Justin Bieber Can Physically Dominate A Grown Man Is What You’re Supposed To Believe Now

May 29th, 2012 // 103 Comments
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Before I even get into the latest bullshit report about Justin Bieber “assaulting” the paparazzo above, here’s a pretty relevant excerpt from his recent GQ interview where he agreed to box Drew Magary only to back out at the last minute because the Maple Lord has the attention span of a coked-up hummingbird and was going through a two-second boxing phase:

There is no way around it: Justin Bieber is a very small human being. He’s 18, but he could easily pass for someone six years younger. His rep says he’s five feet nine, but he looks about four feet four, maybe one hundred pounds. I shake his hand, and it feels like there should be more hand there. I suddenly realize that I can’t box this guy. I’m ten inches taller and a hundred pounds heavier. I ought to sit with him and read him Babar. But soon it doesn’t matter, because Bieber says he forgot his boxing equipment.
“I didn’t want to get my ass kicked,” he says.
“But I was told your dad was an MMA fighter,” I say.
“Yeah, he was.”
“So you could beat my ass.”
“No, not really.”

Now keeping that in mind, the paparazzo above is literally trying to claim that on Sunday the willow in the wisp described back there assaulted him to the point that he required immediate medical attention and a full police investigation. TMZ reports:

Justin was in Calabasas, where he lives, just after noon Sunday at a mall called The Commons. A paparazzo attempted to take Justin’s picture and, according to law enforcement, some sort of physical altercation erupted between Justin and the camera guy.
The photog called 911, and when cops arrived Justin and GF Selena Gomez had already split.
The photog complained of pain to his upper torso, an ambulance was summoned and he was taken to a local hospital where he was examined and released a short time later.

Except it turns out the dude blocked Justin Bieber’s car and wouldn’t move, resulting in a “scuffle” which I’ll assume was a limp wrist to the face followed by a lawyer materializing out of the bushes with dollar signs in his eyes:

We’re told several witnesses at the scene say after the altercation, a lawyer walked up to the photog and said he could get a lot of money out of the incident and advised the dude to call for an ambulance and file a police report.
Witnesses also say the photog had been blocking Justin’s car as the singer was trying to leave.

Look, nine times out of 10 I will back the paparazzi when celebrities flip out on them because getting your picture taken is the price you pay for fame and fortune. The paparazzi don’t follow dentists. That said, how much of a little bitch do you have to be to look in the eyes of what seems to be an entire police department and EMTs who could be off dealing with real victims and say, “Oh, my estomago, the tiny dancing girl-boy assaulted me!” Because, seriously, this kid’s going to peel you off ten, maybe, MAYBE, thirty grand but now the entire world knows you’re a wiener who couldn’t take the equivalent of a feather-duster to the cheek. Have fun letting that slowly eat you alive on the inside.

Adding… Yes, I know Justin Bieber spent the other weekend “training” with Mike Tyson, so here’s literally all 40 seconds of that before he went off to tickle-fight Iron Mike’s kids because clearly the champ missed this post.

Photos: Raef-Ramirez/AKM-GSI

superficial

  1. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    Is Verne Troyer is chauffeur?

  2. Anyone else think that’s the van German pedobear would drive?

  3. Cock Dr

    It’s funny when chicks get into bitchfights.

  4. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    The world’s newest superhero…The Maple Douche

  5. Dude of Dudes

    Those socks. Literally WTF. Also did he think this dude was George W. Bush and threw a shoe at him?

  6. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Dude of Dudes
    Commented on this photo:

    Step Up 3: The Assclown Streets

  7. tits mcgee

    Oh sweet Jesus and Buddha holding hands, watch that video, y’all. Justin boxes like a spastic monkey.

    On a related note, anyone who hasn’t seen this, set your phasers to lol: http://vimeo.com/42209600

  8. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Flame on
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks like an old Looney Toon.

  9. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    Pesky breezes. . .

  10. Kate

    Oh admit it already. You chubby chasers have Bieber Fever and you know it.

  11. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    2Cents
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t understand what’s going on.

    My prediction is that him and Selena are going to be done very soon.

  12. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    2Cents
    Commented on this photo:

    Selena seems so calm talking to the paparazzi and Justin looks so pissed off, frustrated.
    I wonder wtf happened lol

  13. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    2Cents
    Commented on this photo:

    so he got punched in the face?

  14. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    2Cents
    Commented on this photo:

    I thought Justin loved latinos.

    • Puuky

      This moron blocked Beiber’s van and wouldn’t let them leave. I’d be pissed too. As to Beiber hurting this idiot, I don’t think so. It was staged by the Pap, and dude will never get hired again locally, although he might mik Beiber out of a payoff. What an ass, leave the kid alone, he was just taking his girl to the mall.

  15. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    suck it
    Commented on this photo:

    LOL

  16. El Jefe

    Yeah right, total setup to make this little bitch look tough. My little 10 year old cousin could beat this little bitch boy up with one hand tied behind her back.

  17. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Bonky
    Commented on this photo:

    Does he have a booster seat in that van ?

