Justin Bieber’s Getting Shot Into Space

June 6th, 2013 // 33 Comments
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If there was ever any doubt about Sir Richard Branson‘s genius, he just booked Justin Bieber and his manager Scooter Braun on the first flight of Virgin Galactic which could launch as early as this year, so God willing, they’re cutting a shitload of corners to hit that deadline. E! News reports:

Virgin Galactic is fast turning commercial space flight into a reality. Its latest test of SpaceShipTwo, which launched from California’s Mojave Desert in April, saw the spacecraft break the speed of sound in its first powered flight.
And if all goes well, the company’s first true suborbital flight could take place by year’s end and find Bieber and Braun flying 62 miles above the earth.
They’re not the only celebs with astronaut dreams. Leonardo DiCaprio is also booked aboard one of Branson’s space planes, as, reportedly, are actors Tom Hanks, Victoria Principal, Ashton Kutcher and world-renowned scientist Stephen Hawking.

I think I speak for all of us when I say I’m okay with this flight going down. Yes, Stephen Hawking will be a great loss, but the man’s had a good run. In fact, he’s already on board with this:

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News

superficial

  1. I don’t suppose there’s any chance of this rocket veering off into the sun for good measure, is there?

  2. MoozBoy

    What the hell is Tom Hanks going back into space for? Didn’t he spend enough time weightless in Apollo 13??

  3. I wonder if DiCaprio or Hawking had their flight booked already, then rage-changed their booking because they found out Justin Bieber and his toolbag manager were going to be on it too

  4. BlinkyTheFish

    I really wish ‘cutting corners’ just meant loading them into a giant Acme style slingshot pointed at the moon. Obviously set up on the edge of the Grand Canyon.

  5. Fingers crossed. The only person it would be a shame to lose is Hawking, but we can build a statue in his honor for his sacrifice.

  6. Hugh Jass

    The only problem is that the Virgin Galactic spaceship is designed to return to Earth.

  7. Is this the one-way trip to Mars? Please god, say it is!! And if so, can the Kardashians be on the same flight?

    • The Kardashians were originally scheduled for the first one-way Mars mission but the engineers at NASA quickly figured out the fuel/weight/cost ratio was too much.

      The science just ain’t there yet.

  8. Cock Dr

    I hope he and Kutcher puke all over one another.
    Sir Branson should do everything that he can to keep Dr Hawking away from such assholes.

  9. ruckus

    I hope Hawking pukes on him and its all drooly.

  10. Branson you devious bastard. The billions he’s sunk into this money pit suddenly makes sense…it’s all his master plan to rid us of Justin Bieber and Ashton Kutcher in one fireball explosion, with just enough collateral damage to maintain plausible deniability.

  11. “Sweet! Keyshawn Johnson sent me a plane ticket to apologize for chasing me!”

  12. Kokocrisp

    This will be the first time I hope a mission fails.

  13. 2013: A Space Tragedy

    close the pod bay doors, please HAL.

  14. Justin Bieber Throwing Water Bottle
    JW
    Commented on this photo:

    Isn’t that the owl from the Tootsie Pop commercial?

  15. Damnit, Fish…you had me going there for a minute. All I read was Justin Bieber’s Getting Shot and I actually started singing and dancing. I guess I’ll have to start reading more carefully in the future.

  16. drinks frequently alone

    Maybe Kanye and Chris Brown could join in . Then there could be constant cornholing en route to orbit . The could take turns being pitcher and catcher. Weightless jizz would be dancing around the capsule , in a slow – motion ballet . Arthur C. Clarke would be proud , since he was inclined for man – man love as well.

  17. Justin Bieber Throwing Water Bottle
    Tom
    Commented on this photo:

    What is up with these douchey pants he wears? He always looks like he’s walking around wearing a loaded diaper.

  18. Justin Bieber Throwing Water Bottle
    Commented on this photo:

    “Justin Bieber’s Getting Shot Into Space”

    Oh great! Maybe they can leave him there…

  19. Jenn

    Beibs in space. They could just jettison the little shit once they get up there.

  20. good keep him out there,

  21. Andrew

    This is a truly epic, once in a lifetime event. The first douchebag in space. Mark the date people.

  22. Darijjah

    jedi govna

  23. All those poor monkeys floating around in orbit for eternity, yet we bother to allow this douche to survive re-entry.

    At what cost, Science? At…What…Cost?

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