Justin Bieber Made His Bodyguards Carry Him Up The Great Wall of China
Here’s Justin Bieber being carried up the Great Wall of China by his bodyguards yesterday because naturally he’s a little shithead who thinks he’s an emperor. Which would’ve been a great time to lodge a throwing star into his skull, but I guess China’s okay with Canadians defiling their sacred monuments. That’s not a sign of weakness. (We attack at dawn.) In the meantime, Vanilla Ice has offered to step in and give Justin some advice at not becoming… well, Vanilla Ice. Via TMZ:
Vanilla Ice had sex with a plastic mannequin in a snow globe. That’s what I got from this. As for how that’s going to help Justin Bieber, maybe make sure Selena Gomez‘s arms don’t detach? Check her for nipples? See if clothes look better on her than they do at home? I feel like this advice should’ve come with a pamphlet.