Muscle Men Make Justin Bieber Moan

When we last left Justin Bieber he was falling through a trap door and not dying, so if anyone wants to argue that God has forsaken this world in light of our wickedness, there’s your example. So to slightly mitigate that, here’s a story about him moaning loud as balls while getting a massage from two big, muscly dudes. Page Six reports:

Around 3 p.m., a spy said Bieber was at the spa — “next to one of the pools getting massaged by two very large, strong men,” and he was “moaning for all to hear.”

But don’t worry, y’all, ya boy #BBare #NoHomo’d it like a smoothest, darkest pimp, his head is like a shark’s fin:

The Biebs then made small talk with a woman getting into the pool and went back to his massage.

Then again, this recent tour photo suddenly makes a lot of sense:

justin bieber purpose tour

“My pussy’s not that high up, you idiot.”
“There’s usually a dangly part!”

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Photo: Getty