If Selena Gomez Wasn’t Pregnant, She Is Now

“Go ‘way, yucky bird!” *explodes it with His maple powers*

Let’s cut to the chase: If you’re a young girl wondering how you’ll know when it’s the right time to finally go “all the way” with your boyfriend, it’s this. Definitely this. In fact, in an ideal world, you’d be arrested if you didn’t. Via TMZ:

[Justin’s] corralled the entire Staples Center in L.A. for a screening of the movie “Titanic” … just for the two of them.
Sources connected to the Biebs tell us .. Justin hatched the idea after seeing the movie “Mr. Deeds” — where Adam Sandler surprises Winona Ryder with a date at Madison Square Garden.
Here’s how it went down tonight … Justin took Selena to the Demi Lovato concert at neighboring Nokia Theater. He then said, “Come with me” — and took her underground to Staples Center to watch the biggest shipwreck of all time.

Justin Bieber rented out the entire Staples Center just to watch Titanic with Selena Gomez. Jesus Christ. I almost want to say that’s not fair, but I think it makes the fact that us poor, non-maple deities get laid the old-fashioned way all the more impressive. And by old-fashioned way, I of course mean using lies, alcohol and/or years of pretending a relationship is eventually going to result in marriage which I probably shouldn’t have said out loud. GET OUTTA THE HOUSE! SHE KNOWS.

Photo: Fame