  18. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Ralph Tresvant a.k.a. Mr.Sensitivity
    Commented on this photo:

    This F*CKIN” douche should be ashamed of himself.

  19. Edwin

    If there was an “altercation” then why are all the pics showing a little girl trying to run around a minivan?

  20. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Edwin
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF is he doing?

  21. Alex

    I believe it if full grown man = cock and balls.

  22. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    socko
    Commented on this photo:

    Pants.

    • lolwut

      Seriously. What is the explanation for that pants/socks craziness he’s wearing? Is that a trend I missed or just something those whacky Canadians do when they go to the movies? And what’s up with the big pockets that fold out to reveal fake low-denominational bills? Is this a ghetto thing or what? I MUST KNOW!!!1!!!

  23. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Superdouche
    Commented on this photo:

    Wire for backup–we’re gonna need more men on this one.

  24. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    mbcl
    Commented on this photo:

    “You got beaten up by Justin Bieber ? Bwahahahahah”

  25. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    “And…and then he run around van and shoe fall off….and he yell something at me…hurt my feeling so bad. How much this going to cost to fix me?”

  26. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Commented on this photo:

    They should charge this fucker for the 7 firetrucks and 6 police cars and 20 emergency personnel that showed up.

  27. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    mbcl
    Commented on this photo:

    “He was wearing these purple shoes and the socks were striped.”

  28. The phrase is “will o’ the wisp,” not “willow in the wisp,” and if you look the phrase up, you’ll find that it’s probably not what you were going for there. May I suggest “pussy willow” instead? I think that accomplishes all that you want, and perhaps a bit more.

  29. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    He looks like the Roadrunner’s gay cousin.

  30. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Bruno Costa
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hobbits are terrible… I can only imagine the pain he inflicted to the poor paparazzo! Bad hobbit!”

  31. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Stupid
    Commented on this photo:

    The little gay boy is wearing girls socks.

  32. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Bruno
    Commented on this photo:

    Selena Gomez is 5’5″. They have, unarguably, the same height, so, how in the hell his manager could hope someone believes that this guy is 5’9″?
    With 5’9″ you could easily have 200 pounds and be capable of hurting someone. With 5’5″ you could at maximum became a “Joe Pesci’s kind of menace. And even fat he couldn’t reach 200 pounds.
    And by the pictures we can easily see that Beaver don’t have more than 135 pounds.
    The paparazzo should be arrested for lie to the authorities. Beaver cannot hurt a grown up man, even a small one like this clown.

    • Burt

      200 pounds of lard is no better than 100 pounds of skin and bones.

      I doubt he’s 135 pounds, by the way. No muscle tone whatsoever. At most, he’s 125-130.

      • He is like 115lbs, seriously. He is, unfortunately, from my hometown. He was a little douche in grade 9, dressed pretty much the same but a lot more gayer now. His ma was a huge coke head, probably still is.

    • Mike

      How could this guy stay a douche? You’d think at 5’5 someone would have beaten the douche out of him by now. I blame the liberal school system.

  33. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    popwilleatitself
    Commented on this photo:

    Does he beat him with his purple shoe?

  34. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    JANE
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this real life? Seriously? Hahahaha

  35. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    cool socks man

  36. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    JANE
    Commented on this photo:

    Where is the video for this?

  37. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    maeby
    Commented on this photo:

    Well hell there Officer Handsome. My oh my ;D

  38. JustWondering

    The pitiful bitch fight aside….WTF is he wearing?

  39. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    lost in his thoughs
    Commented on this photo:

    Getting ready for some rubber glove action

  40. Justin Bieber. Biggest. Pussy. Ever.

  41. Smapdi

    What is the law there in California about purposefully blocking in someone’s vehicle? And what is the law about faking injuries to extort funds? I’m only surprised the guy didn’t rub onions in his eyes to fake up some tears so he can tack on an ‘emotional distress’ to his inevitable lawsuit.

  42. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Urvag
    Commented on this photo:

    This is a fuc*ing waste of my time. Somebody get me a donut!

  43. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Urvag
    Commented on this photo:

    Um how many cops, firefighters, and EMTs does it take to help a man who just got beaten with a purple shoe???

  44. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Urvag
    Commented on this photo:

    Royal jewels??? Not sure what is worse. The fact that he is wearing that shirt or that he just got beatin up by beiber’s purple shoe.

  45. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    King Diamond
    Commented on this photo:

    Denis Leary has really let himself go.

  46. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    Me
    Commented on this photo:

    What the hell is he wearing? LOL..on the shoe comment thought the same thing. Money doesn’t buy class for sure!

  47. Archie Leach

    Unfortunately we don’t have Michael Jackson around to make a man out of this Justin Beaver person.

  48. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    ET Phone Home
    Commented on this photo:

    haha I like how everyone is just walking around giggling. Pappo is a bitchhh

  49. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    You should see the other guy?

  50. Justin Bieber Fight Paparazzi Selena Gomez
    catapostrophe
    Commented on this photo:

    How many emergency crews are pictured here?

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