Justin Bieber Wants You To See His Dick, Isn’t Suing Anybody

“Yo, did you see it? I’m one of you now.”
*looks around* “The fuck Hannah Montana just say to me?!”

Yesterday, reports were flying around that Justin Bieber’s lawyers were threatening legal action against anyone posting photos of his uncensored naked penis. Except you can just go ahead and ignore that because Justin Bieber wants people to see his dick now that almost everyone was forced to acknowledge it exists and surprisingly isn’t the size of a Tic-Tac. TMZ reports:

Our sources say Justin’s anger faded when the pics went viral … for one seemingly larger than average reason: Bieber’s a really big deal, and we’re told he’s happy the world knows it now.
As we reported, JB’s lawyers threatened media outlets that published the pics. We’re told his legal team was just doing its job … sending the message that Justin’s not okay with the violation.
But reality is, there’s almost zero chance Justin sues … ’cause as they say, size matters.

And now for the part where I get the lawsuits turned back on thanks to commenter the One who made an astute observation on size and scale that hopefully talks people down from the ledge after finding out we might be living world where Justin Bieber has a ginormous dick:

it might look biggish in those pics but bieber is like 4 feet tall.
so theres that.

That’s what’s helping me sleep at night, but feel free to keep floating theories that he walked out at almost full-mast knowing the paparazzi were waiting in the bushes. Whatever keeps the gun out of your mouth and it’s guaranteed promise of instant relief. It’d all be over so quickly…

*pulls back hammer* Guys!

UPDATE: Turns out Justin Bieber’s dad loves his son’s dick, too, which earned the greatest Internet response to anything ever:

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Photo: Getty