Justin Bieber & Mariah Yeater: Who Raped Who?
A Special Report

Only this beluga whale knows the truth. But will it turn rat?

While the police are busy contemplating a statutory rape investigation after Mariah Yeater publicly admitted to having sex with a then-16-year-old Justin Bieber, the Maple Christ went on The Today Show this morning to deny fathering a baby before dancing his way across a pool of water and feeding 5,000 people Pinkberry. “My children, this blood’s for you… And also these sprinkles! Hee hoo!” People reports:

“I’d just like to say, basically, that none of those allegations are true,” the “Baby” singer, speaking before his Today concert Friday, told the hosts of the NBC show after being asked about the story.
“I know that I’m going to be a target, but I’m never going to be a victim,” Bieber, 17, added.
… “It’s crazy,” Bieber said on Today. “Every night after the show I’m gone right from the stage right to the car, so it’s crazy that some people want to make such false allegations.”

Wait. Justin Bieber’s defense is going to be he never hangs out backstage after a show? Never? Wow. I’ve been hoping this kid turns out to be his for purely comedic purposes, but now I’m actually starting to believe this chick. And to add to that, here’s an entirely fishy report that claims the Maple Son of Man was the one doing the raping, but keep in mind it’s by way of Truthquake.com, the same people who claimed Lady GaGa bathes in human blood per her Satanic orders from the Illuminati. So completely legitimate journalists is what I’m saying:

A freelance journalist who works for Reuters and the Chicago Tribune said that when he was researching the Bieber-Yeater incident, he could not find any pictures from after the concert, which are usually available.
He contacted his friend who was the photographer at the event, and he said he was paid $200,000 by Bieber’s handlers for pictures of the singer after the October 25, 2010 Los Angeles Staples Center concert covered with sweat, his t-shirt ripped and his hair out of place.
It seemed the handlers wanted to ensure these photos would never seen by the public.

And why didn’t they want those pics getting out? RAPE- Oh, right, I already said that part:

“He’s raping me!” Mariah Yeater screamed from backstage of the Staples Center, according to our sources.
No police or security responded to her screams.
When Yeater later reported the incident to Staples Center security, she was left waiting in an office for over four hours.
Frustrated, she left the arena and never reported the incident, said the sources.

Again, this is coming from the Illuminati kooks, but assuming it’s true, in Mariah Yeater’s defense, after you report the incident solely to a group of security guards whose families Justin Bieber essentially feeds by filling the Staples Center each night, you’ve pretty much exhausted all legal recourse. Because it’s not like there’s a department of people who could’ve used her cooch full of evidence to place Justin Bieber in some sort of “prison” for lack of a better term. So it’s good she went home and let it gestate to full term before taking another crack at it in court. Also, smart of her to wait until the kid’s three months old in case it had SIDS which really avoids a whole bunch of embarrassment. “Your honor, my client requests- No, wait, baby just died. Shit.