Justin & Selena Are Getting Married!

August 8th, 2011 // 126 Comments

As the world slowly dissolved around them, Justin whispered into her ear two simple words, “I’m ovulating.”

So, I know I might have said something about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez getting married, but I was just trying to milk Internet traffic, all the Internet traffic capture how The Teen Choice Awards demographic (Read: Girls ages 10-11.) would react to these photos of him mauling her in every single photo before moving onto Taylor Swift and Tyra Banks because he’s trying to spawn a multi-cultural Maple-baby army to teach the world that real love is holding hands and ice cream, not that icky stuff he did with Selena in Hawaii. All weekend. Because she’s stronger than him.

Photo: Getty

superficial

  1. baron of all media

    What a GLOOOORIOUS DAY!!!

  2. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    j
    Commented on this photo:

    Awkward.

  3. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    Jax
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s so strange because their heads are so large and bodies are so small…

  4. Satan

    Didn’t know lesbians could marry in that state.

  5. hoyage

    What state do the allow lesbians to get married in?

  6. jesus kid act like you been there before, not like someone trying to stress how not gay they are..

  7. Dat cat

    lolwat

  8. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    miguelito
    Commented on this photo:

    Selena is so lipstick.

    • gumption

      yes, thank you. those are 2 girls, one lipstick and the other slightly butch.
      SLIGHTLY. Maybe like a young Sam Ronson. But 2 girls.
      Geez., glad someone is seeing it!

  9. jlover

    that beber chick and her girlfriend are hot! dad-a-chum did-a-chick Right?

  10. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s eye-level with the only interesting thing about Tyra Banks, and the only thing he can look at is the camera.

  11. His power lies in that enormous digital watch…that and the Canadian claw grip he’s throwing on her. Go grizz,

  12. Angus

    I think it’s weird that Kate Upton and Selena Gomez are only about a month apart in age but looks like a real women and Selena looks like a 10 year old playing dress up in grown up clothes.

    Selena’s Bieber just looks like a lesbian.

    • Jillia

      Which tells me that Kate will not age well. It’s unfortunate to peak at such a young age. Whereas Selena will probably look fantastic well into her 30′s and beyond.

      • Anonymous

        I bet Selena won’t age well at all. She already looks like she’s bitten into the anorexia fad Hollywood loves to pressure on young starlets.

        Kate is exactly what a 19 year old should look like. Natural and healthy.

    • Facebook Me

      I look att he first picture of these two and they look like they raided the dress-up closet at the local toy store.

    • jes

      U R SO WRONG SELENA GOMEZ DOES NOT AND IS NOT A LESBIAN!

  13. General Disarray

    “I’m ovulating.”
    That made my just a little bit better. Thanks Fish!

  14. I wonder if she does anal. On him, I mean. Or as I like to call it, “Usher’s Sloppy Seconds”

  15. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    somethingoriginal
    Commented on this photo:

    I told you, I’m not a lesbian! If you keep this up I’m not letting you borrow any more of my jewellery

  16. Livin La Vida Loca, just like Ricky Martin did…
    Just stay close to that cooch, Justin. No one will think you’re gay!

  17. TomFrank

    An undone clip-on bow tie? I think McFeely’s going to have an aneurysm.

  18. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    TomFrank
    Commented on this photo:

    Going by the caption, that must be Justin in his natural state.

  19. the one

    please let us pray these kids aren’t the future of america.

  20. Venom

    This is so wrong.
    I can’t believe someone as hot as her would let a creature like him touch her.

    Uggh.

  21. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    H
    Commented on this photo:

    They look like a pair of lesbians.

  22. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy shit, when did Maple Christ start looking so much more masculine???

  23. Jamie

    So when did Selena start dating contestants from America’s Got Talent? Cuz I’m pretty sure that’s Dani Shay. Tell me I’m wrong…

    http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-joyFrEZwWqA/TiZLEBdLkFI/AAAAAAAAiAY/cb_wNyDYcj4/s640/Dani+Shay+vs.+Performs+%2527Babylon%2527+vs.+Top+48+America%2527s+Got+Talent+2011+Q2+1.jpg

  24. LJ

    Well find out in about eight months that Selena has been doing some outlaw biker guy since she turned 18, and the Biebs will come out as gay.

  25. villenuv27

    “You remember what Janice did to Ralphie in Sopranos? Ummm, can we try that?”

  26. Chaynne

    Why is her head so much bigger than her body? Oh yeah, cause it’s full of hot air.ft

  27. gyromancer

    WTF is going on with her look? If bra straps showing is supposed to be your fashion statement, sewing the dress to your bra and then having a halter drape around your neck is about as great as a guy wearing both a belt and suspenders. She looks like a little girl who can’t quite figure out grown-up underwear.

  28. Roughed in translation

    -If I didn’t look at the other pics, i would’ve thought Helen had filled her studio with chicks and Selena was being interviewed.

    -This kid is doomed when Selena discover older guys. But, Im pretty sure her Taliban-like entourage is making sure that does not happen.

  29. MarkM

    They look like two midgets (Or two whatever it is PC to call midgets).

  30. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Young lipstick lesbians are so cute.

  31. Come_Honor_Face

    Good Lord…..Justin’s Head to body ratio is like 20:1……wtf am i the only one seeing this??

  32. Carl Spackler

    I would like to ravage her with great enthusiam

  33. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    TomBrady
    Commented on this photo:

    Psssst… Do you know how to work a clip-on bowtie?

  34. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    Roughed in translation
    Commented on this photo:

    Let her breathe you little piss pants.

  35. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    A
    Commented on this photo:

    They look so akward together, and she looks like she’s repulsed by him kissing her in every photo.

  36. OnTheRealThough

    It’s apparent that Justin is one horny son of a bitch…goddamn. This dude is always groping the girl in public like a perv.

  37. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    My Left Nut
    Commented on this photo:

    Pretty as a picture.

  38. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    My Left Nut
    Commented on this photo:

    Come on up to my place and I’ll make you America’s next top model.

  39. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    LoneStar
    Commented on this photo:

    Ugh. Why is the Teen Choice Awards even news? Kids don’t know shit about shit. Fast Five was the best action movie? Ellen Degeneres is the best comedian?

    I hope that when I have kids they scoff at and beat up the type of kids who voted for this shit.

  40. vandal

    Seriously, in that first picture it does look like a lesbian is kissing her!

  41. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    AlexT
    Commented on this photo:

    Hover-hand spotted

  42. Karl Walden

    She looks ripe for a donation of my genetic blueprint syrup

  43. Jill_Ess

    What the hell kind of lens is this? They look like bobble head dolls.

  44. Ahhh the tween pop it couple. Ten bucks says she fucks one of her backup dancers and they break up, prompting him to pen a bunch of bitter songs about her that go platinum and launch his movie care– oh god, deja vu, I’ve said too much.

  45. Also, why do their heads look gigantic?

  46. epik

    they look like a happy lesbian couple already

  47. AC

    damn didn’t know selena gomez was a lesbian!!! thats hot!

  48. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Teen Choice Awards TCA
    eatme
    Commented on this photo:

    …ah, such cure little lesbians

  49. Beatriz

    She’s getting tired of him … I hope the WORLD gets tired of him soon too …

  50. Nik

    well at least selena at prime biological age to have children, raising them might be a different story

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