Maple Christ’s Son Will Not Go Hungry,
He Checked

In the midst of all the bikinis, drunk drivers, merkins and areolae yesterday, I completely missed Justin Bieber staring directly into Selena Gomez’s cleavage at the Much Music Awards Sunday night and making a face that clearly says, “Golly wilikers, those sure got big!” So, go ahead and add this to the list of signs and wonders that this baby’s due in December where he will usher forth a new era of miracles and fulfilled prophecies until it is revealed on the Last Day that he is the “Man of Sin” sent to deceive us all, for as it is written.

Photo: Getty, Splash News, WENN