Justin #Bbare: World’s Most Elephant Shakesbeard

March 3rd, 2014 // 22 Comments
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‘Fore we even get started up here, let the platinum records show that my boy B-Bare is the stone cold, numba one pussy slayer. Bitches be gettin’ wet just thinkin’ ’bout him, and he be wettin’ them bitches just thinkin’ ’bout them. It’s a wizardry y’all don’t know nothin’ bout which is why it’s a mothafuckin’ HONOR that he wants to give Selena Gomez another chance to get her titties slathered with his maple sizzurp. My boy, the smoothest Don Jon Delillio, has busted out some beautiful words of such romance, mothafuckas on the street will speak of dem fo’eva in hush puppy tones. “Lil Romeo and Julielakeeshaette,” will be the whispers ricochetin’ out da ghetto where B-Bare rains supreme as its darkest king. Break it off, Syrupnose De Burger-rack:

Most elegant princess in the world.

Oh. OH SNAP. Now you know Selena Gomez just stopped dat ass in her tracks. She be puttin’ her hand up on the wall, all out of breath and shit, saying things like, “Girl, ya gotta get in here and mop up my pussy. My pussy’s a mothafuckin’ tidal wave. Little kids be drownin’ if we don’t be doing something ’bout my pussy quick.” My boy called her a princess. PRINCE. ESS. How you gonna not let him ride up your magic carpet? Up where day walk. Up where day run. Up where day play all day in the sun! Wanderin’ free, B-Bare just wishes he could be… all up in dat swiirrrrll. #MICDROP

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, WENN

superficial

  1. poop

    who let this little girl play with her mom’s makeup?

  2. Selena Gomez Cleavage Vanity Fair Oscar Party
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn. She’s back to looking 12 again. Not good.

  3. CrashHell

    Fish, I’ll give you a dollar if you stop writing Beiber’s posts like this. I mean, he deserves the mockery, but no one wants to hear “B-Bare” speak in their heads.

    • Inner Retard

      +1. Not a dollar. Just support. Unless it’s tax deductible.

    • Seriously, HOW MUCH money do we need to raise to prevent more #BBare speak, Fish?

    • fuglio

      I disagree. No one is holding a gun to your head, so if you see it’s a #bbare post, don’t read it. I laughed my ass off at this one, this is the best yet! If anything, stop with the bertney stories.

  4. Selena Gomez Cleavage Bill Murray Photobomb Vanity Fair Oscar Party
    Inner Retard
    Commented on this photo:

    He just Jack Nicholsoned Selena Gomez.

  5. “Syrupnose De Burger-rack”

    Awesomeness.

  6. Selena Gomez Cleavage Vanity Fair Oscar Party
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m pretty sure she has an extra chromosome

  7. cmonreally

    “Up where day walk. Up where day run. Up where day play all day in the sun! Wanderin’ free, B-Bare just wishes he could be… all up in dat swiirrrrll. #MICDROP”

    Oh man. Lost it there.

  8. Her having to go to rehab to get over him is the worst possible thing for his ego. I hope this ends in a restraining order and he ruins his life over it. That’d be neat.

  9. Selena Gomez Cleavage Vanity Fair Oscar Party
    Jorge Wallace
    Commented on this photo:

    Freddy Rumson just pissed himself again

  10. “My boy, the smoothest Don Jon Delillio, has busted out some beautiful words of such romance, mothafuckas on the street will speak of dem fo’eva in hush puppy tones.”

    ^ THAT is pussy-wetting poetry DAMN.

  11. KillerBear8

    I read every B-Bear post with baited breath… lol keep these coming — they are comic gold. You should publish these in their own separate section to let the public behold their glory uninterrupted by all the lesser nonsense

  12. Selena Gomez Cleavage Vanity Fair Oscar Party
    richie
    Commented on this photo:

    what’s with the stalkin’ Murray bros?

  13. Duke Steele

    I’ve said it before. This girl looks like a 12 year old. And she has a big head and a little face. Very funny looking. And please stop referring to her ass. She doesn’t have one. No 12 year old does.

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