Justin Bieber Is Auctioning His Johnson

[Dear horny 15-year-old girls and pedophiles, welcome to The Superficial. You can find coffee and pastries over on the table, and in a couple of minutes, we’ll be giving a short demonstration on the power of incorporating penis jokes into photos of celebrity boobs. Make yourself comfortable.]

So remember when Justin Bieber brought a snaked named “Johnson” to the VMAs? He’s done playing with it now. Via Celebuzz:

Despite his love for his slithering half-pet/half-fashion accessory friend, Justin is auctioning off his Johnson to raise money for charity. Charitybuzz is hosting an auction in which the highest bidder will get to keep the snake, with all the proceeds going to Justin’s favorite non-profit organization, Pencils of Promise.

Just to satisfy the 11-year-old in me (No Sandusky.) let me get this straight: Justin Bieber is auctioning his Johnson to support his charity called “Pencils of Promise?” BAHAHAHA! Was “Cocks of Compassion” already taken? Because I’m genuinely asking. I had no idea you could name these things after penises, and it’s high time I start giving back to the community. CoCs will be a driving force into the sopping wet pussy of poverty, so clearly, it’s going to be extremely Christian-based. “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me. Plus I like dong jokes.” – Matthew 25:40

Photo: Splash News, WENN