“If I build an amusement park at my house, we’re allowed to have sleepovers? No way!”
Justin Bieber has mentioned before that he sees himself as the next Michael Jackson, but I just assumed he forgot all that like a kid who wants to take guitar lessons only to quit and become the next Eminem or Shaggy 2 Dope or whatever street name he calls himself while flexing in the mirror with his pants around his ankles. (Please be Lil Cinnamon.) Turns out he is still trying to be Michael and somehow was able to release an updated version of “Slave To The Rhythm.” And by somehow I mean Michael’s will explicitly states that his music should touch boys where he no longer can. There were also instructions about fashioning the sheet music into a makeshift rectum, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Via HuffPost Entertainment:
It’s unclear where the track was originally intended to appear. The 2010 version was produced by Tricky Stewart, who worked on Bieber’s “Baby” as well as megahits from Rihanna, Beyonce and Mariah Carey.
Bieber took to Twitter on Friday a few hours before the leak to announce that “big things are ahead.”
Excited for what is to come. MJ set the bar. Not only for music but for being an entertainer and how u treat the fans. Wish he was here…— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) August 16, 2013
All of it is not always easy but it is a blessing. We can change the world. I’m up for the challenge. Big things ahead! #greatness. love you— Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) August 16, 2013
I love how Justin Bieber cites Michael Jackson as the gold standard for how to treat your fans after Justin spent an entire concert looking high as shit and rubbing iPhones on his dick. Which is something that Michael Jackson would never do. He’d molest hundreds of children, maybe even all of them if given more time on this earth – *kisses fingertips, points to sky* One love, MJ. – but the fans always got a top-notch performance and were treated with the utmost respect. That’s what made him so special.