If Selena Gomez Wasn’t Pregnant, She Is Now

September 26th, 2011 // 52 Comments

“Go ‘way, yucky bird!” *explodes it with His maple powers*

Let’s cut to the chase: If you’re a young girl wondering how you’ll know when it’s the right time to finally go “all the way” with your boyfriend, it’s this. Definitely this. In fact, in an ideal world, you’d be arrested if you didn’t. Via TMZ:

[Justin's] corralled the entire Staples Center in L.A. for a screening of the movie “Titanic” … just for the two of them.
Sources connected to the Biebs tell us .. Justin hatched the idea after seeing the movie “Mr. Deeds” — where Adam Sandler surprises Winona Ryder with a date at Madison Square Garden.
Here’s how it went down tonight … Justin took Selena to the Demi Lovato concert at neighboring Nokia Theater. He then said, “Come with me” — and took her underground to Staples Center to watch the biggest shipwreck of all time.

Justin Bieber rented out the entire Staples Center just to watch Titanic with Selena Gomez. Jesus Christ. I almost want to say that’s not fair, but I think it makes the fact that us poor, non-maple deities get laid the old-fashioned way all the more impressive. And by old-fashioned way, I of course mean using lies, alcohol and/or years of pretending a relationship is eventually going to result in marriage which I probably shouldn’t have said out loud. GET OUTTA THE HOUSE! SHE KNOWS.

Photo: Fame


  1. SarahK

    You pervs have problems.

  2. Ay Dios mio

    Thought the tag-line was for Selena .. Oh wait.. I see what you didn’t do there *winks*

  3. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Young lipstick lesbians are so cute, especially when they don’t have a mess of tats & piercings.

    • Kelsey

      He is not a girl…therefore they r not lesbians and this picture is adorable…and if knew the whole story behind this day….he is the sweetest most thoughtful boyfriend ever and selena gomez is very lucky

  4. If she is pregnant it will be by immaculate conception.

  5. Mark

    I would fuck the Bieber right out of her.

  6. De Gaulle

    I’d watch

  7. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Ego, the living planet
    Commented on this photo:

    “Who’ya textin’?”

  8. hmna

    It’s nice to know that pop stars with limited shelf lives are frugal with their money.

  9. ZigZagZoey

    Give me your fucking hand, we are supposed to hold hands in every picture, just like Tom and Katie. There are rules to bearding, you know.

  10. Richard McBeef

    If Biebs is gonna start knocking chicks up, he will have to learn there is a different way than the way Usher showed him.

  11. DogBoy

    He shouldn’t get to do Selena… 1) because of that douchey hat; 2) his fucked-up Canadian Frankenstein-shaped head inside the hat.

    • It’s not just 1 douchey hat. Every friggen cap he wears looks douchey on him. He needs to a) curve the brim a bit and b) get one that fits. Again, he ain’t black and no matter how hard he tries he ain’t gonna be black. That shit looks stupid on white dudes.

  12. keep pretending

    lmao as if anyone wants to marry your ass

    • kimmykimkim

      Are you talking to Fish?? I’d marry him provided he never talks to me about feelings, got me a chef, gave me whatever I wanted and fucked me on command…oh and no peeing on the seat either. God gave u aim, use it!

  13. Rocky

    Damnit when the hell did Dora the Explorer get that hot?

  14. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    wow…deleting comments now? I could have sworn I left a comment right here but now its missing. I guess that was my mistake.

    • I am not going to retype it so I will give the highlights….

      Disney, cock-gobbler, Tom Cruise, butt-pirate, PR stunt, stock options, reaming of Selena Gomez.



  16. Lydia

    these two are a bisexual pedophile’s dream, they can get off to every photo of them legally while still thinking they’re 13

  17. direchef

    Call the dude what you will, but he’s got some play.

  18. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    Does that ball sucking twit even understand the definition of ghetto?

  19. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    Who knew that spending a day on the beach staging a photo-op could be so tiresome. Only now does she understand the work involved in being a beard.

    Selena Gomez : “I should have asked for more money”

  20. Truth, just-ice and the rough way

    The thing that causes a little discomfort is this kid’s handlers has a sharp perception on how to keep the money flowing for him for such a long time, so he probably will never falls in an income $ 1300 per month for income plus child support. No such thing as “poetic justice”.

  21. Dan

    I don’t think Beibs will be famous forever.

    I wonder if a girl like Selena would even think getting the theater is actually that cool? She has to be somewhat warped from her early fame.

  22. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    So, she’s an adult and he’s a minor. Aren’t there laws against this kind of thing. She should be fornicating with 57 year old guys like me.

  23. Oprahwindfury

    i bet she loves anal

  24. Z

    This site wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for TMZ…

  25. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    My God, he has no ass.

  26. BigDaddy

    How can one woman get another woman pregnant?

    • GeorgeWBush

      They make a call to David Crosby and say they were referred by Melissa Etheridge and her partner, filmmaker Julie Cypher.

      On a side note, nice to see two girls having a sleep over with activities like doing their hair and nails and watching tragic romantic movies where they get to chat about what they would each do to please Leo.

    • Lolperson

      Interesting theory

  27. Gary B

    First of all the STAPLES center gave him the entire theater for FREE, because He filled the place to capacity 3 times already.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      “First of all” only works when there’s more to say, Gaaaary.

      Is she Canadian also? Because I don’t know anyone else who wants to hear Celine Dion’s voice full volume at the Staples Center.

  28. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    why isn’t picture 10 the one featured on this post? it’s perfect

  29. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    Both are good looking and I am big fun both of you .
    HCG Slender

  30. Justin Bieber Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    she is a**hole….

  31. Crack Baby

    Wow, justin is such a douche. The hat, the pants, and an ear ring? you got it all.

  32. Brianna Bieber



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