There’s A Justin Bieber Sex Doll. Game Over.

November 5th, 2012 // 29 Comments

Because Dottie Sandusky needed something to bake into a cake this holiday season and/or re-electing a secret Muslim president that shoots hurricanes out of his eyes isn’t enough for God to bathe us all in a lake of fire, the fine folks over at Pipedream have released a Justin Bieber sex doll. Surprisingly, I don’t see “Designed by Usher” anywhere on the box which is exactly why the Chinese are beating us. There was a time when this country stood by its products, dammit. Now it’s all “Made in Taiwan” or “We forgot to shave this one before smuggling her over from Romania.” No one takes pride in their work anymore.

superficial

  1. Bieber wishes he looked that masculine.

  2. Justin Bieber Sex Doll
    right
    Commented on this photo:

    “Selena can suck the gold off my Grammy”
    What more can be said?

  3. Justin Bieber Sex Doll
    Commented on this photo:

    What they aren’t advertising is the fact that the doll has a fleshlight for an asshole.

  4. USDA Prime McBeef

    three hole option or GTFO.

  5. Justin Bieber Sex Doll
    Swearin
    Commented on this photo:

    If only Michael Jackson would’ve lived to see this, he could’ve died a happy theoretical-approximation of a man.

  6. Deacon Jones

    All the gay men in the US just got a spontaneous erection.

    fyi – this whole lack of electricity / internet fucking blows.

    • Sorry about that, Deac. Do you have some nice candles and yummy preservative-filled snack food at least? :(

    • suck it

      No power sucks, but at least we got The Superficial, right? Thank goodness for smart phones.

    • Indifferent Bastard

      Who’s the target market here? Teenagers?
      - Daddy, I need a 100 bucks.
      - Why?
      - Ahmm… It’s for an authentic Justin Bieber educational toy.
      - Really?! Here is 200 bucks. Get one for your sister too.

  7. “Built to The Precise Specifications Provided by R&B Superstar Usher! Order NOW!”

  8. As long as it doesn’t make shitty music, I don’t care.

  9. Dick Hell

    Deftly perverted write up. I particularly liked the part about how America used to stand up for it’s products. Well done, Mr. Fish!

  10. Indifferent Bastard

    You know the first one will be bought by Selena. She hates being a liar about having sex with him.

  11. grobpilot

    “Life-like pussy included”

  12. Uncle Joe

    I’m going to hate fuck the shit out of this

  13. The Pexican

    I assume it’s anatomically correct and includes a mouth hole, asshole and pussy hole?

  14. Natty Ice

    Does it cry after sex like the real Justin probably does?

  15. sheila

    he may be 18, but still – this is soooooo pedo. he looks so much younger.

  16. ChaCha

    He’s been 18 for months; I’m rather surprised they’re just coming out with this now.

  17. Thanks, Fish. I can never un-know this.

  18. Matt Lauer

    The deluxe version includes an inflatable Selena fucking Justin with a strap-on. So lifelike you’ll think you’re actually backstage.

  19. KC

    The creepiest part of this is the fake picture of Justin with the nipple length mullet.

  20. The Royal Penis

    I suppose a Justin Bieber fashioned look a like maple syrup dispenser a la Mrs. Butterworth wasn’t marketable enough.

    Oh well, I’ll never understand the sheeple.

  21. I’ve been waiting for a KD Lang sex doll for SOOO long but I really thought it would be more masculine.

  22. Burt

    The doll has a vagina.

  23. shitforbrains

    soooooo……

    what sex is the doll?

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