There Is.. Another.. Bieber Baby

May 30th, 2013 // 34 Comments
Slow Your Ass Down
Keyshawn Johnson
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What? He loves his fans. SPEAK NOT OF THIS BULL!

For those of you who don’t remember the Mariah Yeater incident, let me sum it up for you in a nutshell: In 2010, a 20-year-old California woman was raped backstage by Justin Bieber resulting in a pregnancy which she carried to term. After suing him for paternity in 2011, Justin Bieber then used his vast wealth and power to remove all matter of evidence from existence and make it look like Mariah’s ex-boyfriend was the real father right down to altering the kid’s DNA. Except I know the truth in my mind which is why if some unlucky accident should befall me – If I should get shot in the head by a police officer, or if I should hang myself in my jail cell, or if I’m struck by a bolt of lightning, you should blame Justin Bieber. So with that information, here’s a new woman claiming she got Maple Spermed after meeting at a TGI Friday’s. Via Page Six:

They supposedly met at a T.G.I. Fridays after the singer’s concert in Florida and he took her back to his room at the Gansevoort South hotel, the mag claims.
After the alleged one-night stand, the woman gave birth in late October 2010 to a baby girl, a “source” said in the report.
“She gave birth to a baby girl later that year, and Justin didn’t know anything about it. She just wanted to protect her baby. She wanted to keep her and her family away from any spotlight,” the source said. “In my opinion, she does look a lot like Justin did at that same age.”
To take it a step further, the tabloid printed alleged texts between Bieber and the woman after their supposed hook-up where he says “thanks 4 last night” and calls it “Our little secret?”

Keep in mind, Justin Bieber would’ve only been 15 when this happened, so I’m just going to assume he said something to his mom along the lines of, “Shit, nigga, this kid’s menu is off the hook!” which prompted this woman to go, “Put a baby in me. Put a baby in me NOW.” (I used to wait tables. I know how these things work.)

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News

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  1. Deacon Jones

    Wouldnt it be funny if Bieber was single-handedly spreading HIV to the entire “Bielieber Army”?

  2. NRC

    Maybe his next tour should be…*takes off glasses*…aborted.
    YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAH!

  3. “…she does look a lot like Justin did at that same age”

    So Justin looks like a little girl, that’s a stretch.

  4. cc

    Why couldn’t Yeater get a paternity test in the end?

  5. “In my opinion, the two-year-old baby girl does look a lot like Justin did at that same age,” the source said, adding, “or how he looks now.”

    Also…a Godfather quote? WTF? That’s not a nerd reference!

  6. Jill

    Sounds like someone had one too many shots of that rot-gut Friday’s was selling as top shelf boose.

  7. Very cute as a fugly bull Lesbian showing affection to a Lipstick Lesbian?

  8. Maple is good.
    Maple leaves are good.
    Canada is good.

    This little douchefucker needs to die for tarnishing the above more than Avril, Celine, Nickelback, Morissette, etc have already done.

    We have Skinny Puppy and Leonard Cohen, and all anyone talks about is this little puddle of aging semen.

    • He makes us Canucks look bad :( Grabbing a tit for a photo op that will go worldwide – classy. Not. “Please God, bring back Bob Marley. Instead you can have Justin Bieber.”

  9. whistles down dark alleys

    thought he was gay all this time! I thought Selena was just a beard …

  10. Amanda

    EVERYBODY PRANCERCISE!

  11. Well, Bieber has been trying very hard to portray that street tough raper lifestyle, so scattering a few pump-n-dump baby mommas around behind him would give him a little street cred.

    (yes, I know what I said)

  12. Frank Burns

    You guys suck. Where are the stupid versions of TGI Friday’s menu items twisted into Beiber insemination jokes?

  13. JC

    Somewhere, an anti-gay marriage activist is shaking her head, saying, “Damn it, claiming that two lesbians can’t have a baby was one of our best arguments!”

  14. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if this little fucker was doing shit like this. He’s obviously the type that let fame go to head and thinks he’s untouchable. He needs a good asskicking.

  15. Can we please stop making pretend any of these stories about Bieber impregnating girls are true, since he’s so obviously gay he makes Danny Pintauro look like Randy Savage?

  16. Jazzy Jeff

    Why is Andy Richter wearing a black wig and letting the Beebs fondle his manboob?

  17. grobpilot

    I think he’s innocent. How can Bieber possibly make babies when all he can do is scissor with a girl?

  18. Damn, I had Bieber pegged for a Hoolihan’s man myself.

  19. writes social blogs incessantly

    Who told him which hole to place his maple stick into ?

  20. kery

    He is so stupidddddd!! anyway good luck girl…

  21. That first paragraph is all kinds of fucking win, start to finish. Encore!!

    And this is more bullshit. I hate this kid with a passion, and I want substantial attacks placed upon him, not this National Enquirer weaksauce.

  22. Selena Gomez Bikini
    Jack
    Commented on this photo:

    My gosh she’s just a baby!

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