Y’All Don’t Deport #Bbare, #Bbare Deports You

February 11th, 2014 // 36 Comments
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Justin Bieber Diddy
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In the anals of history, there ain’t ever gonna be a more potent revenge fantasy than all you mothafuckas thinkin’ you can send my boy B-Bare back to Canada on account of no eggs. When really, if y’all wants to get real about it, this is here’s cuz the dopest, darkest jigga in Snoopy pajamas is out dare slatherin’ dem honeys with his maple syrup while y’all sittin’ at home buildin’ a sock woman and callin’ dat shit Selena. ‘Specially this here mothafucka writin’ this B-log. (I live in yo’ brain, bitch!) Anyway, y’all keep dreamin’ why my boy be flyin‘ both litterly and fignewtonturley. Tizzle Mizzle Zazzle:

Bieber — a Canadian citizen — is allowed to live in the U.S. because he has what’s called an O-1 Work Permit … which Immigration issues for foreigners with “extraordinary abilities.” Lots of athletes and entertainers get O-1 status.
But here’s the thing. Under the Immigration laws, if someone is convicted of a crime of “moral turpitude” — Immigration can deem that person “inadmissible” for work status in the U.S.
Now get this … “moral turpitude” includes crimes involving “malicious destruction of property.”
The L.A. County Sheriff’s Dept. wants the D.A. to file FELONY vandalism charges because they say he caused $20K in damages. And, the Sheriff’s Dept. thinks Bieber was malicious, especially because in the middle of the attack he yelled​, “f*** you. I got another one for you actually.”

KING KONG AIN’T GOT SHIT ON B-BARE. Sorry, deflex action. Now, let’s all get straight on another topic dat’s of serious poorfence to the reputation of the streetz numba one son. I don’t care what y’all heard. I don’t care what y’all saw on dem Internets. My boy’s name is B-Bare, not mothafuckin Bizzle. It ain’t 2003 no more where young pups be thinking they Snoop Dogg. His name is B. Bare. As in dem ladies be bare for his B-bear to hibronate in dem vagina caves. And sometimes eat dem honey pots if they ain’t smellin’ yucky. AW SHIT.

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Photos: Instagram / Fame/Flynet, INFphoto

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  1. I usually love your humorous personification themed posts (ie Bertney), but please stop writing like this. It’s just awful.

  2. alex

    I guess Biebs doesn’t have the same control over the legal system like Chris “I’ll beat your head in Rihanna” Brown or Lindsay “I’ll snort the whole baggie” Lohan?

  3. I will fight tooth and nail to defend his right to stay in the U.S. I assure you that it has nothing to do with the fact that I am Canadian and do not want the little assfuck back here … really.

  4. Look, we don’t want him back.
    Either keep him, or send him to Siberia.
    The Russians will take care of him.

  5. marquitos

    He is making a lot of money for a lot of people.

    • Yep, sadly at the end of the day he is a major corporation so he is not going anywhere. The USA is making major bank from him from taxes, to wages to stuff he and the people he supports buys. Unless he kills or rapes someone, he is probably not going anywhere anytime soon.

  6. JC

    You’d think the DUI, underage drinking, drug possession, and trying to crash a plane by filling it with weed smoke would help the case for deportation along. Hell, if he were even slightly tan, that last one would get him deported to Gitmo.

  7. Hugh G. Rection

    “In the ANALS of history” is probably the best way to start any Justin story.

  8. anonz900

    “Under the Immigration laws,…” That’s the funniest fucking thing I have ever read on this site.

  9. Bieber v. George Zimmerman in an MMA fight. Could it be more obvious that this needs to happen. Pay per view records.

  10. Visible Ink

    As long as he makes money Hollywood will make sure he’ll stay. After that they’ll deport his ass themselves.

    Also, I find it offensive you just presume I’m building a sock woman in my basement called Selena… Her name is Jessica and she’s a very special lady. Now, apologize!

  11. Bizzle. BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! What a fucking ass clown.

  12. Cock Dr

    fignewtownturley
    hibronate
    poorfence

    Really tempted to work some of these into casual conversation.

  13. as long as it ends up with Bieber out of the USA, I don’t care about the rest. Or dead. He could be dead and that would be good too. In fact, scratch the deporting, let’s focus on getting him killed.

    • Actually, I think it would be a shame if he died, because then there would be no possibility that he one day ends up in prison – as is likely once he does something more “thuggish” then, err, egging a house – and immediately becomes the whole population’s bitch.

  14. Poospoos

    So… Is he being deported or what? I don’t speak street ebonics!?!?

  15. Really...?

    His visa is for foreigners with “extraordinary abilities.”

    See, the clue was in the description. They’re helping us all out.

  16. That pic looks like T.I just touched Justin in his no-no place and is forcing him to take a picture now.

  17. Kevin Federlin

    It hurts to read the beiber talk. please stop

  18. anonymous

    I just pray that he is evading paying his taxes and will one day get caught. Because celebrities can pretty much commit murder and get away with it if they are rich enough but they’ll go to jail for years for owing taxes.

  19. I love these ebonic B-bare rants. Please never stop. I love the long arcs that unite weeks, like Bertney’s furnch fry stories, B-Bare, and “Dis how chicken ____”.

  20. cmonreally

    “fignewtonturley” just made my day a little bit better.

  21. Not a Guest

    Like the sign says: “Stop Making Stupid People Famous!”

  22. Miss_Moppet

    Tizzle Mizzle Zazzle will be the name of my all girl rock band one day.

  23. ShoreCyclist

    Someone should teach Justin’s friend a thing or two about acronyms, as I’m pretty sure “or” doesn’t rate its own letter. Maybe the two of them can start with “G.E.D.”

  24. cmonreally

    Doesn’t Bizzle mean bitch in Snoop-ese?

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