Justin Bieber Asked For His Comedy Central Roast

Singing and playing music is what Justin Bieber used to do until he was worshiped to the point of messiah status. Then, like all personified deities before him, he started acting like a complete dickhole, ditching the music thing for sizzurp and Brazilian hooker sex. Now, the second coming of Maple Christ has seen the light and is ready to put all that bad behavior behind him and move forward as a reformed adult. How, you ask? The rite of passage known as The Comedy Central Roast. Via TMZ:

As for why the roast will be therapy … we’re told Justin thinks the evening will end the chapter of his life where he messed up. He’ll take his lumps, and then move on as a real adult.

Yes, because nothing demonstrates humility like begging to be the honoree of a cable channel’s yearly event. An event that hasn’t been good for a long time until Patrice O’Neal went off script and dropped mics all over the whole dais. Hopefully that inspired the roast regulars to step up their game, even though I’m sure we’ll see the same shit as always. Jeff Ross will probably dress up like Bill Cosby with a cocktail shaker in his hand. Someone who has no business being there will be onstage to take the brunt of the abuse because there’s only so many times you can call Bieber a lesbian; I’m going with Maury Povich. And someone will draw boos with a Joan Rivers line like one of these. Oh yeah, this is happening:

- Joan Rivers is more alive today than Whitney Cummings’ career.
– Because of her extensive plastic surgery, Joan Rivers appeared to be peacefully sleeping in her coffin. On his way out of the viewing, Bill Cosby denied having ever known her.
– Joan Rivers’ show Fashion Police will continue with Kathy Griffin as her replacement. That’s it. That’s the whole joke. There couldn’t be a bigger insult to her than that.