Justin Bieber Grabbing His Dick On Instagram Is How My Holiday Ended

I just enjoyed a wonderful three-day weekend full of yard work, attempting to drink around an infant’s feeding schedule, and a family gathering so awkward, I wished I was a goddamn Lohan instead. Which is what made it even more special when Fish welcomed me back to work by handing me Justin Bieber’s dick. *rereads* Eh, I’ve made us sound way more gay before, it stays. So without further ado, here’s Justin Bieber grabbing his dick on Instagram, which now that I’ve highlighted and appropriately linked for SEO makes me as much of a whore as the Biebs is for Calvin Klein. *rereads* Yep, there’s only one way that could possibly be interpreted.


A photo posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

And just to secure that lucrative market share of Jerry Sandusky, Chomo Fogle, Dennis Hastert, and let’s be honest, probably at least one Duggar underwear purchasers who base their decision on how many hairless young boys grab their dicks in them, Jaden Smith did it too.

Jaden Smith

So, cool, for work today, I made this post about dick grabbing. How are you guys? Did you have an annoying meeting or something? Oh, no shit, they’re getting rid of all the Keurigs in the break rooms? Drag, dude.

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Photo: Instagram