Justin Bieber Can’t Handle Taking Photos With Fans Anymore

“I’m sorry little girl, it’s just too much pressure for me to take a photo with yo– Whoa! Where did you even learn the word shitlocks?”

It’s springtime, which for Justin Bieber apparently means clearing out the clutter in his life. He buzzed off his Stephen Baldwin in Bio-Dome hair and took a mental inventory of all things that were dampening the namaste in his life. Assuming he’s getting rid of the most severe problem first, we now know the biggest stressor in Justin Bieber’s life is taking ten seconds to stand next to a crying pre-teen while she snaps a selfie. You’re a dick, universe. An abnormally large for a skinny white boy dick.

A photo posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

You might be thinking “Eh, Amy Schumer freaked out like this but quickly realized she was overreacting.” But Amy Schumer apparently has thicker skin than Canada’s douchiest export ever will, because he’s not backing down from this at all.

Braekess you are so right btw your Instagram name is fire. Years ago it was impossible to even take a picture at anytime not everyone was accessible to a camera now everyone has a camera phone and Now it’s just a different thing.If you think setting boundaries is being a douche I’m the biggest douche around but I think it’s smart and will be the only way I last. I wanna enjoy life and not be a slave to the world and their demands of what they think I need to do!! I love the fact that I am able to make people happy but cmon if you truly were in my position you would understand how tiring it is ( boo hoo Justin get over it) I’m going to keep making decisions I feel are fit for my growth and no human being will make me feel bad for it.

A photo posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on

Justin Bieber’s just gonna do him for a while, you guys. He’s going to keep making decisions that are “fit for his growth,” you know, like tattooing his face. Which if I understand it correctly is the phase of life somewhere in between your career being completely dead and you becoming a parody of yourself until your one man show where you detail how it all went wrong. And if you’re not picking up what I’m putting down, I’m saying he’s a psychotic pigeon fetish away from being Mike Tyson.

Justin Bieber

Nah, you’re right. There were no warning signs here.

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