Justin Bieber Responds To Seth Rogen

May 9th, 2014 // 36 Comments
Seth Rogen Is One Of Us
Justin Bieber Seth Rogen
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“Dudda dudda dudda Ol’ Dirty Bastard.”
*gets neck snapped by black bodyguard*

Seth Rogen spent the better part of the week (understandably) shitting on Justin Bieber who apparently acted exactly like Justin Bieber while meeting him backstage at two different events. And because anyone over the age of 14 also wants to see this kid get cancer in the face and die, Seth Rogen’s rants went viral to the point that Justin Bieber had no choice but to respond to them. Which he did while also trying to make Seth Rogen look like the egomaniacal shithead and spelling his name wrong:

Seth Rogan sorry I didnt bow down when I asked 2 meet u was probably a bit shy and didn’t want to be over the top but still. love ur movies.

Privately, however, Justin Bieber sent the following correspondence to Seth Rogen which The Superficial has obtained exclusively thanks to our unfettered access to NSA data because we agreed to support the “official” Sandy Hook story. *high fives Obama over a pentagram fountain of blood* So here’s that:

FROM THE DESK OF #BBARE (WHERE I FUCKED YOUR MOM):

Webster’s Dictionary defines racism as the belief that some races of people are better than others.

That’s what you did to me, Seth Rogen. You racismed me.

I know this isn’t easy to hear in your Hollywood circle of sycophants and yes men who’ll never tell you when you’re spiraling out of control, but this poor black kid from the cold, hard streets of Stratford, Ontario wants you to know what you did to him.

There I was in Germany. My black skin in a country that already proved its penchant for racial superiority already made me nervous and on edge. I could’ve easily slipped back to my trailer and sipped a cold delicious 40 ounce beverage off a model’s backside, the aroma of Swisher Sweets filling the air. But I didn’t, Seth Rogen. I didn’t because I wanted to meet the nigga who wrote Pineapple Express. I don’t know if you know this because your sensitivity to race relations seems to be lacking, but black people like myself love getting high. We can’t get enough of it. So to see a comedy that so humorously, and tenderly, touched a subject near and dear to my Afro-heritage was more than enough to overcome my anxiety and meet such a prolific writer such as yourself.

But then you Hollywooded me, Seth Rogen. You were indifferent to our meeting, and to this day the sting of that leaves me lying awake at night holding two gats across my chest. But you know what? I gave you a second chance. And that second chance was at the MTV Video Music Awards where, me, just a kid with a snake to make him forget the oppression of The Man wanted to give his fellow Canadian another chance because surely you knew what it was like to escape that godforsaken country where bullets fly on every corner. People wonder why we have free healthcare. There’s your answer.

But you Hollywooded me again, Seth Rogen. Would it have been so hard to look past your racial prejudices and the perceived superiority of your white skin to say to another human being, “Hey, that’s a dope snake. May I touch it?” As cold and unyielding was the master’s whip to my people’s back, so were your actions.

In the immortal words of Lawrence Fishburne, “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.”

Yes, you deserve to die. And I hope you burn in hell.

Justin “Bizzle” Bieber,
Human Being / Hip-Hop Recording Artist / Pussy Magnate

Photos: Instagram

superficial

  1. On the list of reasons I dislike Justin Bieber, using 2, u, and ur instead of to, you and your ranks ahead of the bad tattoos, addiction to cough syrup and egging his neighbors house.

  2. That write up was hilarious as always. What the fuck is wrong with Bieber? I’ve never seen somebody in need of a real ass-kicking like this kid.

  3. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    Beautiful chick + Colossal prick is one of the sad, sad axioms of the Universe.

  4. Who knew #BBARE Bizzle was so eloquent? Fo’shizz.

  5. Cock Dr

    Mostly I come here for the comments but sometimes…sometimes that blogger writes the funniest goddamned stuff.
    And that wasn’t a “dope snake”. It was a small scared snake. I felt bad for it, being made to cling all night to such a douchebag.

  6. Okay, that letter was too well-written for something supposedly coming from Bieber/#BBare. Love “Pussy Magnate,” though.

  7. Walter Peck

    “In the immortal words of Lawrence Fishburne”

    The best part of that letter.

  8. Why doe sit always look like he is searching for cock. Tongue out pants around his ankles.

  9. Sadly, you just know BBare didn’t write any of that simply by noticing the lack of grammatical errors.

  10. “holding two gats across my chest”. lol

    I’d love to see Bieber and Rogen star as Lenny and Squiggy in the Laverne and Shirley reboot.

  11. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    she probably drops those so often she had to put her name on them to find them easier.

    • The Most Interesting

      I like that they’re printed in that direction for when I can’t see her face.

      But then, I’m a little chubby.

  12. You know anything that starts with “Webster’s Dictionary defines” is about to be a high-quality train wreck.

  13. Brilliant. You should write his whole diary and publish it. You got one customer here.

  14. Linda

    Bieber’s quote made me cringe. I do believe he did feel shy when he met Rogan–what’s sad is that his go-to response when feeling this way is to be a gigantic dickhead. And I gotta assume he feels “shy” and out of his element 100% of the time, seeing how poorly prepared he is for life after being “raised” by his idiot parents.
    The private correspondence was fucking brilliant though. You “hollywooded me” is now my favorite phrase.

  15. SETH ROGEN NEEDS TO GET HIS PRESS IN A LESS HATEFUL WAY ,.HATING ON JB IS CHILDISH JUST B/C HE MISUNDERSTOOD THAT JUSTIN WAS SHY ,YOU CAN SEE IT IN HIS FACE, AND THE HATERS NEED TO GET A LIFE .AND DO SOMETHING POSITIVE LIKE JB TRIES TO DO. ,AND LINDA YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT JEREMY N PATTIE.JUST PAP LIES.

  16. ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

    Smart move, putting your shitty Bieber-speak below the fold. I can’t stand that garbage. It’s at the point now that if I see it in a post, I stop visiting the site for a while.

    When will someone with “access” (allowed past his security) beat the shit out of this cumstained asshole?

  17. *golf clap and slowly stand up* Clearly that vacation paid off! Well done, sir. Well done.

  18. I can’t see him not spelling “sycophant” with an “f.”

    • Bob

      Although he surrounds himself with sycophants, I strongly doubt he knows the word or understands the concept.

  19. I am just waiting for the day one of his security guards gets tired of his shit and just smashes him in the face with his fist repeatedly, preferably in the airport in front of everyone.

  20. “Damn, my tongue ith thore. And I only tothed 12 thaladth and blew thix thwingin’ dickth.”

  21. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    66-Jake Canada
    Commented on this photo:

    Really rare to see music artist celeb dating 18 yr old from high school as a student, don’t usually see that often.

  22. Jaime

    Anyone thinks Bieber really wrote that, contact me. I need to borrow a few thousand until next week.

  23. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    jaime
    Commented on this photo:

    Bubble butt. Here today, gone tomorrow.

  24. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s 18…..??

  25. Yovanna Ventura Bikini Lingerie Justin Bieber
    selenator
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s trying to look like Selena…NOONE EVER WILL BEATS THE QUEEN

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