo, I saw a brown person succeeding!” all the way to “When will these bitches quit whining?!” It was a delightful peek under middle America’s pointed sheets, but there was one ad that even PC pussy libtards like myself wished was taken back behind the barn and whooped. And that would be Justin Beiber and Ron Gronkowski’s ad for T-Mobile, the 18th best cell phone company in America. It was so bad that the Wyoming, MN Police Department tweeted this warning to people about not drinking and driving.

The tweet went viral and people all over the world responded.

“I don’t think we envisioned this much success with it,” Wyoming Police Officer Tony Zerwas told Minneapolis station KMSP TV. “Just that one single tweet had 1.1 million views.” Wyoming Police Chief Paul Hoppe added: “We’ve seen responses from Europe, Australia, all across the US. and Canada.”

What this means is that we may have just stumbled on the key to healing this fractured country, so I’m proposing a deal. The cops get unconditional custody of Bieber, and whenever they feel like they might shoot an unarmed black man, they can make him ride in back the of the squad car knowing full well that their not-shot-to-shit perp will experience a fate worse than death. (“Yo! Why’s this kid talking like me? WHY’S HE TALKING LIKE ME?!”) In return, Donald Trump has to make a sex tape with Kim Kardashian in the Rose Garden on live TV. He’ll hate it because giant asses trigger memories of his own, and she’ll won’t look up from her salad, but it will have the same effect on the general public as making a kid smoke a whole pack of cigarettes.

“Oh, you’re curious what would happen if we elect a dangerous, lunatic celebrity president? Well, now you’re going to watch what it looks like when reality TV goes butt deep into politics. Don’t look away! You wanted this! If your friends jumped off a bridge with Jill Stein, would you jump, too?!”

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Photo: Getty